A
female
age
36-40,
*leudancer
writes:My ex boyfriend broke up with me almost a month ago. I am devastated now. I didn't have a very difficult time in the first couple of weeks but this last week has been just awful. I'm hoping this sudden drop in my mood is partly associated with my period coming on (sorry guys reading this...). I think about him all day. I've been trying really hard to think about something else every time he pops up but it's a never ending battle. I miss him so much. He became a good friend of mine in the 5 months we were dating. I accept that it's over and I'm not trying to get him back or anything like that. I just want to know how I can get over this. I'm desperate to get over this, I hope that time will pass by already because I know that's what it takes. Can anyone please tell me when their post break up "aha" moment occurred and what caused it? I feel that maybe hearing about these things will be good for me to hear as it feels like I'll never get over him right now. You don't have to give me a background story, just the "aha." I find that relationships are so crazy different that no two are exactly alike. and PLEASE: NO 'we got back together stories'... I think that would set me further back... I know I can't control what you write, but that would just be awful, and kind of funny if you did it now that I've mentioned that I wouldn't like that.Thank you all so very much!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): Allow yourself time to "grieve" or feel sad, it's very natural. And if you keep trying to fight the thoughts away you will end up obsessing over it.The best thing is to start focusing on yourself. Are there any things you have wanted to do.. Like new hobbies or something? Now you have more time for yourself, so take that chance up. It's also a great way to make new friends and keep busier.What I find helps incredibly, is to sit down and with pen and paper write whatever u feel, including what you miss, but then also what irritated you, what you will not miss, why he wasn't good for you. (Be honest, and the more u think the easier it will get). Start keeping a little journal to yourself, when the thoughts feel overwhelming, blurt it out on paper and ud be surprised how helpful it is. Eventually you will look back and see how it gets easier and easier each day.Focus on your friends and family... it's great time when honestly most of the time we put them on the backburner when we are in relationships. There are various stages after breaking up. Allow a stage for sadness. For blaming him. For anger, and then slowly start accepting. See how good you are, what you deserve and look forward to in the future. Write yourself a big list of how great it is to be single, keep at it.Hope this helps...Goodluck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): I was with my ex for 5 years. Emotionally abusive. He would rather download porn then have the real thing. Horrible! Gets worse!! He started cheating on me.....I started cheating on him..hahahaha!!!! I went to the gay bar with some friends of mine. You think you know where this story is going? I walked in and fell in love...with a woman...he told me from the begining that I would leave him for a woman and damn if he had to be right!! I have never been so happy in my life...the one and only woman I have ever had a relationship with and it is the greatest. Now I am not saying go find your self a girlfriend, but I am saying the next relationship could be your perfect relationship!!
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A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (13 June 2011):
 My most serious ex and I dated for a little over a year. We began to fight a lot and I told him to give me some space so we could get over this rough patch. I made it clear we weren't done, just taking some time to pause and breathe. He apparently took that statement as "Go fuck other girls, specifically sluts!" and started seeing another girl with a gnarly reputation, while still telling me he loved me and wanted to be with me. Oh, and while still trying to be intimate with me. I, nevertheless, found out about his whoring around and was devastated. Our break-up took months because I didn't want to let go or believe he had done that to me. We even slept together a few more times and hung out a bit, but I quickly realized that it had ended for a reason. He had started to become someone else. He wasn't the guy I had fallen in love with anymore. He was hanging with different friends and starting to do drugs. He started going out with trashy girls. That wasn't the man I loved and it surely wasn't the man I wanted to be with. However, I was still in love with what I once had and, of course, was depressed.After a month or so of depression, I finally began to not be so melancholy. Time just began to heal me. I then decided to focus on other things. I started pouring myself into school and other hobbies. Fuck, I even joined a band! I found a new circle of friends and kept myself busy. I did things I enjoyed and spent my time doing more productive things, rather than pining away over a lost love. A few years later, here I am. I'm over it. I've rebounded since then. I started going out on dates frequently again and now I even think I might have snagged a guy who can be a potentially long-term and great boyfriend. I'm doing so well in my university studies and I'm really ahead in life. He, however, is a college dropout, who sits at home smoking pot all day. What a catch! :-POur break-up turned out to be a great thing and a wonderful step in my life. If we would have stayed together, he might have held me back. I'm thankful for the relationship we had because I learned alot from it and I have no regrets, but I am in no way still in love with him or what he once was. I've moved on.So, my advice: Do what I did. Do the things you love and enrich your life with positive activities, hobbies, studies, and work. Improve yourself and focus on you. You feel a void right now, but always remember that a man never makes your person. You make your person and are in control. So, do something to make you a better person! Stay social. Do things with your family or friends. Go places with your closest friends and stay active. If you don't have a lot of friends, make some. Start chatting people up at class or work or at your favorite coffee shop. Hell, even try online dating sites. Just be SAFE. I've used them and made some friends/dates/boyfriends.In the end, remember that it takes time. The old saying, "Time heals all wounds," sounds cliche, but it is incredibly true. You won't be over this quickly. It will take some time to adjust. However, if you fill up your time with positive things and people, it will pass faster than you think. In one year from now, you will look back and wonder, "Phew! I'm glad I'm onto bigger and better things!"
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A
male
reader, lakers_lover09 +, writes (13 June 2011):
Sorry about ur hurting. Dnt worry things will get better. I am living proof. My "aha" moment was after a month or two of sulkin I got accepted into my dream college and became interested in a female friend/ coworker of mine. Now im glad my ex left cause in a way she denied me a great experience with this new girl (we dnt date or anything but its like a cute game of cat and mouse) my ex dates someone else but tells me randomly that she misses me and cries but I dnt even care. for now, u will think about em every second..after a while it will b ever hour...once a day ...and u will slowly move on to better things. Ive been where u r and am proud tht I was able to break free..hoping u can do the same and im wishing u the best :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): My ex broke up with me and i was...well....umm....Heartbroken? Torn apart? Depressed? Torn in two? All of thee above?I really loved him...then after me all the girls he liked dint like him or broke uP with him after like a day. And i got better believe it or not. Listen to some music or...Go find a friend with benefits to cheer you up..wink wink ;)No just kidding...that will make you seem like a $lu+t
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