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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I dated 18 months, I was and still am madly in love with her. A few months ago we broke up over some situations in our lives and fights that resulted from them. She was emotionally weak and she ended up going for a rebound. The rebound guy turned out to be a player and a complete user. for 2 months he completely played her feelings. He told her everything she wanted to hear - things that even I never said - and of course seduced her to hell. Then after he got what he wanted (sex obviously, and some money and material stuff) he disappeared and has not spoken to her since. This was a couple of weeks ago.Since then she's come to me and told me everything that happened. The thing is I still want her back. I have not lost any feelings for her and I still feel completely she is the one for me and that our breakup was still just the result of a bad circumstance. Maybe I should have bad feelings towards her over what she did but I love her so deeply and I hold nothing against her. She might have stupidly gone for him, but he also has a big part in this - he had no business screwing around and seducing someone who was hurting. I have no respect for guys like that!But now that this guy completely seduced her then hurt her so badly it's all that's on her mind. She tells me every time we talk how badly he hurt her, how deeply the pain flows (and she sometimes will tell me that I never ever hurt her that badly) and I can tell she definitely had some kind of feelings for this guy. But on the other hand I feel the feelings she had were manipulated into being, coaxed out of the hurt from OUR breakup. Darn con artists, they're really amazing at this stuff...I know I truly love her and always did. I got angry about things but I've dealt with the issues in my life that I was having problems with (that's a long story that almost could use its own post!) and now I've realized I still love her and want her back!Do I have any chance with her?... She's still hurting over what this guy did to her, but do I have a shot by being friends with her? or should I use the no contact thing and just wait for her? It seems her reaching out to me for support is a good thing and I don't want to turn her down or push her away but I don't want to become a "permanent" friend... I want to have another chance to be with her...Any advice?... thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): Ok I went throguh almost the same situation except her rebound was an ex who certainly didnt treat her a good as I did. This guy was like a shit stain inside a toilet bowl who wouldnt go away after several flushes. He was in the picutre and after I broke with my girl two weeks later they were going out again. They broke up again and she wants to try it again with me, but I told her not so fast.As for you, you should show her your maturity and show her you're a better man than that other jerk. Dont ever ever initiate a conversation, wait for her to do so. dont ever ask her out. Dont show her you're weak. make her work a little bit and she'll learn to appreciate you. You have the ball in your court, learn to use it. Points to your favor if you tell her you met someone else. itll drive her insane
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