A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey guys just wanted your help plz. I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 7 months, we have a good relationship. I don't know whether I'm in love with her, but I do feel close to her. She says she has never felt like this for anyone before which is quite touching. I have never felt comfortable and able to be myself with a girl before.Only I have problem. I don't know whether it's depression or not. She is my first girlfriend and we are still both virgins. She has been with two other guys before, one for about two months and one for two weeks. They both cheated on her. She has also had a fling and kissed a few random guys. Ok I know she had done all that before she was with me and I appreciate her being honest with me but it bothers me she is more experienced. I'm an alrite looking guy and I have liked girls before but for some reason I never had the balls to take it further. I had a fear of rejection. The problem I have is that I also want to be experienced but at the same time I don't want to lose this girl, I keep feeling regret that I havn't had experience before and that was down to my low self confidence. I keep wanting to turn the clock back. I feel stupid that I want to be experienced, but I don't want any other girl but this girl at the moment. I don't want to let her go also cuz I have a fear that no other girl will want me. I haven't had a good experience with girls and being rejected hurts. I also regret other areas of my life and feel low about myself. I want to have a vision in my life and go forward and make my family happy. I also want to be happy with my girl!!! She does care for me like no other girl has.I keep having this burning feeling within me everytime the thought of her past comes up. I don't make myself think of her past it just happens. The silly thing is she hasn't even done much in comparison to other 20 year old girls. It bothers me cuz she's done more then me! I keep wanting to ask about the guys and what they did together. I know that when she tells it will make it worse, so I don't ask. I need help in this area to. I don't know what's wrong with me. My head is in a mess! I also feel envious of her friendship group. It's so nice how they are close and chat to each other. I'm always wishing I had that. Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate all of my close friends but I'm always comparing myself not only to my girlfriend but other people too and I feel my life isn't that good. I am under alot of pressure from family at the moment too and feel I cant do things, even things like getting a house sorted for them. Just the thought of responsiblity, I dont believe in myself. It's even little things like on MSN, everytime I sign on not everyone talks to me and I feel I keep having to make the effort. Even on facebook, stupid things like writing on peoples on walls( writing messages) this bothers me cuz no one writes just like that on my wall whereas on my girlfriend's wall so many people write things and I feel like crap and no one cares about me. Theses feeling have been happening for a long time and I want to get rid of them! I am always masturbating too, I find it helps but I'm doing it too much! Can someone help me sort out my life and show me how to have a positive outlook? Am I depressed??. I'm always having this fake smile for people and they think I'm a happy person but I'm not deep down. HELP ME PLEASE SOMEONE SORT ME MY LIFE OUT FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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both virgins, confidence, depressed, facebook, her past, msn, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (11 July 2007):
 I don't think you are at all depressed, I just think that you are so worried about not being "that" experienced, which you shouldn't, it will come natural...trust me, when the "time" is right!! You should be so happy in knowing how long the both of you have been together, and see each day as a new day of a beginning with the both of you together. You should not think of her past and nor should she of your's...it's the past! If the two of you are truly in love, then each day should be where you show love, respect and where each feel that they can trust one another.
Looks are NOT what and how a person should view another, it is in the heart of how they feel towards each other because of the type of wonderful person they are towards each other. It is because what they do for another, send praises their way, they really listen to each other in what they say and respect each other no matter what. There would be no reason to cheat or lie because you love this person with all your heart and IF the thought even crossed your mind, you would look in to your heart and seek why is this happening and work out those feelings so that is doesn't happen so no one gets hurt...the hurt and pain from this can last forever in their heart and most likely will never go away.
No one wants to be rejected, however, it has probably happened to everyone in one shape or form. I will say this, if you are really not ready, then neither of you should push it in any way to have sex...let "it" happen when you two are really ready. Maybe both of you should save your self for marriage? And if not, let each of you discover yourselves and what each likes and dislikes. Don't be afraid to ask questions, and she may be to shy to answer just yet as she to still needs to discover herself. No one is a professional over night, we learn as we get older what is important to our loved one and we work at it so each of us enjoy each other. No one is the same either, we all are different in our needs of what we want and what we can do to please our significant other.
You should never compare yourself to others...you are you and that is that. If you are always wishing you had the type of friendships she had, maybe join in with conversation with them and work towards achieving that type if that is what you so desire. Sometimes we do have to work at it no matter what it is, it just doesn't come falling in our lap.
She sounds like she does care a lot about you from what you have written and you should not only be happy, but make the most of what you have to continue it on. You shouldn't "down" yourself as this is not what anyone wants to see or be around...maybe you have been seen as this way and that is why no one maybe wants to talk or be around you. YOU are in control of your life of how you want to be. If you are sad or depressed and sometimes even worried, people are not attracted to this type of person. If you are a happy person full of life, people strive to be around you...change your attitude and have some faith!
Masturbating is normal, your probably just "relieving" your stress out...and because again, your still young and discovering yourself. It's ok! Hormones!!
When you wake up in the morning, put a smile on your face and DECIDE today (and everyday), I am going to be happy, positive in thoughts and full of life...then JUST DO IT...isn't that what NIKE says?
My best to you and your girlfriend!!!
A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hi there darling,
You say you have been with your girlfriend now for 7 months well I have to say well done hun thats a positive thing so you must be doing something right sweet, and she has never felt like this for anyone how lovely, proves your a great guy to me...
You have stated you are both still virgins so why are you allowing your head to play games with you she is no more experienced than you are babes, forget her past relationships they only lasted two months and the other 2 weeks you have lasted 7 months that is something to be proud of....
Everyone hates rejection darling so don't allow this to ruin your relationship, ok it is scarey the first time but its fun learning from one another so relax a little when the time is right make it special for both of you tell her to let you know when you touch her if its nice or not be patient caring and loving and I promise you it will all turn out wonderful....don't be embarrassed to ask her she is your girlfriend and like wise I am sure she will be just as worried as you are when it comes to it....
You don't need to know what she did in her past relationships it obviously wasn't much so don't allow this burning feeling inside you get out of control its the past so let it be....
You say your envious of her friendships well hun, girls do talk more are more touchy feely about things where as guys tend to be strong, don't be jealous of this it shows what a great girl you have there so be proud she is popular and guess what she's your girl so what a lucky fella you are!!!!
Ya know what honey you just don't realise what a great guy you are cheer up sweet life can be tough I grant you that but leave the past in the past it can't be re-lived you can only move on and its up to you how you manage that on a day to day basis......Look around you, you say your an okay guy you have a great girl who loves ya how lucky is that......
Look in your mirror every morning and tell yourself this:
"I love you your a great guy" sounds silly, well do it every day and I mean every day because everyone has one person in there lives who should love them and thats themselves, so learn to love yourself hun why shouldn't you, you know your a good person, then once you start loving you all the rest will fall into place I promise ya that....
You take care honey I wish you all the love in the world,
Love Donna
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hey, she might have had 2 other boyfriends but she didn't sleep with them, she is still a virgin so she's just as inexperienced as you are. You are too hard on yourself here. You are growing up and are at a stage in your life where you have important decisions to make. Your hormones will also be all over the place, you realise that it is a big world out there and it can sometimes be overwhelming.
Just remember, although you might not think this, lots of other kids your age will be going through the exact same thing, you can't see inside of them and they can't see inside of you (which is a good thing) so just remember, even although you are feeling down and insecure and don't have a lot of self worth, NO ONE CAN TELL!!!
What you need to do is start thinking positive thoughts instead of negative ones. Positive thinking can turn your whole life around and actually draw positivity to you, did you know that? If you keep thinking negatively all the time and keep putting yourself down then all you will attract is negativity. The first thing you need to tell yourself is "My girlfriend says she's never felt like this about anyone before". What a compliment! Even although you don't rate yourself highly, she certainly does! She doesn't care if you've been with anyone else before, she loves you for YOU!!!
Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you've got a lot going for you. You are able bodied, you have a girlfriend who thinks the world of you and a family who love you. If you want to get back from people then you need to put look positive and happy, suggest new things, places to go etc, look good after yourself and make sure you always look good and smell nice, emphasise your good points, put out positive vibes and you'll see that you'll actually draw people to you, like a magnet!
Don't think about what hasn't happened (re more experience with sex) make it happen with your girl! Remember, she is still a virgin too so make that first time for both of you special! Communicate with her, ask her about herself (women like to talk). Compliment her and let her know how you feel about her! Love her and protect her and you'll get back tenfold.
The MSN and facebook thing are just you feeling insecure, that's all show so don't worry about that. Keep thinking positive and you'll see how that changes but don't always be first to say hi to people, let them seek YOU out!
Masturbating is perfectly healthy and makes you feel good, you feel a bit insecure just now and this helps make you feel better but it IS normal so you have absolutely nothing to worry about there.
Tell yourself you are a wonderful person and your girlfriend is lucky to have you! Focus more on all your good points, what are you good at in school/college? Are you a good listener, are you good at sport, do you like to draw? We're all good at something so think about it and hone in on it. Have a look at this movie, it will change the way you see things and will certainly help you to become a more confident person and will make you feel you can tackle anything. The movie is called The Secret, it is $2.95 (£2.50) to watch from your PC immediately but worth every penny.
http://thesecret.tv/home.html
Watch it, listen and apply what it says. Remember always: You have a mind, your feelings come from your mind therefore you can control your feelings. In other words, YOU are in charge and nobody else. YOU determine the future. And you become what you THINK. So think positive thoughts and this movie will help you do this!
Get back to me and let me know how you fair okay?
Eve
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