A
male
age
36-40,
*jcemt
writes:i recently completly broke up with my son's mother that was with for about 3 years. i found out she cheated on me. i had a feeling something was going wrong with our relationship when she started going out to the bars with her single friends. i hate her guts right now and am totally disgusted that less than a week after having sex with another person, i had sex with her without knowing what she had done. i am a jealous person and would be the first person to tell you, but since she started going out every weekend she has lied to me about everything. i don't know what the hell to do. part of me wants to stay with her, but i really can't see staying with her because i'm not sure she will change her ways. i'm so confused on what to do with my situation, i really have no idea what the hell to do.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 I agree with those who've suggested you look into your legal rights as a father.
Focusing on the constructive task of investigating what lies ahead in terms of fatherhood WILL HELP you to get through the hurt you feel. Also, looking into what your life may be like as a single father (would you shape your life differntly? what would you do differently if you had shared custody or full custody?)may help to clarify whether or not you want to give her a chance to earn back your trust.
Good Luck!
A
male
reader, sf69 +, writes (9 September 2009):
I think you will get another chance at this relationship. She has some issues to work out. She will likely find out her new superman isnt really superman. He (by definition) is a home wrecker these types of relationships usually result from troubble and lead to lots more troubble. I think you should think about what i am about to say. The day will come where she will want to try again. She may get her head screwed on straight and feel really bad about the whole thing. Then you could look back at your own short commings and know what you need to work on. Before giving it another shot remember she cant undoo what she has done...It may hurt for a long time, it may hurt forever and you wont forget what happened. Either way somday you should forgive her. So to answer your question What the he__ to do? Do this for now..spend time with friends especially old friends you havent seen in a while. Do some fun stuff. and spend some time on self improvment. I hope this helps
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (9 September 2009):
 First things first.
The two of you have a child together, and that means you have some obligations.
Know your rights, as a father, and as an ex-partner, whatever they may be. See a family lawyer, and research info on father-friendly legal sites that apply to your legal territory.
At that point, you can make an informed decision to protect yourself, and your son.
In terms of her cheating...do you have proof? And I mean evidence, like printed emails, photos, etc...
Sometimes it is wise to stay in the relationship long enough to collect the evidence you need, and knowing your rights in this matter would be key.
It is always a red flag when a partner goes out with single friends, and acts single. What starts out as innocent flirting, and attention getting, can lead to sexual conduct.
In the meanwhile, protect your son, and control your own behaviors. It is OK to feel whatever you want to feel, but control your behaviors. Breath, breath, and breath some more. Be angry if it gives you strength, but don't let the anger control your behaviors. Focus your thoughts on what you need to do first, and build your case.
In terms of reconciliation...that would only be possible if her behavior changes. For that, she would need to stop putting her club friends ahead of your family (you and your son). She would also have to address the source of those actions, and unless that happens, the change that would have to come over her, would likely not last.
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (9 September 2009):
 First, try not to be bitter, hateful or vengeful.
If she's actually doing this, then there's something going on. Either she's got a problem with you, and she never said anything, or she's going through some sort of bad girl phase and there's nothing you can do about it.
You've got a child together, so being angry and jealous isn't going to be healthy for anyone.
You can try marriage counseling. She may have a drug or alcohol problem which may have been why she's playing around.
If you're through and you don't want to forgive her, that's fine. But try and put the negative feelings aside and focus on moving on.
The trust issue is a big one now, and if you truly need to get past this, then you're going to have to decide where you want this to go. Both of you are young, maybe you married too young. Maybe she wasn't prepared for a lifetime commitment. Whatever it is, sooner or later you're going to have to talk it out with her, calmly, and reconcile at least enough to raise your child.
Child rearing is either going to take place with the two of you reconciled, or its going to take place with you separated and divorced. But regardless of who's at fault here, you both have to focus on the kid. Not on each other's anger or infidelities.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): Man thats hard its really up to u man maybe u guys need time apart. Maybe ask her why she did it u my friend need closure and i know its hard to find out but that way u can just live on. the bad thing is she is the mother of ur son but just move on man find someone else not a serious relation ship but just live ur life and keep ur son close. I know ur heart is telling u alot of things and also its up to u man. Just lead ur heart to what u want.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (9 September 2009):
I'm a little confused as far as you not knowing what to do. You did break up with her, correct? I think you did the right thing. She probably won't change anytime soon and anytime she goes out to do anything, it's always going to be in the back of your mind and have you worrying that she's out with someone else. However, you can't completely cut her out of your life and move on since you have a son together...so you have to still maintain a relationship with her, but not a romantic one. Just don't speak to her unless it's in regards to your son, if she tries to go off topic about your relationship, change the subject or just let her know that it's not going to happen. Breakups are hard, especially when you have a history with her like you do. But you're doing the right thing by not being with her anymore, she'll do it again and you'll just be unhappy.
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