A
female
age
30-35,
*andyclouds
writes:Well, I'm not sure where to start. I am very in love with my boyfriend and we have the best laughter together. Everything is good except.. He doesn't seem to care at all whether I orgasm or not. He refuses to give oral, and we've talked about it a few times, and his response is "he just doesn't do that." This is the only way I can have an orgasm through intercourse (he is very aware of this), and so that is the reason it is important to me. If I could have one through penetration, it probably wouldn't be too big of a deal. Every time it comes up he seems very offended, and we've had a few arguments over the subject. I love him and enjoy the relationship, but is it crazy to consider leaving him over this? I think anyone would start to feel distanced once they realized they would never have an orgasm with the person they were in a relationship with.. I am very confused and a little hurt. Any advice would be wonderful. Thank you.
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oral sex, orgasm Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, underground_princess  +, writes (31 May 2010):
"I'm starting to feel resentment and at this point I never initiate sex because I know I'm just going to end up dissapointed at the end. I'm a very sexual person and it's a big deal to me."
If you can't find another way to orgasm, and he can't show any interest in making you get there- Well, honey, I'm sorry, but you two are just not compatible. You know, I know, and other people on here know - there are many guys out there who would LOVE to fulfil your desires.
Good luck
A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (30 May 2010):
 Short answer: it absolutely can (and in my opinion, should) be negotiated. :)
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A
male
reader, Kama +, writes (30 May 2010):
I echo the princess: Guys who think they would do anything for love, but not that, in my opinion, need to get a clue - Show him your needs are just as important as his; if he doesn't like it, leave him. I would. Sorry if that's crass, but we're talking about your sexual satisfaction here - how would he like being diddled every time with no climax? I think this is a young guy thing, and one that they should quickly realize is just silly - I would go so far as to say that he is objectifying you during sex if he doesn't give a shit if you cum or not. Stand up for yourself!
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A
female
reader, candyclouds +, writes (30 May 2010):
candyclouds is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for all the responses :)
to add more information..
- yes i give him oral. hes always told me that he loves it. ive tried holding off on giving it to him but he doesnt really seem to mind it unless its been too long without it.
- i have only had one orgasm through penetration and that was years ago with a different partner. im not necessarily saying its IMPOSSIBLE but it seems difficult for me.
I have tried going more in depth with his reasons as to why he won't do it, I told him if he needs help I would show him the best ways to perform it, if he wants me to shower right before i would, etc. etc. He just tells me he knows how, and that it has nothing to do with how i smell.
I don't think it's a problem with me because my previous sexual partners all went down on me.
I'm starting to feel resentment and at this point I never initiate sex because I know I'm just going to end up dissapointed at the end. I'm a very sexual person and it's a big deal to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): You can't make him go down, he clearly doesn't want to do it. What you can do is stop giving him oral sex. If that doesn't work, try experimenting with different positions to see if you can orgasm that way. Failing that... its time to get a more receptive lover.
Best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, underground_princess +, writes (30 May 2010):
Need a bit more information on this one, for starters, do you give oral sex?
And has he explained why? Apart from "he just doesn't do that".
If he has no reason then I think he's quite selfish. I know few guys who are such selfish lovers, most are keen and eager to please. Perhaps you need to cut him off for a little while (unofficially of course) and make him work for it. Make him seduce you into having sex again, and then he will have to think about your needs. He might not try straight away (you're allowed to not be in the mood) but if he never tries... well if he's not interested in having sex with you enough to turn you on first, then I'd say break up with him. If he has no interest in your needs at all sexually, well then you need to figure out what for reasons you are together outside of the bedroom. Then weigh up your needs again, sexual vs emotional. Hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, vssia +, writes (30 May 2010):
I'm pretty sure that you can have an orgasm without oral... infact I know you can because their is nothing that oral has to do with it.
Secondly, you need to really consider weather having an orgasm is a want or a need. Once you've decided that, you can decided weather to split with him or not.
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A
female
reader, cmander +, writes (30 May 2010):
i don't think it's crazy to leave him, sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship, it's up there with honesty, communication and, respect.
how long have you been togeather? me and my partner have been togeather four months and the first time we slept togeather there where no fireworks, i thought 'oh crap' cuz i really liked him and thought if this doesn't improve then well... but we talked about sex more and more and now it's amazing. he was just shy.
okay anyway some guys just don't do oral, end off story just like some girls don't do bj's.
first do you get waxed down there? it helps, guys love it.
second are you always freshly showerd before bed nice and clean? that may also help cuz he'll realise your clean and won't smell. (don't use soap on your vagina it can cause it to smell just use water it cleans itself naturally) and,
lastly if he just wont budge, get some lube and use a generous amount and get him to rub you down there the lube will mimik the wetness of his tounge.
hope this helped it's all i could think of saying. good luck with ya boyfriend.
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