A
male
age
36-40,
*ay3532
writes:ModNote: two questions about the same issues combined.How can you tell if your being used as rebound? What are the signs and things to look out for ? (for guys) Women advice please, or guys if you have experienced being used as rebound before, what things should i look out for? thanks in advance... Am i being used as rebound? This girl i met aprox 1 year 3 months ago broke up with her bf to be with me aprox 1 year 3 months ago, she said she left him for me because her feelings for him faded, and she loves me.But the thing is im paranoid i am being used as rebound she keeps posting things about missing the past, and all those emotional type 'photos' that girls post, about moving on, and forgetting the past.In one status she posted 'i miss the past but it is all pain and memories and be thankfull i am where i belong now ', But im not sure, is all this telling me something/ or am i thinking way into it? can rebound relationships last more then 8 + months? we have been in relationship about 9 months now... thoughts please , thanks in advanced
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): In my experience. If she left him for you, then you are unlikely to be a rebound boyfriend. Usually it is the one that is dumped who ends up in a rebound relationship. She wasnt pushed in essence, she gladly jumped straight into your arms. That is totally different to being dumped by someone and just looking around for anyone to latch on to for fear of being alone.
Why she is harking on about the past and pain, I dont know. But she is saying she is thankful for where she is today! So maybe it is just your paranoia getting the better of you. Have a chat with her and ask for some reassurance if you are worried but it really doesnt sound as if you are in a rebound relationship to me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): It doesn't sound like a rebound to me, she has been with you for 9 months now, I'm guessing that's enough time for anyone to get over a past relationship. Maybe she is now just at the point where she is able to reflect on the past and talk about it and look at the photos etc as memories rather than hurtful reminders. She stated she is thankful she is now where she belongs (which I'm assuming she means with you and has moved on) so I don't think you have anything to worry about. If it was a rebound she would have gone a long time ago maybe even have ran back to her ex...but she hasn't, she's remained with you my friend so I say just enjoy what you have, and don't worry about the negative things might not even happen.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (1 June 2012):
Hi there.
Why don't you ask her if she still wants to be with him?
It seems like she's not completely over him just yet.
Also ask her - "Are you happy with me?"
And see what she says.
She met you when she was starting to get bored with the last man, and you just happened to come along.
She could be the restless type, who loses interest quickly with men after a certain time.
It might not be that she is unhappy with a guy after a while, but more that she is bored with her life generally.
It might not be anything to do with relationships at all.
A rebound relationship, could be described as one relationship started to try and forget about one which has just ended.
Like a substitution - one for the other.
However, she ended that last relationship, to be with you, didn't she?
So she knew you before it ended.
In other words, she cheated on him.
I hope that she isn't going to do the same with you!
If she says that she loves you, well then for now you are going to have to take her word for it, until anything happens to destroy that trust you have.
You don't really have much of a choice in the matter, right now.
As long as she does treat you well and with respect and dignity, and has proven herself to be trustworthy, well then you probably don't have too much to be concerned about.
Just see how things go from now on.
Just so long as she is not seeing the last boyfriend anymore.
Otherwise if she was still in contact with him and/or seeing him, I would be worried that it was not over after all.
And then there would definitely be some trust issues.
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A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (1 June 2012):
 Rebound relationships often times aren't too hard to spot. Most often you only need to rely on your gut! From what you write, she probably still has some emotional baggage and feels the right thing to do is to try and move on... But it's a fallacy. Burying emotions, especially by women is an explosion waiting to happen. One thing may tip the scales and before you know it, everything's spiraling out of control.Now to your question... Giving a tangible response based on observable traits as to whether you're a rebound/or not is not a strait forward task, especially where feelings are concerned. A person either male or female may carry on a relationship with someone who isn't "THE ONE" for brief to very extended periods, months or even years for various reasons. Some for selfish reasons while others may do it as they feel that that's the best they can do or they can't get who or what they REALLY want.When a relationship is hot and you're both into one another, you know it!! There's no need for rocket science to try figure it out. You want to spend loads of time together, all you think about is your significant other. YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT OR REMINESCE ABOUT OLD FLAMES (or baggage of that kind), you want to share what the two of you have with the world. You feel connected etc etc. Likewise when you both aren't reading from the same script...YOU'LL KNOW IT!!You haven't really provided that much info for one to near accurately assess your situation and give you advice as regards the way forward, but most often people are right on when they tell you to trust your gut and see if the two of you still have some form of connection
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