A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend cheated on me with a girl he works with. She kept offering him to fool around even though she knew he had a girlfriend and a family. He caved in but has never cheated before. We've always had a great loving relationship! He cheated like 3 months ago, I knew he was and it took a couple of weeks to get him to stop. They still texted after on and off for like 3 weeks but she still tried to text him and he ignored her, then there was nothing for about 2 months. We got into a big fight and he got really messed up drinking and he did some pills that he never does, him and his scumbag friend went to her house that night but she wasn't home. He finally told me 2 days later and said he was sorry. He seemed genuine. We've been together for about 15 years and have children. What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): I think you guys need to work this out together! Communicate with eachother! Our opinions are not that important. Stop defending yourself and your guy and start working on your relationship. Open the lines of communication with HIM! Talk about what you both can do to make things work out! It doesn't matter what our reactions are...we can give advice but that's it. And so my advice is...have a sitdown and talk seriously about healing the hurt and moving on!
Good Luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits not a revenge cheat he didnt know i cheated on him until after we talked about his cheating my part in this is (well what goes around comes around) but ontop of that we had a baby my brother went oversees for war and i felt like i just kinda put my life on hold after that he never knew that though i did the normal what i was suppost to but it was very routine i didnt give him much attention and i always have before that but for some reason i never opened up how i felt during that long 1 1/2 yrs my brother was away at war so i some what neglected my bf i guess and he has depression and anxiety and wasnt on medication for it she came along at the only weak/dull? point in our relationship we'v ever had made him feel good about himself and he went with it he does take responsibility for his cheating and i take responsibility for mine as well as part of his if i think of anything else any more details il add them but thank you all for your advice
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe has taken responsibility for his actions i am trying to watch his actions instead of listen to his words and we have discussed this fully in a way i contributed to him getting in that state to begin with not saying its my fault but i didnt help it we really love each other alot it really sucks! he no longer works with her or has any contact with her and we are both working on things we are both trying to be transparent to the other too we'v always had a great relationship and i think we can get back to it with a little work we both want to
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reader, Moviefan +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Being on meds isn't an acceptable excuse, it can effect decisions yes but unless he had a week will then he should of been able to resist. The fact that you cheated on him once also make this situation make a lot more sense it sounds like he thought he would get a cheat and get away with it for free card. Because of your guilt over doing the same thing to him. The previous poster is right you probably played your part in this in some way, thus i step back now and say this is your own mess and you will have to decide to deal with the situation and forgive him or move on.
I feel like we are not getting all the little details that matter. Even if you forgive him be weary, and watch your own actions as much as you watch his, and do not become psychotic, spying on him and such. I'm sorry if I seem harsh but it had to be said.
Good Luck !
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know its not all the other girls fault! i know his friend cant make him do something but he is a scumbag and would def encourage it i know that my bf is responsible for what he did and i know i was responsible when i cheated too i think my bf was a scumbag for what he has done but just thought i would share that thank you all
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): I think there are few things worse on the planet than having your heart betrayed by a person in whose hands you have placed your love and trust. That being said maybe there a 10 billion reasons to not let your relationship go to waste because of this show of weakness from your partner. Before you can weigh out the reasons to stay or leave though I think you have to look deep inside yourself and decide if you can really truly let this mistake go. If you can't ever move on from this than your relationship will eventually fall apart and you will just be making yourself miserable in the long run. It is your choice to forgive your boyfriend and I don't believe any one can judge the appropriateness of that forgiveness. But it has to be 100% if you want this to work the whole way.With that being said, if I were you I'd consider the circumstances around his cheating very carefully. He was zealously pursued AND the girl is still going to be around, i guess. and it wasn't a one time thing, it sounds like he made his mistake over and over again and even tried one more time! after everything was out in the open between you two. i'd be wary about that. if you're going to stick it out you'll have to deal with why he really broke down and cheated...maybe you guys were having a lull in your relationship, or maybe he's just stopped wanting to deal with your long-term, stressful realtionship! (any relationship is more stressful than dealing with a f*k buddy) who knows?! understanding why he did it might give you confidence in knowing if it is preventable in the future or if he'll become a repeat offender. which you DON'T deserve! you're going to have to figure out what steps to take to be able to trust him again. and from what you wrote it seems like an awfully sticky situation.best of luck. be true to yourself and be strong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): I am truly sorry for your pain...but don't be naive! It takes two! You make it sound as though your poor boyfreind is a victim here. She kept it up until he caved! He tried to end it but they texted for another three weeks...the alcohol and pills...the scumbag friend...
This poor guy sure has had it rough!!!! Come on! It is just as much his fault as this other womans! He's the one that was in a committed relationship! Also, at times we use alcohol as liquid courage. If we want to do something, but our conscience gets in the way, have a drink and some pills...Do you really think it was his friend that convinced him to go to her house? Really?
As I said before, I am truly sorry for your pain...you don't deserve this treatment...but please make your boyfriend accountable for his actions! Don't put all the blame on this other woman. You don't know what he has told her about your relationship...guys have a way of making women believe their marriage is the worst hell in the world...and women are rescuers. We like to "fix" things! We feel sorry for the poor guy with the horrible wife! It's our nature. And, your guy seems to play a victim real well! When a guy blames it all on the other woman, he is a coward!
Haveing said all that...of course, I don't know your boyfriend, he may be the sweetest guy in the world. You have been with him a long time. I am not suggesting you should dump him...if you think things could be worked out, then, by all means work it out. But don't expect to trust him right away. He has to re-earn you trust. Actions speak louder than words! You might want to try counseling to get back on the right track. If he agrees to that, you will know he wants to make things better!
Good Luck, I hope it all works out the way you want!
I wish you happiness!
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reader, jessica04 +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Cheating isn't a tit-for-tat thing. If he is receiving help for depression, then you are already ten steps ahead of the game. Follow up that medication with counseling, I urge you. Talk is cheap and lies are expensive, think of how much this behavior has cost both of you emotionally. If you think you're up for it, then try to save your relationship, but don't be afraid to get out and save yourself if things get bad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim not making up excuses for him but just wanted to let you know he has depression he wasnt medicated for until after he cheated and he no longer works with her there hasnt been any contact with her since and i think he was genuinly sorry when he said it? i cheated on him once too we have been working on things but im just curious thank you!
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male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (7 March 2009):
 I think he's a loser.
I also think he's potentially dangerous to your children, at the very least in terms of setting a DISASTROUS example of good behavior/how to treat your partner.
I also think he will definitely cheat on you again eventually.
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male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (7 March 2009):
Well this is one of those things that tends to be a lot easier to do once you have done it once before. Odds are that he will do it again, there is always a chance that he wont but odds are against it not happening. I would say to get out now before things get worse, I have seen many situations personally and have experience on with my ex(she hurt me for someone who did this sort of thing)and it never stopped to this day from what my friends tell me.
It may seem cold but you really just need to walk away. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk,good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): So this man, drinks, takes pills and claims to be a father and sorry for his affair. Hmm, no genius required, get rid of him.
How do you know that he never cheated before? Once he got caught, he still couldn't keep himself away from her.
You're second rate in his book. Is that good enough for you?
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female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (7 March 2009):
Sometimes people mess, and its really up to you to decide how much you want to work on things. But lets look at the facts:
Cheated on you
Continued to text girl for a while after
Got drunk and did drugs
Went to her place
I undertsand that people slip up, but this is pretty bad. Aside form just cheating on you, he went out and got reckless with friends, and he is a father. The drugs and alcohol alone would be cause enough for me to kick him out. Don't think that you are doing your children a favor by exposing them to this kind of reckless behavior.
If you are really vested in this relationship, and want to work things out, then he needs to go to couples counseling with you, and he should also seek counseling for substance abuse. Even if he did it only once, he needs to evaluate where he is at in his life and try to figure out the root of his destructive behavior.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): Well, what do YOU think, really?
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