A
female
age
30-35,
*onnaBlume
writes:is it possible for my ex to know when im happy? because it seems like he has a radar that goes off when im happy with another man. you see i live in new york and he is from new mexico. i have a boyfriend ish kinda guy. were not techanically together but we are involved and i was really happy untill saturday when my ex called me from the train station telling me he was there and asked if he could stay a couple of days. i said yes and my boy got very mad at me. so i hung out with my ex let him barrow my car when i was at work and stuff and he returned it EMPTY! what a jerk. and then he left yesterday and i went to my mans house and he wouldnt really talk to me and stuff. we made up kinda but not really. but what the heck is my ex thinking. yeah ok we were together for 6 years (on and off) but he didnt have to ruin my life yet again i dont know what to say to him to get him out of my life for good. this new boy i really like and i want to keep him. what should i do to make things right with the both of them ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): I don't think your ex is responsible for having radar and ruining your life. The responsibility lies squarely with you as much as you would like it not to be.
The current man is not officially your boyfriend, so I see no real reason he has to be angry with you...and you can tell him so. Tell him that since you are not officially anything except bed partners you can see who you want, exes included.
The fact that he is mad does show that he cares, so why not ask him yourself if the two of you can be exclusive sexually? He may not want anything more than a steady girlfriend, however, and has no intention of ever marrying you or commiting to you like that...it all depends on where he is in life and what he wants for himself in the future...
Try to test those things about him by asking him questions about how most men think or what does he think about marriage,etc....
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Your ex is your ex. If you want to keep your current guy then say no to your ex and keep him out of your life. It seems you have difficulty saying no - so one can only deduce that you want to say yes, and you want the ex in your life.If you still want your ex in your life be honest with your current boyfriend and tell him. Let your guy decide if he wants to be with a woman who insists on keeping her on/off (for six years) ex. My guess is he will not be happy. You may be able to string him along and keep him if he is in love with you but your ex does not sound like the kind of guy who has turned in to a great friend who is so happy for your new found happiness and wants you to make a go of it - and you don't sound like the kind of woman who wants to make a go of it (saying Goodbye to past relationships)..Most guys want a woman to be straight down the line and not ambiguous. You may still have feelings for your ex. You may still need the attention. Your current guy may be jealous or insecure - None of this matters. Whichever it is talk and be open - and be honest. Feelings are there for a reason.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 Next time the ex calls, say "no". No, you can't stay with me, no, you may not borrow my car. No, I don't really want to see you.
I'm afraid I'm with your boyfriend. You did not set the limit, indicate the boundaries to your ex. You rolled right over and let him take your time, your car, your personal space and your attention. Did you take into account your boyfriend's feelings at all?
You are the one letting the ex back into your life. "No, it's over and that's final." "No." "No." "No." Practice, practice, practice. Who cares if it seems mean? It isn't mean, it's practical, pragmatic and actually quite common.
To get right with your current boyfriend, you are going to have to understand it from his perspective. You seem to be stuck in yours, stuck in the past, still hung up on the ex, and until you figure out why that is, you'll never see it through your new man's eyes.
Maybe if you sat him down and shared the revelation that you were inappropriate, selfish and weak, he might see that you really understand his side. You're going to have to do some groveling, though, I think.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, beachbabe  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 Girl, your ex needs to grow up.
There is notthing wrong with being friends with your ex bf.
Your ex needs to understand that your happy with your new guy. & jus because you buys was dating 6 yrs on & off..that gives no right to treat you how he wants to.
Good luck,
xo
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): You say no to the ex and you can't see him at all because you are taken.
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