A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a year and 2 months and we moved in together fairly early at the beginning of the relationship.He used to live with his parents and everytime we spend the night together we would always have sex.Since moving in 10 months ago, his sex drive has just dropped. We both don't know what to do about it. He really loves me and takes really good care of me and I don't want to leave him but this is really driving me mad.I tried many times to 'seduce' him but he always changes the subject or tries to distract me with something else which makes me feel so unwanted and cheap. We have talked loads about it and everytime he always says he does want me and tells me to be patient with him but my patience is running out.I don't think I am sexually overactive but if there is a choice I want to do it everyday and I only want my boyfriend, not toys or anyone else. I know from reading here that I am not supposed to 'force' it on him and I am trying really hard not to nag about sex but this situation is really getting me down.Any suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSoveryconfused: it's almost the exact same situation! He is still very affectionate and we cuddle He has gained a lot of weight (he says anyway I can't tell) and he did say because he feels fat it is affecting him.
I would say we do it once a week or week and a half but it's only because I asked or sulked for it. If I didn't we probably would go weeks without.
I suppose the real question is how do I help him feel better about himself?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 December 2012):
 Other than moving in what has changed?
My husband and I were LDR for the first almost full year of our relationship.. every weekend when I went to see him we would have sex… then he moved in with me… and sex dwindled.
For several reasons.
1. We were always together so we can have sex any time we want now…right? Well that’s often the mindset but dates have to be set… for us it’s usually Sunday Mornings... it doesn’t happen EVERY Sunday morning but we have a better shot at some sexual content knowing that “Sunday mornings are for xxxxxx” and that’s a “house rule”
2. My husband has gained a lot of weight in the last year… and he does not feel sexy or attractive. Content men in relationships tend to gain weight at first… and they are not immune to emotional feelings about being overweight… in addition if they gain it all in their bellies (like mine did) it tends to reduce their drive as they can’t “see it” any more and they tend to forget about it as a sexual tool
3. The stress of jobs/moving/putting the household together etc… worrying about money and such…
So I know that we have talked about it and my husband assures me it’s him not me but sometimes I wonder… cause I’ve gained weight too…
Is your boyfriend still affectionate? Is everything but actual sex still ok or are there other issues? I will say stuff to my hubby, I will tell him I miss him… he knows what I mean…
Are you guys having any sex? You say you want it every day…. How often are you getting it?
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (17 December 2012):
 Actually i had a boyfriend with this issue once. His was cause by medication. It bothered him badly and I'm sure it bothers your boyfriend. He tries to distract you because he feels inadequate and men want to feel like they can bang all the time. I would tell him to talk to a doctor. Sometimes it is as simple as low testosterone levels which can be fixed or a different medication for something. There is a world of fixes for this issue but he has to seek them out
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