A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 22, I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have a twoa-year-old son. My boyfriend is a wonderful daddy..I seriously think he's the best dad in the world! Everything is 50/50 with us and we work as a team. He also adores me and I know he wants to be with me forever. But there are some reasons why I think I want to leave him..but I'm not sure if they're just problems any couple has or if these are serious issues. One thing I don't like is how is family doesn't like me because I'm white and they're polynesian. His mom always takes half his paycheck. I'll never be close to his family and it sucks. I could go on and on about all the weird things I don't understand about his culture. We're also of two different religions which isn't that big of a deal to us, but it would be nice to e able to go to church together every week.I also don't like his negativity. I'll be in such a happy mood then he just brings me down by being negative. I've lost 56lbs and started a healthy lifestyle and he won't do it, even though he's obese and unhealthy. His dad died at 38 of a heart attack and his mom is always in the hospital because of diabetes..the same thing will happen to him! I'm not physically attracted to him anymore ans sex seems like a chore to me. When we do have sex I always imagine him as someone else (I know that's harsh, but I'm being honest.)He also pretty much raises his brothers..they're 12 and 8. I mean, they live with their mom but we're the ones who pick them up from school, take them to the park, but their clothes etc. My boyfriend is always having to do something for his family..if they ask he HAS to do it. I understand wanting to help out, but it's like he's with them more than he's with me! He's also socially awkward. I'd love to have a man who can hold a conversation with any of my family. I feel like we're 40 but we're only 22!!! But despite all these bad things, I do love this man so much! We've been through so much together and we have more good times than bad. And our son deserves to have his parents together. The though of being a single mom terrifies me!! Can this relationship be saved or are these problems just too much? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 The 'issue' about the difference in race, that is certainly something you can easily overcome. I think that if you can, you should talk to his mother about why she hates you, make sure it is purely because you are white and then tell her that for the sake of her son, your boyfriend, you two should try to work things out, let her know that you are willing to. If she says no, then just leave, you have done all you can. Are you sure NO ONE else in his family is willing to give you a chance? If not, at least you can be close to his brothers who you help take care of.
Talk to your boyfriend about how you have been feeling. Tell him that, whilst you appreciate how he is open with his thoughts, his negativity does not help anything in the slightest. Believe it or not, I am quite certain his health problems are linked to his negativity so if you can get him to be more healthy, you can rid both you and him of his negativity which might just help with his social awkwardness. Start there, get him to be healthier. Talk to him about it. He should appreciate how important this is to you.
Do not lose faith in this relationship. If not for his health problems, this relationship would be like most others with only minor problems. Good luck.
I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, AuntyMaur  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 Hello,
There are many deep issues here.
I would suggest a councillor or physichologist.
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