A
female
age
51-59,
*oobedoo
writes:I have been with my partner now for 6 years, we have known each other for sometime and were briefly together just after leaving school although no sexual intercourse. After a year of being together sex dropped of quite quickly, It is an issue for me (F) but not my partner, He seems t think everything is fine. When I try to talk about our sex life it ends up in an argument. He says he loves me and respects me. He had a disastrous relationship previously which has affected him. We have probably had sex 3 times in 3 years, im nearly 45 he is nearly 50. I have a few times caught him messaging other women, This is always in a sexual manner, but he has never met anyone, This last time it seemed all of his fetishes ( feet ). I have asked him several times why he doesn't speak to me the way he does these others and he says He respects me too much ? this I don't understand ? He has usually had a drink when these chats have happened although this is not an excuse. I just cant make sense of any of it. I have tried the softly approach with regards to bringing the conversation up, I've also been nasty. We used to have a great sex life and now nothing, He will not touch my lady regions but likes his to be touched, He was bought up as a Jehovah Witness many years ago but does not practice. I seem to keep making excuses up and I am fed up feeling frustrated when I have the man I love lay next to me knowing the things he has wrote to other women who he says means nothing to him. Please advise on a way forward
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (2 March 2015):
 This is a perfect opportunity for me to get on my soapbox and bloviate....
IF two people believe that they have a "satisfying" relationship... but that relationship does NOT include S/S/I (sensuality/sexuality/intimacy) compatibility... THEN that "relationship" is doomed..... Why?
Because ONE of the partners thinks that all is just ducky; and the OTHER is living on an S/S/I desert. The one on the desert can do whatever they want to make excuses for, and accomodations of, the other... but - sooner or later - they are going to realize that the desert is where they are.... and that "partner" is quite content, and ain't about to change (anything) to get you off that desert...
Your "relationship" has "run its course"... and you now must face this fact... and decide if you want to continue living in torture... or, if you want to part from this person and get on with a more-full life which is more compatible with YOUR S/S/I menu.....
BT/DT....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 March 2015):
 I think you have a hard time accepting that he ISN'T interested in you sexually. It MIGHT be a religious thing, if he was raised with the NOTION that sex was for PROCREATION only, NOT pleasure, and that sex outside marriage is a sin. I can see why he isn't keen on it. Teaching like those are PRETTY fundamental in how people VIEW sex.
He can talk "dirty" to strangers on the Internet(other women he doesn't HAVE a relationship with) because it's almost a "loophole" - it's "fantasy" NOT reality (to him) THUS not a sin (as much).
He gets angry when you bring up the subject of sex, because:
1. it makes him feel inadequate
2. it's a reminder that he IS sinning
3. (which I think is the major one) he knows if it escalate into an argument YOU will BACK OFF the subject (at least for a while). simply manipulation technique.
YOU TWO are simply a POOR match, sexually and spiritually.
And yes, you are making up excuses, because staying is frustrating, but "easier" than deciding you deserve more and walk away.
You have tried and tried and tried to TALK to him, and NOTHING changes. Because? HE DOESN'T WANT to change. HE is SET in his ways.
...............................
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