A
female
age
51-59,
*tar821
writes:I have been married for 10years and with my husband a total of 20years. Because of financial problems our family (3kids) had to move in with his parents 2 years ago. He started staying out all times of the night and sometimes not returning at all. He started accusing me of cheating on him when it was really him cheating on me with someone he knew 14 years ago. He continued to harass me and cheat with this woman. He even moved in with her for 5months before he came back to try to work things out. I suspected that they were still messing around and this past October he moved out of state to find work. She has since moved to the same city that he lives in and they are now living together with her two kids. He says that he is just using her to get himself together so that he can return to be with me and our children. I have since moved and now living in my own house with our 3 kids. He has even had the nerve to ask me for money to help his household. When I refused to he became angry and basically blames me for his problems that he has since he has left. I have some perspective on this but I could sure use some more.
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female
reader, star821 +, writes (20 April 2010):
star821 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust returned from Georgia cause my husband was admitted to the icu for an anuerysm. I felt it was the right thing to do at least for my children's sake. He was surprised to see me but not thrilled. The other woman and I had a chance to talk and now I'm completely done with him. He told lies to both of us. He is going to recover which is good, but this trip has finalized my decision to divorce. I just want to thank everyone for their advice.
A
female
reader, star821 +, writes (20 April 2010):
star821 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust returned from Georgia cause my husband was admitted to the icu for an anuerysm. I felt it was the right thing to do at least for my children's sake. He was surprised to see me but not thrilled. The other woman and I had a chance to talk and now I'm completely done with him. He told lies to both of us. He is going to recover which is good, but this trip has finalized my decision to divorce. I just want to thank everyone for their advice.
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A
female
reader, star821 +, writes (19 March 2010):
star821 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou want to believe that he will change for the better but I know I don't deserve to be treated this way. What has helped and pulled me through this foolishness is rediscovering my faith. Nowadays that is what keeps me going. When I feel myself distracted. I jump into my kids issues and its easy to not dwell on this mess.
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A
female
reader, mischieviousangel916 +, writes (18 March 2010):
Misery loves company. Do not hand him a dime. Let the other woman do that stuff. He has a big ego. He is nothing. Let him be miserable by himself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): If he is using her now to get himself together, leave them to get on with it and dont give him anything. He should be providing for your family, not asking you to help fund his new set up!
What a loser! Hes there blaming you for it all, asking for money while using some other woman.
Well done on getting your family back together again. Leave him to sort out his own mess. Dont give him a dime x
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Good for you for moving and getting a home for you and the kids!
Your husband sees you are doing well enough financially to get your own place and now he's looking for a handout. When he told you that he's using the other woman so he can come back to you, he was counting on you being so desperate without him that you would be willing to give him money to "get himself together" because you want him to come home so badly. When that didn't work, he blamed you for his situation, hoping that he could guilt you into sending him the money. He is trying to manipulate you and now that you are doing better, don't be surprised if he says he wants to back to you and the kids. Don't fall for it!
The fact that he has the nerve to ask you to help him support his new "family" shows that he thinks you are desperate and foolish enough to do anything to get him back. Asking you to help him also shows that the well-being of his kids is not a priority to him, since any money you give him is taking food out of their mouths. The next time he asks for money, agree to help him and send a money order for a dollar.
If you haven't already, file for a legal separation so you can start divorce proceedings and get an order of child support.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 March 2010):
This is a classic. He made bad decisions in his life that have landed him where he is, and rather than admit to them, he chose to blame you because he can't face the reality that he and he alone has screwed up. I'm so glad that you saw the light and moved out and are now in your own house. That is the best choice you have made! Don't give him a thing, and just make sure you get exactly what he owes you for the children and you. He made his decisions, he cheated. He screwed up. Don't waste another tear, another second on this man. Focus on yourself and your kids.
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (17 March 2010):
 seems to me like this guy is using you not considering your feelings and taking you for granted if i was you i wouldnt even consider giving him another chance he has cheated on you is even having a relationship with this other women but still expecting you to take him back because he says he is using her to get himself more stable you need to concentrate on what is good for your children and yourself this guy is just pulling you down and will continue to unless you put a stop to this you are not to blame for his problems financial difficulties or cheating so dont blame yourself
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 The man is a bastard and is ruthlessly using you. He does not deserve another minute of your time or another tear from your eyes. You're absolutely better off without him. I think your kids would also benefit if you two split. There's no benefit for children if they see their mother being abused this way.
You are not guilty for his cheating. He is.
I have the feeling that you're feeling confused. On the one hand, your rational self sees what is going on. On the other hand, your beating, warm heart refuses to concede defeat. That is simply because you love the man. But he isn't worthy of that love.
My heart is with you.
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