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anonymous
writes: Hi all, just a short questin and I really hope I can get as much feedback as possible. Thanks. My question is, do you think its possible to love someone or make a relationship last when your attraction towards the other person is very low or near zero, but he/she is very very nice person? Please help! Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006): This really is a difficult situation, i was worried someone would get hurt but please don't beat yourself up about it. Everyone makes mistakes, you were wrong, so what? You never meant to hurt anyone. Be honest with her, she deserves that. Don't make excuses or flower thiongs up, it will look obvious. Try not to say anything insulting or hurtful. Just sit her down and tell her it doesnt feel right, you're very sorry, you care about her feelings and that's why you needed to tell her now, it hopefully lessen the pain. It would be far worse to carry on and the further you go, the more it will hurt her. It's only been a few days so the damage should be minimal. Good luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, thanks for the great feedback so far. Im the guy who posted this question because I had a housemate who told me she liked me more than a friend a few days ago. I told her I liked her too(more in a character sense rather than a physical one) but thought it would be wise to wait and see how things go. But just yesterday she told me that she wanted me to make a decision and so I did. I chose to start a relationship with her!! Ive told myself that I wanted to give it a go because like what u guys said, that its possible. But right now, after having slept in the same bed last night (we kissed and fondled but no sex), I noticed that the passion on my side wasnt there. I realised that she was just a friend! My god, I cant believe im typing this out. Im such an idiot. To make things worse, this would be her first relationship (we're both 23 yrs old), thus making her a virgin. I cant bear to break her heart, what should I do!????!!!! Shes so so so nice...she really likes me. I feel like a downright twat now for not feeling the same way she does. I really dont wanna play her, nor do i wanna hurt her but neither do i know how to tell it to her as its just been 2 days since we've gone out!
P/S: this also complicates things as I also live with one of my ex-es and the both of them are good friend. My ex was alright with the both of us going out but i know if anything bad was to happen, my ex is gonna think that I was trying to play her friend out, which I honestly am not. I dont care what she thinks of me anyway but pls do tell me what to do??!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): A few questions. HYave you already started a rleationship with this person? If so, how long ago?
What exactly do you think is nice about them?
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female
reader, katiestevens +, writes (9 January 2006):
I think that if you don't find someone physically attractive, things will not last between you. I think the most important aspect of being with someone is that they are a wonderful person, but i think if you already have doubts about 'fancying' them, you shouldn't start anything with them. Although they might seem like an amazing person to begin with, and quite possibly will always seem that way and genuinely are, don't forget that when things start getting difficult (as all relationships do at some times), you might find it easier to see them as unattractive more easily (if you know what i mean, i don't think I explained that very well).
I currently have a very good friend who wants more. He is, genuinely, one of the nicest people I have ever met and I care about him immensley. However, although i consider him to be a reasonably good-looking guy, I don't find him overly attractive and have never 'fancied' him as such. As much as i know how well we get on and could make a wonderful couple, I've never been attracted to him enough to take it any further. Don't forget that sex and sexual attraction are very important parts of a good relationship!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): yes you can,I am telling you from my own experience, I met this guy who was not my type at all, someone most of my friends were like Oh no, but we talked on the phone day and night, he came over everday, we watched movies, played games...And I fell head over hills in love with him, only I lost him due to other issues, and mistakes I made, but to this day if I could have another chance, with my less attractive male friend, I would jump and leap, nobody has ever been so gental and kind as he was.. So my answer is yes it can happen, and I think it is probably the best type of love.
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female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (9 January 2006):
 I think that you can fall in love with someone who has a great personality, and later become attracted to them physically even if you weren't attracted initially. Think about it. Many people have sex because they are physically attracted to their partner (although their relationship might suck, and they might be unhappy with their partner's personality), yet many others have sex because they are in love with their partner (and a sense of physical attraction probably develops from the strong chemistry between them).
Just think of all of the unlikely couples that you see in Hollywood and out in the real world--the Beauty and the Beast phenomenon, if you will. Do you really think that these relationships are based on physical attraction, when one partner is considered to be significantly more attractive than the other by society's standards, or are they based on something more, which ultimately leads to physical attraction?
Another theory I have is that some people love flattery and are attracted to those who make them feel good about themselves, regardless of how unattractive the flatterers may be. For example, a beautiful woman who loves flattery might eventually find herself attracted to the less-than-attractive man who compliments her constantly. She might find that the more attractive men are a bit conceited and are too in love with themselves to pay her any real attention.
There are also the people who claim to fall in love over the Internet, long before seeing a picture of their love interests. When they do see a picture, they might think to themselves that the person doesn't look like their type, and that if they had seen the person on the street, they would've passed by without a second glance. They never would have pursued a relationship with the person if they hadn't first had an opportunity to get to know the person's personality.
So, yes, I do think that it is possible to love someone who is nice, because they are nice, and later find yourself attracted to them for that same reason!
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female
reader, Izzie +, writes (9 January 2006):
Probably not. If you were to have a relationship with this person then the attraction issue is bound to surface at some point, plus everyone deserves to be with a person who finds them attractive, so it wouldnt be fair on this person. On the other hand, it is possible to suddenly become attracted to soneone unexpectedy. Try it out, but be careful not to hurt other peoples feelings without need. x
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