A
female
age
30-35,
*iggles17
writes:I need some advice. When I was four months pregnant I left my son's biological father because he forced himself on me sexually and used to hit me. After we split I tried to be civil with him for our son's sake. Well sometime later we got into a big fight because he did not like the guy I was seeing at the time (keep in mind the guy I was with I had known my whole life and we dated before only split because he left for marine bootcamp and didn't want me to be tied down when he couldn't be here. however he came home after being injured in bootcamp, and confessed to me that he still loved me and wanted to give it another try, he also knew I was pregnant by my ex and wanted to help me with the baby) so my ex gave me a choice to either leave my bf and go back to him or he was taking me to court for custody of my baby, well i said take me to court. Well he said never mind and that he never wanted anything to do with me or my son ever again. He even told his friends and family that I got pregnant by my now husband and tried to make him think it was his, but i didnt care I was happy about this because I was scared that he'd hit my son like he used to me and now he wouldn't be in my son's life.. well my now husband has been with me since then and he even signed my son's birth certificate. He has given us a home, food, clothes, he takes care of my son anyway he needs (food, diaper change, bath, you name it he does it.)He even calls my son our son because he has been there before his birth and considers him his own. My son is now 10 months old. Here is the problem, I recently heard from one of my ex's friends that he has been threatening to take me to court to get rights to my son. My question is can he do that? He hasn't been a father to my child, I still have the message he sent me saying he wanted nothing to do with us ever. I dont want my son to know him at all and he already calls my husband dada and loves him very much, I want to keep him from my son. What can I do if he comes after us?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): Get a lawyer and let them handle it. Yes your ex can take you to court but I'm sure the chances of him winning anything are slim to none but that's for your lawyer to figure out. (you can take anyone to court over anything but doesn't mean anything will come of it.)don't try to maintain any sort of relationship with this ex for your son's sake. your son has a father - your husband. it would be unfair and an insult to your husband to try to maintain any sort of relationship with your ex. A father is someone who reliably and stably provides and commits to the child. Not whoever got you pregnant.
A
female
reader, Giggles17 +, writes (26 November 2011):
Giggles17 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you everyone for your advice, and soon567 I am a good mother, I'm looking to protect my child I am not trying to exact revenge. I don't want my child to go through what his father put me through. It does not make me a bad person to not want my son to be around someone who has a history of hitting when he doesn't get his way.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (26 November 2011):
Yes you play that tape in court to show his disconnect for his child. Hopefully, he get a good lawyer and have him display ur life and challenge ur rights as a mother. i hope he did deep in ur and you new husband background. Your some kind of mother that use her child to exact revenge against the father. Let that man be in his child life. Who cares what you want. Its the child that matters not you. Let this man see his child.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 November 2011):
 Yes he can. Whether you like it or not he is the father.
However, since your current man signed the birth certificate, unless he (the bio-dad/sperm donor) gets a DNA test to prove the child is his, he doesn't really have a foot to stand on.
Don't let that creep dictate how you live your life.
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A
female
reader, mammaboo  +, writes (25 November 2011):
 Keep the message as evidence of his behaviour. If he does take you to court then tell the courts you are willing for him to have supervised contact at a contact centre one day a week to begin with.tell the courts your reason for this and that you are very worried about his behavior.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 November 2011):
 Yes, he could definately take you to court, but as dmartin said, the only way he will gain custody is if you're proved to be a poor parent and this does not seem the case at all.
You should be fine and have nothing to worry about.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (25 November 2011):
 He could try but he would NEVER get custody unless you are proved to be an unfit mother.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 November 2011):
 Am afraid as the biological father he does have the right to contact with your son. If you are scared for his safety well then you can bring that up in court so that his visitation rights are in a contact centre so that he is not left alone with your son. I can see how hard this is for you and off course you are going to be worried. But try not to worry to much he might just be mouthing of, if he hasn't bothered with your son up until now then he might not bother. But if he does make sure you show the courts the message on your phone and tell them how he treated you. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (25 November 2011):
 The short answer is yes he can. Since he is the biological father he will always have this option. My advice to you is keep a detailed log of all the stuff you hear from and and the dates and times he has abused you or has acted in a way that isn't fit for him to have joint custody over your son. He would never get full custody and I don't think he realizes that is he went to court he would be ordered to pay child support.
Other than that all you can do is hope it is a bluff or that if it does happen that the court will see your side of things.
Best of luck to you and your family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): I am uncertain as to 'rights' in the US but I think its harder for men like the Ex down there to fight for his rights.
Its probably a claim or scare tatic. You hear garbage like that, say, well I'll believe it when I'm served. Then push it out of mind or at least shelve it.
In Canada, a Man has his rights to his child regardless if he hasn't been involved for years. The Child has rights to his birth father.
The claim can be abandonment in Canada but again, the courts are in favour of doing what is right by the Child more than anything and a child has rights to his birth parents, even if they are not the greatest.
Just because you don't like the Sperm Donour, dont' want son to know his birth dad, or Sperm Donour is a loser- does not legally prove he is a threat or unfit so technically, don't even TRY to obstruct access. To do so in Canada can have the Child placed with the other Parent by default.
So really Dad will have access rights, meaning you and Husband will be the HOME where son is raised but Sperm Donour can visit him.
So maybe talk with Husband about a plan should it go to court and you want supervised visitation access only to start as you don't trust the Ex.
But for now, its just talk. I wouldn't overly worry about it. Worry is a waste of energy because its just something we do to occupy the mind and for what?
DEAL with it WHEN it happens.
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