A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm gay. I've known I was gay or as long as I can remember. However, I'm afraid to come out. I'm a Junior in High School, and I know i'm not ready. But I find that coming out will be especially hard for me as my brother is also gay, and he is out. Any advice for when I decide to confess? No, I do NOT want any answers about satan, hell, religion, or all that jazz. I have my own beliefs, and you have your own, I ask you respect that. You can simply ignore my question if you wanted to, I'm not trying to opress you with my beliefs, so dont opress me. Thank you. Reply to this Question
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reader, crazybeast  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 How I am envious of you, to be honest having a gay brother is major help... and i mean MAJOR help.
I came out a little over a year ago and I had my gay uncle to talk to, I don't see him much anyway so I had to talk over Facebook. He helped me through everything and made me feel more compfortable with myself.
As your brother has already gone through this it would be a great idea to talk to him, If your scared that he wont act in a good way then you dont have that problem since he is gay himself and understands what your going through.
Not sure if this helps but i came out to my mother before anyone else because i'd know she would be fine with it, which she was... the man who i call my father didnt take it well but i didnt really care since he never been there... I guess he didnt take it aswell because the way he was brought up and also i am the only boy in 6 children. What I would give to have a brother... let alone a gay one.
Just realise that he can help you in such a big way and the fact that you can talk to someone so close is a great release since coming out can be a long and stressfull process :D xx
Xx Beasty xX
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (6 January 2011):
 DerZyniker & SnowStorm have the best suggestions. Talk to your brother first! Essentially he should be the first person you tell. He knows the family dynamics - which are always the hardest to deal with. Once you've come out to him. After that it's your choice whether you tell really close friends first... or come out to your parents. It really all depends on the dynamics of your relationships with the people you come out to. Coming out is an extreme leap of faith in your relationship with the person you tell.
I read this somewhere: Those who matter, don't really care (about you being gay). Those who care don't really matter.
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male
reader, der_zyniker +, writes (6 January 2011):
I would tell your brother about this and see what he says. He's been through this and can help you. I would also say that you should not come out until you are ready. I did that and I've become bitter and resentful because of it.
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female
reader, 1hornylez +, writes (5 January 2011):
Coming out is definitely one of the hardest decisions I have made in my life. Initially, my mother was upset with me because my older sister is a lesbian as well. I lost a lot of friends and I have been disowned by some of my family members. To be honest if you feel as though you're not ready to come out then don't. There's no rush! You know what it is that you want and that's not going to change. I'd recommend focusing on your studies, because coming out can be a very stressful experience. When you're ready to tell everyone start with your closest family and friends. Those that truly have your best interests in mind will accept you, for who you are, and not who you love because nothing will have changed besides your sexual orientation. Just be prepared for some people to treat you differently than they have in the past. Ultimately though you have to live your life for yourself sweetheart.
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female
reader, SnowStorm51 +, writes (5 January 2011):
I think the best thing for you to do right now is to talk to your brother and get advice from him. He can let you know what his experiences were when he came out, how other people reacted, etc. He may be able to tell you how to expect people to react, how to deal with certain reactions, and perhaps when the best time might be to come out to people. Good luck, you can do it!! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): have you told anyone about it? if you have any really close friends that you dont think will be affected by this information, maybe you could tell them and it might be easier to tell others after that. dont rush into it, if your not ready to confess then thats how it is, but i think it would be easier for you if you tell people, because you wouldnt be stuck with the burdon of worrying about what people will think. i have some gay friends and they are all the kindest people i have ever met, so i wish you luck when it comes to a time you feel your ready. :)
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female
reader, That Fragile Capricorn +, writes (5 January 2011):
 hey hun,
growing up my mom was a lesbian and thats what i was use to, thinking eeryone had two moms. but when i got older, i started to realize that wasn't the case. i kept it to myself for the longest time, not knowing how to say it, being scared of being ridiculed. but on day in high school, after some friends of mine slept over, i just decided to tell them my mom was a lesbian. i was sooo completely nervous, but when i finally sad it, their rpsonse was "i knew it! haha, that's cool, man." they completely accepted it and wasn't bothered by it AT ALL! i was so relieved that they understood. so what i'm basically saying isss, that if they're really you're friends, they'll understand. and if they don't, then you don't need them in your life. in todays society, it's more sociably acceptable now then it was yars ago for gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender people. of course, thereis going to be your uptight religious people and people too immature to understand that love is love, and that it is your life, not theirs. with these people, i suggest to just brush it off, because, whatever higher source you believe there is, if you do believe in it, i would imagine, accepts everyone for who they are. because if being accused of loving someone is wrong, then i don't know what kind of 'giving and almighty' higher source that is. you are who you are, and that's perfect. don't be ashamed of how beautiful you are on the inside because some people chose to be ignorant. as far as you're brother,he should be the on ethat understands the most since he was in the same position. but of course, he's not you. but trust me, you'll must stronger and you'll start to believe in yourself.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss
good look sweetheart!3 i hope everything turns out well!
xoxo
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): i would ease your family into the idea with out outright saying it. you know its a big life decision to even begin thinking about it, so baby steps are fine in a matter like this. don't rush anything, especially if you know they're reaction is going to be aggressive or disapproving. use the slow, ease into it to see how they might react. also, talk to your brother, if you are comfortable confiding in him, because you could get advice on this and other issues, you could see how your family reacted to him, and also ask if he could help with the actual coming out part. just be comfortable with yourself and try and assess when your family is ready. and just because your brother already came out won't make it any easier of harder. in fact it might make it less of a first time "shock" for them. unless you have major family issues or like your dad "needs a son to carry on the bloodline" or something weird like that, in that case it may be better to wait longer or hold out on telling a few of your family members. anyway, hope i could help, good luck! just getting yourself ready first, you're on the right track.
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