A
female
age
30-35,
The_Girl_Least_Likely_To
writes:I am embroiled in a passionate affair with a man who once taught me English Literature. I was besotted by him at school, and over the course of my sixth form years developed a close friendhip with him. Our relationship oozed frighteningly powerful sexual and emotional want for each other which we never spoke of while at school. I was a bit of a loner, went to a very working class school where my love for Morrissey and poetry were not really understood or encouraged; and he was unhappy with the way his life had panned out and we clung to each other. Many times I wanted to tell him how I felt, but I knew I couldn't. It was hell. I cried constantly, I was only ever happy when I was with him. We had some wonderful times just sitting talking about our lives and interests in his room.When I left school I was heartbroken. I had a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach that he wasn't going to stay in touch, and I knew by this point that I felt that this was something very special and unlike the relationships I had had with boyfriends in the past. He promised that he would stay in touch; we had emailed anyway and he said we could meet up every now and then. I turned 18.When we met up, he panicked what people would think of us if they saw us out in town. Our age difference would look bad, if anyone we knew saw us they would assume it was an affair and so on. We went for a drink and he was paranoid.We finally discussed how we felt, and decided hard as it was to just stay friends because he was married. I didn't hear from him for weeks. I now know that this was because he wa trying to kill off any sexual attraction there was between us to make it possible for us to remain just friends.The next time I saw him, everything came crashing down on me, all the months of loneliness and uncertainty, I have never wanted anyone or anything so much in my whole life. We drove out into the country, but didn't discuss our feelings at all. On the way back my whole body and mind was screaming at me to say something. I didn't know what to do because I knew that it would be for the best all round if we remained just friends.But we inevitably didn't. We talked, we ached, we went over and over the situation, we kissed and from then on it has been the most wonderful awful experience I'm sure I will ever have. I long for him constantly. I feel I cannot go on without him. I hurt constantly thinking that he goes back to her; he says he can't leave his children and I can't ask him to - take a father away from his children?? I am leaving for another city for university in a week and I know it is for the best but I lie awake crying each night. He phones me everyday and just hearing his voice makes my heart ache. I love him with every part of my soul; how I know I will never love anyone else. Yes, I am young, but I have met my soul mate. When I lie with him, I could quite happly die there. I hate the fact that we have to sneak around, I want to walk down a street lined with our friends and families and people who knew us and didn't care for us, holding his hand. I don't know where this is going to end.
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affair, heartbroken, soulmate, university Reply to this Article
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male
reader, vampiric_nikolas  +, writes (7 October 2009):
well i had such passionate feelings for one of my instructors who basically watched me grow up and assisted me through the tough times however we both realized after i graduated it would be better to cut off contact. she offered to chat on messaging and calling but i could not bare to have her do that in order to truly move on with my life. occasionaly i think of her and lil things remind me of fond memories we shared. similar to you it was a love hate relationahip. she was married with a child. her relationship with her husband was growing cold. i was disgusted by how she made me felt then lusted then loved her because she was significant in my developing as a person. point is it was unhealthy for us to continue the relationship so we bid farewell and hoped each other the best
A
female
reader, Justme... +, writes (11 September 2009):
 hey, i kinda know what you are going through as i guess i am in the same situation. message me, and we can talk xxx
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A
female
reader, The_Girl_Least_Likely_To +, writes (9 September 2009):
The_Girl_Least_Likely_To is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI must stress by the way, that I did not submit this title!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): I totally sympathize. I'm 3 years younger than you, but I've also been in love with an older guy I can't have - sadly, since this guy's married, I guess you can't really take it any further.
I hope my article on the subject helps; it's aimed at people around my age group, but I guess everything there would apply to your situation as well:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-crush-on-an.html
If I were you, I'd try to forget this guy. It's your choice, though (and a hard one at that, I agree). Good luck, whatever you choose...
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