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female
age
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anonymous
writes: How do I know if my husband sexual problem is medical, or something else?He has ed and low sexal desire, but the DOCTOR NEVER FOUND ANYTHING WRONG. His health is k, so it is not medical so far ,unless they didn't find out why. I would fully except this if I would know he is sick. But it goes on years ago, he has no sexual desire, and when he gets an erection he goes very fast, or losing it.I suppose it is some kind of psychological issue, but the sex therapist couldn't help.. So the marriage is in danger, and I would hate to end it because of this, but can you live without intimacy, an intimate relationship?What should I try to think, what is right?
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reader, kahlan  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 Part 2.I did try to come on to him but he kept letting me down gently,so now ive stopped trying as it made me feel bad about myself and i felt unattractive.To answer your question i find it hard to live without intimacy,but i wouldnt want to end my relationship over it.
Does your husband realise how serious this problem has become.I was thinking we could talk to our respective partners,and try to do new things.iT neednt involve intercourse right away until they are ready.One of my fantasys ive always wanted to try is getting dressed seperatly into something the other has never seen you wear before.Arrange to meet somewhere youve never been before,then chat each other up.Pretend youve never met before and give a different name.Pick each other up and go to a cheap b&b or hotel.Give your marraige a chance be4 u give up on it.Google help on how 2 make him last longer.Good Luck and let me know how you get on.Kahlan.X
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 How are the lines of communication? In my opinion, you can not live without intimacy, and that to me is a feeling of closeness with another person. You get that closeness by talking and by sharing. If he can't have sex or doesn't want to there are things he can do to satisfy you. If the two of you can not talk about those things and he is unwilling to give you any kind of intimacy then he is being selfish and has withdrawn himself from the relationship. It is possible he's disappointed in himself but if he can't pick himself up and talk to you about things, especially how you are feeling, then a part of you will withdraw from the relationship too.
It really just a matter if YOU can live with what your situation presents.
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female
reader, kahlan +, writes (18 August 2009):
Part 1.I am in the same position as you.I will be 33 next month,my partner-lets call him David,will be 40 in October and we havent had a sex life for about 3 years.We've been together 9 yrs,and ive always had a higher sex drive than him.I dont know when we actually stopped making love,i just realised one day we weren't having sex any more!To make matters worse we have always wanted children,but time is passing me by specially as men are able to have children in their later years,while i read somewhere that if a woman has never been pregnant by the time she is 28,it is harder to have children.I could have sex with some1 else but i still find David attractive and i only want him.Im sure D's problem is phycological as well.Ive run out of space so im going 2 carry on.Maybe we can help each other,Kahlan,
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): You say doctors have not found anything wrong. Did they check his hormones and if so, do they know how to interpret the results? If they have checked his testosterone level, did they just go by the lab normal levels or did they actually compare his level to what it should be for his age. For instance, one of the biggest labs in the US is Quest Labs. Their range for testosterone is 250 to 1100. They don't give levels by age. Since the ranges are developed for men between the ages of 18 to 90, just using the lab range is not useful. A level of 260 might be normal for a man of 90, but anything less than about 600 is going to be a problem for a man in his 40s. My doctor said that less than 500 would cause my depression, loss of strength, ED and libido problems that I had last year and the year before and I am in my 60s. A lot of doctors don't recognize that.
The other things that R and B mentioned are also important to rule out. The little blue pill can work wonders for ED, but only if there is a desire there. If there is no libido and desire for sex then taking Viagra will not result in an erection in the majority of cases.
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female
reader, Mugzie69 +, writes (18 August 2009):
 Can you live without intimacy? Yes. Is it much of a life? In my opinion, no, but you must decide that for yourself, and whether or not you can deal with it.You seem to be weighing the relationship itself. If so, does he know that things are at this point? If so, and if sex is the only issue (implied by your observation about ending it 'because of this'), would he agree to your taking a lover? Would you be open to it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Has he had his testosterone levels checked? Is he overweight? Does he smoke? Is he depressed? Does he have high blood sugar/diabetes? Is he on high blood pressure medication?
Has he had a stress test to check his heart and arteries. One of the early indicators of heart disease in men can be ed, erections only happen by a miracle series of events and if he has poor blood circulation due to any of the above mentioned, he needs to take steps to better take care of his health.
Also, there are little blue pills for this problem, has he taken those?
You know the answer to your own question whether or not you can live without sexual intimacy in your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Well if a sex therapist can't help, their no good at their job then. You use reverse psychology so he doesnt stress that he isn't performing. You are careful what you say in the bedroom so he isn't comparing himself. You put out there what is stimulating to the individual male. You know what he likes. If things don't eventuate, you respond that you don't care, lowering his stress more. You wear perfumes, rub talc on parts of your body. You can without doing anything massage him or stroke parts that are pleasurable. play with each others bodies for fun. Wear clothing that is appealing, get a lingerie outfit. Experiment with other ideas. On his part, he could allow you to use a vibrator. It's about feeling comfortable with each other. Checking closely he likes something before he has to say stop. Noticing if it is not working, being tactful and discreet. Continue with what works.
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