A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone what do you think about this situation and who is in the wrong here?my fwb and I have been having sex for 8 months now, I really like him and I thought he did me. we both agreed not to have sex with anyone else, he is a bouncer so I know he has plenty of opportunity to do so. anyway this is how it is we met, he said he just wanted sex as he just got out of a long term relationship I have been single a while now and I am a single mum. everytime we agree to meet up the past twice now he has text me saying he can't make it he, lives 6 doors away from me he just says he is always busy with work all the time or he is at the gym.I really like him but don't know how much longer I can put up with him treating me like this. I also stayed at his a few weeks ago even though he totally forgot all about me supposed to be staying with him. that same night I found a womans hairbrush and hairslides on the bedside cabinet with blonde hair in, I'm blonde but they weren't mine so I had a go at him on the morning he said they are probably his sisters, so I asked why they would be in his bedroom if they were his sisters. I went back round his half hour later and they had gone now we haven't spoken for three weeks, he asks me to text him more which I was doing but he seems really off towards me and doesn't want to talk so I haven't text him for three weeks but he never texts me either. I made him jealous after I found that hairbrush and slides I told him I had a man coming round to see me he told me not to sleep with him so I cancelled cos he looked really gutted. things were ok for a week after but now I haven't heard from him he says when he is done with his diet cos he's doing a bodybuilding show we will go out and spend more time together but I've waited for him for months now so who's in the wrong here and what should I do now thank you for any answers you give :)
View related questions:
jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (26 November 2011):
 your words were that this wasa) a FWB b) "he said he only wants sex"So instead of the relationship you wanted you decided to settle for something you didnt. In the meantime you have become more emotionally attatched, and so he has backed off. From what you have written he never agreed to a relationship with you... only sex.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (26 November 2011):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-he-just-saying-he-likes-me-for.html----It's polite to update for those who have taken the time to answer your question for the first time.
Actually these are decent, TRUTHFUL answers.
Whether you want to admit it or keep being in denial about it, you are still in a FWB. He told you specifically he didn't want a relationship, he just wanted sex.
A FWB IS NOT a relationship..no where near! You're not sleeping with anyone else because you two agreed upon just sleeping with each other. Which is smart because it reduces the risk of STDs and STIs. Don't confuse this exclusive FWB for a relationship.
The only way he would be in the wrong is because he's apparently sleeping with another girl, he broke the exclusiveness. In which, I'm not surprised. You had better go get yourself tested for STDs. Also, you're in the wrong acting like some sort of jealous girlfriend when that's not what you are. You had a right to be mad about him hiding another girl, because that's putting your sexual health at risk..but not how you acted.
If you don't like the way you're being treated then stop having sex with him, and taking his scarce phone calls.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): "my fwb and I have been having sex for 8 months now" these are your words- you DID TYPE/SAY it was friends with benefits.How about being upfront and honest with yourself, take responsibility for your words and actions and stop pointing finger of blame.You are acting like a jealous, needy girlfriend and you shouldn't be because you are FWBl.Show some self respect and END IT.And no one called you mental. Not cool about being jealous and playing games but not mental.Take some time. Cool off. Come back and re-read.He's not good for you and NEVER settle for a FWB type of relationship because you JUST CAN'T Do it let alone you DESERVE Better.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 November 2011):
 Well if that was the case why say that you are FWB's? You referred to it as that in your post because you know that is all that it is. He is using you, and you are going along with it. If you have feelings well then it is time to break of contact and move on, because he is never going to commit to you and you are going to end up getting hurt over and over again.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't lie to him and I didn't go mental I was hoping for some decent answers not having a go at me I did not go mental with him and I also never lied I did have a date coming round but I cancelled also we never agreed on being fwbs he said we are taking it slowly cos I am a single mum to a little boy from a previous relationship
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (25 November 2011):
Well he has told you he does not want a relationship just sex so I think you are expecting to much here. You have feelings for him so therefore you are going to end up getting hurt. To him he is still single, and finding this stuff in his bedroom is not a good sign. To be honest I think he just agreed to the no sex with others rule so that you don't sleep with anybody else. He is not wanting to commit to you yet he does not want to share you. He is being selfish. You need to stand up to him, 8 months is a long time if all you are getting out of it is a quick booty call. It is just sex to him, you should want more than this, not just settle for being a booty call. So it is time to talk to him and tell him either he is committed or its nothing at all. If you don't give him the choice now you will only keep hurting yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (25 November 2011):
hmmm
The first thing that strikes me here is that (as almost always happens) you have strayed way beyond the boundaries of FWB and into full on relationship.
A FWB is someone you get on well with and who you share a physical relationship. The emphasis is on the physical. You however have become emotionally attatched.
It seems to me that he made the boundaries clear. This was only ever just sex and friendship to him. I think that he has recognised your growing emotional attatchment and he has distanced himself from you - by making excuses not to meet.
I know you agreed not to be sleeping with other people, but this never seems to work. What usually happens in successful FWB relationships is that they agree to separate as soon as one partner has found someone with whome to have a full relationship with. However instead of him being allowed (he is still SINGLE, as are you) to find and meet other people you went mental when you found some evidence of this.
FWB relationships can be really poisonous, as too often one person will develope emotional attachment to the other. The other person feels trapped into something they never ever signed up for and so things end nastily.
So he MAY have found someone new, he has also been distancing himself from you. You have got jealous and thrown your toys out of the pram (and then lied to make him jealous)!
Does this sound like the healthy start of a good relationship to you?
So you ask what you should do?
I suggest you do your utmost to forget him. He got what he wanted (and what you agreed to give), and he has backed off now that YOU are trying to push him into a full relationship.
I may sound harsh, but if you had wanted a full on relationship at the beginning you should have said so, and if he wasnt willing to give you that you should NOT have settled!
Moral for the future? NEVER SETTLE! You deserve more than being used as a sex toy!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): He's a player. And He's a booty call so why are you even playing game and doing the broken hearted gal in all of this?
You aren't EVEN FRIENDS as its just when he wants sex, he knocks on your door. Seriously its supposed to be that way.
You KNOW he's not being monogamous. He isn't playing by the original rules he set out.
Time to either dump him and move on, or REMEMBER you aren't supposed to be jealous and you can still be out dating and mixing it up with other men whether he likes it or not.
You both are in the wrong for not REMEMBERING this is about sex only. Nothing more. So NO GAMES, No Jealousy. Nothing.
You both are unable to maintain the No Other Sex Partners, and both are emotionally immature to keep it at Booty Call Levell so END IT.
Move on.
...............................
|
