A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just really need some advice, i guess sometimes it's more helpful hearing advice from people i do not personally know.I'm not sure, but i think I am depressed. I know a doctor can only disgnose someone with depression, but how can one actually know when one is depressed?I have done SO much research and i have most, if not all the symptoms. However, when I am not bothered for people to know something is wrong with me and make a fuss, i can act so content and laugh and smile. (then again i do study acting and have done for over 4 years) I have been through SO MUCH in my life, i still do not understand how I'm still here, I lost my father 3 years ago suddenly, and ever since I have been losing people i know and love (family friends/relatives)I am grateful for my life, don't get me wrong, but i can't stand it. I feel i have no social life, i am ALWAYS negative. I used to have an eating disorder and many issues which i will not go into right now, and i just can not cope. I have tried counselling before, it did not help atall. I cry at times for NO reason whatsoever, yet mostly i repress everything I experience and keep it to the back of my mind.I dislike being around alot of people, and i am not a morally bad person, but i have these thoughts and needs of wanting to be with an older man (married), and the idea of ruining a marriage does not make me feel bad whatsoever. But really, i am a strong christian i am not a bad person, i just do not know what is wrong with me! Please help..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, agonyunclechris +, writes (2 November 2008):
 hi, if you repress emotion it doesnt go any where it builds up in your body, this is a known fact. so all the bad times in your life will just be there, this is probably what is causing the depression, the fact you have these things hindering you, this is also probably what is causing you to be anti social. one thing i have noticed is you are negative talking, and its like you accept you have depression and its an issue you wont get over. you need to accept you can get over it and do so, you can do this by releasing all thoes locked up emotions, they are really bad for your mental health especially bad emotions. you must see your doctor because he/she will be able to give you the best treatment, most probably some therapy in which they will be able to help you leave these burdens of emotion behind and set yourself free again. also i think you need to reconsider your thoughts about being with a married man because as a christian you know marriage is a sacrement to god and if you destroy this then god is surely not going to be pleased with you. take care, please see your doctor, i used to be the same as you are now and i had some therapy and boy i am the most positive outgoing person you will meet today. god bless you. your in my prayers. chris
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): You are just analysing your life too much. Just because you happen to know about psychology, you are comparing the symptoms and concluding firmly that you are depressed.
Look i am not here to prove you wrong, but everyone in this world is a bit cranked up with life. Man is always gonna be restless, coz thats thh only way he will awaken and come to connect with his spirit.
Coz of all that has happened to you, i can understand you feeling depressed, not knowing wht you are living for. But dont worry, Jesus is here to take care of u, n he is gonna reveal all the answers to you, but you have to have faith in him n wait for it to happen.
Our mind is very small in front of his creative ideas, we cannot always fathom why certain things happen to us, so its better if we leave that part to God.
You right now need to first bring your mind in control, to control the way it is running around. Practise yoga, or any type of meditation. If u like dancing, go for it. All these hobbies bring our mental focus to one thing thereby you stop looking at minute things in life with a very huge focus. Another simple way to start easing out your life would be - before going to bed, right from the bottom of your heart Thank god for all that he has given you. Believe that he has been, n wil be doing the best for you. Also say a small prayer of surrender wherein you surrender all your desires, aspirations, troubles to him and then just let go. If u do just this much, believe me you will start relyin on God and take urself easy. Once you are at ease with urself, u will be in a much better n confident position to deal with things in ur life. You wont just get panicked but you will look at things broadly n work out on them.
Its ok, i dont know ur age but at every age the call of thh spirit troubles our routine life n it is this very difficult time that is actually pushing us closer to the spirit... So let it happen... just take urself easy n live life. Ur life is in the present, bring urself to the present and live it large. God will take care of u child. We are all humble children of God, he can never let us go!! Tc
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): If you are a Christian, why do you want to hurt someone by destroying their marriage? That's not being a Christian. That's evil. It sounds like you want someone else to suffer like you are suffering. Absord yourself in self-help books. Read positive thinking books, like "The Power of Positive Thinking" "The Secret" "The Power of Now". Read these types of books over and over and over for the rest of your life so that you can end all the negative thinking that is destroying you and others around you.God Bless You!
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (4 May 2008):
 I don't think counselling is right for everyone. I don't think prayer is right for everyone.
I think that in the end your answers and the strength to move forward has to come from within you, and although counselling, friends or relatives, prayer and even agony aunts may help you get there, at the very best all that any of them will do is to help you to make the decisions yourself and find the solutions yourself.
You do have the strength in you to find your own way, and you start learning to use that strength as soon as you realise that the way forward really is worth finding. And it is. It always is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your answers guys.
The problem is i would really definately go to see a therapist or counsellor. the only problem is, i have a really strict family, a strict christian family who do not ackowledge or understand therapy. They would never understand why i need it. Thus, if i ever was to see someone for help, my mum could never know! I don't know how that is possible, there's not way she'd let me see someone, it's not because she doesn't care it's just because she doesn't understand, she believes prayer is the only way.
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A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (2 May 2008):
 Hiya! I think you probably are depressed, I feel the same because of an older man I cannot be with! I can totally compare myself to you, mail me if you like! Take care x
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): Hunny I forgot to say I lost 2 friends in the past 2yrs and going and talking really helped me as I went into a very deep depression through the loss and grief, Its getting better now sweetheart with good help and understanding people it will get better WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (2 May 2008):
You may be depressed, but it doesn't sound like you have depression. It doesn't hurt to go and talk it through with a doctor. They are the experts and they can go through it all with you and that may help.
Losing someone close makes many people feel just the way you do. Worst is when the emotions suddenly hit you for no reason and you cry without even realising the reason you are crying. It just seems suddenly that life is too much. I do it, although less each year because it starts to become easier to control. It's 4 years now since I lost my eldest son suddenly and then my mother two months afterwards, and it's only recently that I haven't had times when I feel like there's no point in going on. What brought me through more than anything was watching my son's fiancée struggling to cope. She was just 21 and had been his girlfriend since she was 14 and living with him in their own flat since she was 18. She lost her father just after they bought a place together. She clung to us, my partner and I, and needed us, and now she is beginning to manage to move on. She, and my other children, gave me something to focus on, something that was worth having and worth going on for.
Crying is good. It releases the emotions. Better still is to have a point of focus, something you can say "yes, that's what I'm doing. That is what's worth doing". I think it's natural for you to want the security of someone older and more stable in your life, but I think that's not where you really ought to be looking. It sounds trite and trivial to say get a hobby, but effectively that's what you need to do: something that really holds your interest and that you can feel is really worthwhile. Maybe some sort of charity work that involves people on a one-to-one basis; or writing fiction (one of the things I do); or gardening or something like that. It has to be right for you.
A lot of people will tell you that you need to talk to someone, to tell them everything. Maybe. It isn't for me. I keep my emotions in me. They're mine, and they're private. There's more of them in this reply than have ever been spoken, and that's the way it's going to stay.
Anyway, I really wanted to say that I feel some of what you are feeling. You're not alone. Now, I know I've gone on and on about me, but I really hope you can get something useful out of it. Feel free to send me any of your thoughts or questions through the private message system on here if there's anything you want to say or ask that you don't want to do publicly.
Susan
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): Hunny
You need to go back to your doctor, And see another counsellor it may not have helped last time but you have to give it time to get real help and real help is what you need love.....Thinking about things that could happen anyone can do this hunny but its not something you would really wish to do hurt another person really this is your depression and you really should go to the doctor after what you have said....
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthproblems/depression/depression.aspx
Please go and see your doctor hunny so you get the help and understanding you really need..WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): okay so depresion is a normal thing when it comes to deaaling with deaths. i personally havent delt with a lot of deaths in my life time but i know how it feels to just not be able to let go. as far as bieng negitive thats completely up to you. you have to want to be happy to acctually do so. you say you are a christian, hello sister! so am i. and the bible says a million things about finding happiness "the adultress," mainly in proverbs. maybe this will help you out:he who pursues rightousness and love finds life, prosoerity and honor. proverbs 21:21you might also want to read all of proverbs seven.. i assure you it will help you.... listen to Gods words, he loves you and wants you to be happy in all the right ways...
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