A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband has cheated on me for the second time. Yes I'm hurt but I love my man. I filed for a divorce a couple days ago but we haven't signed off on the papers yet. We really don't want a divorce but he is still seeing this other female, what should I do. PLEASE HELP. I LOVE HIM SOO MUCH.
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cheated on me, divorce Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): SIGN THE PAPERS! He is still see her! What would you tell someone else in this situation????
When it is happening to us, we are too emotionally involved to see things clearly. All you know is that you want him back again. The thought of living without him is so painful, that you think to forgive him will take your pain away. It won't! All it will do is send him a message loud and clear..."walk all over me, I will be here no matter what you do!" Is that how you want to live? Knowing that he is capable of doing it again and again!
If he was remorseful, he would not be still seeing this other woman! He's not remorseful because he has no conscience! He has treated the mother of his child like a doormat, and continues to! You and your son deserve better than this. Do you want your son to grow believing that women should be treated like automobiles that you can trade in when you get tired of driving one...upgrade to a newer model or sleeker body??????
Sign the papers and teach your son that women will NOT be treated as objects to be used and discarded like garbage!!
A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (8 March 2009):
 Hi there.
I can see two sides here. As soon as I read that you 'love him so much'I really would be surprised it you would leave him. So would he apparently as he blithly goes and has his cake and eats it too. I agree with Natasia that people stray from their marriages for a host of reasons. At any time during these infidelities did the two of you seek out a marriage counsellor. Whatever is making him cheat is still there. He could be going through a midlife crisis..who knows. I also agree with the other posters that you are being treated with no respect but also I understand how the heart can rule the head. It is not necessarily something you are doing or not doing...you do not give much info in your post. As opposed to waiting for you to sign off on your marriage I would suggest an immediate separation. You know, do you not that this situation is as dysfunctional as it gets. He is aware you know about his mistress, keeps her and lives under the same roof. Show your moxie by asking him to leave. Yes, you run the risk he may go to her but it will force him to face daily life without you. If he goes to her, you need to know that it was going to happen. I think it will have the opposite effect and he will miss you. Once you are apart, make it clear that you will only come back if he agrees to marriage counselling. A skilled therapist should be able to figure out why he is doing what he is doing and more importantly, if your marriage is worth saving. I think you want it saved so your chances should be ok. I would only advise a separation if he will not give up his girlfriend. If he does give her up, I would still advise marriage counselling. I understand that you love him and want your marriage to work so I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): Love is a two way street in a relationship. You love him, but he isn't committed to you...he has already moved on, obviously. If the two of you already have the paperwork, you need to file. Even if he breaks it off with the other woman, he will do it again. Especially if the break up with the other woman is forced onto him. Sometimes, men just need to feel the boot in their butt before they get the picture. Sign the divorce paperwork, and kick him to the curb. Ever heard of the music group, 'Sugarland'? They sign a song called 'Why don't you stay'. Got to love music. Sometimes the truth hurts worse than reality. He's in love with this other woman. If he wasn't, it wouldn't still be a problem. Right?
Good luck and I wish you the best. Men may be physically stronger, but women are emotionally stronger.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): well i know you love him a lot but does he feel the same way ask him.
ok, i think you should look at your facts you have this is the second time he has cheated on you. i'm sure you love him with all your heart but dang he is a loser and doesn't need to be married if he want's to hang with other girls. i'm sorry but i think you should sign those
papers right now and move on and show him how bad it hurts to see the one you love going out with someone other then you!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 March 2009):
 Sign off on the divorce. What part of your marriage is seeing another woman allowed? If he loves you, and doesn't want a divorce, why is he with this other woman?
You may love him, but you need to protect yourself and who you are as well. You have the right to demand to be treated well. No one has the right to mistreat you, and being married does not open it up either. Although you feel the way you do, is his behavior what you'd consider being and appropriate way to treat you? If not, you may love him, but can choose out of respect for yourself not to be with him. There's a difference. I love my ex, but chose to remain single because her behavior was not what I'm willing to accept within how I choose to be treated.
Taking care of yourself is first. You need to set your boundaries and make them clear. He needs to know you choose not to be cheated on and if he chooses to do so, then you choose not to be with him. Now because you don't love him, but because he crossed the boundaries of how you choose to be treated.
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A
male
reader, Tewebag +, writes (8 March 2009):
i think that if hes still seeing her you might not be keeping his needs filled.try talking to him about it. it doesnt always have to be sexual needs, maybe this other lady is giving him the emotional needs that he doesnt get from you because maybe your working to much, spending to much time with the kids and not with him, maybe you dont pay him the attention he thinks he deserves. if talking to him doesnt stop it, then you have to go through with the divorce. yes it will be hard and hurt, but is it better than staying with him while he stills does that?
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (8 March 2009):
 well firstly spend a good deal of time figuring out the criteria necessary for you to stick around and try to salvage this relationship
y dont u confront your spouse and the other female he is seeing,whatever u decide u must remain calm,collected and civil during this confrontation i know it will be difficlut but its okay to express feelings of sadness,frustrations but keep a cool head.. or probably see a marriage councellor all this cant be done all alone u will need help..
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (8 March 2009):
 you should establish if he's willing to give her up and be with you. some men are capable of loving one women but having sex with a lot of others. other men might be unhappy or dissatisfied with their relationship, and are continuously searching for the holy grail elsewhere ... question is, do they ever find it?
i am so sorry for you. you must talk to him. you say 'we' don't want a divorce - so don't get divorced. forget the papers. chuck them away. work on your marriage. keep your man.
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