A
female
age
41-50,
*odchild
writes:Well guys I'm stilled confused. My husband left me about eight mths ago and now I"m pregnant with another guy's baby. My husband recently contacted me with the hopes of us getting back together. When i went to see him he ask if I was pregnant and I told him I was. He said he cant see himself raising another man child and ask me to abort.I have had an abortion before my husband made me get one when we were dating. We now have a six year old daughter together. My new boyfriend is excited about the baby, but my only concern is the fact that he has two kids that are teenagers and a four year old that he has custody of and a three month old that we had to get a paternity test because she admitted to cheating on him and said it wasnt his baby. In February, we found out it was his and that same month, I got pregnant. I am now as of today seven weeks pregnant. My bf wants me to keep it and move in with him with the plans of getting married. He is a good cook and a good father to my daughter and his. He even know how to braid hair. He is a perfect catch, its just the kids that he had in the past. I think I'm worried about child support and how that might effect us financially. Right now he not on any, But whose to say that wants I have my baby if I have my baby, His new baby mama wont go down to friend of the court. I do still love my husband, But are marriage went downhill. My question is do I owe my husband another chance. Or do I take a chance with the new guy? Or should I abort and leave both men alone and just raise my daughter? My time is running out! What should I do?
View related questions:
abortion Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (21 November 2010):
 Glad to hear you are doing well. Best of luck with your future.
A
female
reader, Godchild +, writes (20 November 2010):
Godchild is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will like to thank everyone for their advice. I did decide to abort unfortunately. I did regret it but it was the best decision for me. I'm in a better place and I did leave the other guy alone.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): I appreciate your comment, I wasnt upset with anyone else advice. I think that he came off a little bit rude. I was asking for advice and here he is judging my character. I'm not claiming to be an angel. Many people posted there advice and I didnt take it as a insult. People ask for advice daily on this site, but i never felt so uncomforatble doing so until he posted his viewpoint. There are some things I left out, due to so much typing. He doesnt have to pay support cuz, the agreement that he has with the mother. In addition he has custody of one. Thanks Lantis Akiko
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): Soon567, I say this because I value your advice: a point by point argument of why things Godchild writes are incorrect is not necessarily the best method to correct her behavior. You sound angry. Angry people often make other people angry. Anger is usually bad for relationships.Godchild, as I want you to succeed, I recommend that you take everything you can from the advice here, and if you don't agree with it, then don't bother to accuse someone of insulting you, but instead, try to understand what they meant, if necessary by asking questions. I'm sorry for interrupting you guys. Please feel free to disregard this comment.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): Maybe you need to reread my post. He walk out on me for eight months.I DIDNT walk out on him. I'm not the type that up and sleep around I was with the same guy for eight years. I met him when I was twenty and married him at twenty three.So understand that. Yes, I did ask for some advice, not insults. Like I said, you could of kept your two cents. No need for you to reply back.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): Okay i have to comment on the last comment. First of all I am a good mother. I dont need a man to define who I am. I raised my daughter on my own for the last three years. She is doing great. She is six years old and in and advance class. My daughter does fourth to fifth grade work. Yes, I put myself in a tough situation. But I'm only human, and how many mistakes have you made in your life time. All I was asking for was a little advice. Personally you could of kept your two cents. You have some nerve.
...............................
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (4 April 2010):
I'm with quiet-echo here. Your new boyfriend has a bad track record. Sure, he's excited, but he was excited about the other kids too, and he's not with those women anymore. How is he supporting all these kids? Will he have enough to support you and yours too?
You don't say why your husband left, which is very important. But I will say it's kind of late to give him another chance when you're already committed to another relationship. I can't tell you whether to have an abortion or not - I suggest that you look into your heart and go with your intuition. Be prepared in either case.
Also, I suggest that you get on the pill. Kids complicate relationships.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 Goodness me your boyfriend has been a busy little bee hasn't he just. If you really love him money shouldn't matter because you can always make do as long as there's love. Personally I'm not a fan of trying to rekindle old relationships because it seldom works.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): You are not obligated to abort. Whatever you choose, there will be hope. Switching guys might not have been ideal, but now all that's left of that seems to be paperwork.
Also note that your husband probably hasn't forgiven you completely, so that direction will be messy. And guilt might be a really bad reason to stay with someone.
Whatever you choose, just put it in the past and love the people you're with.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 I have a good feeling about the comment of Natasia..
I think this a bit difficult situation, i just want to add a bit to natasia"s comment, Do you love the guy No.2?
because if you do i think its ok to choose No.2. but the guy No.1, he said he want you to abort the baby, do you want to abort the baby? In only my thinking, Guy No.1 is a bit selfish,of course its normal what he feel" but considering the fact that you two got problem and distance for a certain time he must understand that you are a woman, a human, who want also to be love. what is he expecting? that during the time that you two are not together is he thinking that you are just going to stay at home and wait for him! of course not. So if he want to come back and want to work back again the relation or the marriage well he must accept who ever you are now. He love you thats the reason why he wanna come back to the marriage, this is the right time now to prove it. and if you are not sure about this two guys, if you are ok with the abortion i think its ok to do that rather than another child will suffer under broken family. but if you do want the baby and you are able to raise them all alone by your self, i think its ok to let it be and leave the two guys and live your life together with your child. I think this is ok.. anyway i wish you good luck..
...............................
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 What do your instincts tell you? Go for the guy you love and who you think loves you more. Who makes you happiest. And do bear in mind that every relationship ends for a reason.
And whoever you choose, it's your child, you're it's mother and you're the one bringing it up primarily. So it's your decision alone as to whether you keep the baby or not. If you really want to keep the baby but your ex boyfriend is adamant that you abort then he's not right for you. This would hurt him understandably that he was bringing up a child that wasn't his but he does have a child of his own and it's either that or killing the child, and none of that is the child's fault.
...............................
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (4 April 2010):
 It seems that :
1. if you want to stay with your husband, you have to abort the pregnancy
2. if you want the baby, you have to go with the new guy
The sad thing is that if you do (1), you kill your child and probably devastate the child's father.
But if you do (2), you take your daughter's father away to some degree (although if he left for 8 months, then he has already gone).
My choice would be (2) because I wouldn't want an abortion, and the new guy seems very keen, and you seem to have confidence in him. But do you love him?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): whether or not you keep the baby should have nothing to do with the two guys. this is your baby and your body; if your ex husband loved you like he says he does then he would be willing to do anything to be with you, that includes support you in your pregnancy. Its like you said, HE LEFT YOU!!!!!!!!!! What if he leaves you again? then you'll be all alone with no man and a aborted baby that you could have given life.
Abortion should only be an option if you cannot support the baby and/or endure 9 months of pregnancy in a both physical and emotional way!
good luck and P.S- your boyfriend sounds like a good man, you should really think long and hard before you leave him. most women search a lifetime for a man like that!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): You really need some therapy.... abortion is not a means of birth control. I am pro-choice, but I don't think the decision should be taken as lightly as you are taking it. You knew the guy had lots of drama before you got pregnant and you had unprotected sex with him- bad decision. Now, you need to focus on your child and your unborn child and minimize the fall out of your bad decisions on your children. I am not sure what kind of man your husband is (whether he can cook or braid hair is irrelevant, by the way), but I would not think he is worth being with if he thinks you should abort a baby. Personally, I would dump them both and focus on my kids...... and start making better decisions about the kind of man you want.
...............................
|
