A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a question for the Men. If you found the right girl for you, could her love and support make you change to live up to your potential? Or should you accept them exactly the way you found them even though you know... and they know they could be and do so much more. Can Men really change their faults? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Neeraj060  +, writes (9 December 2008):
 The answer is simple yet hard to explain.
"If love is strong you can even move moutians"
What are humans made of it all emotions tied together.
If you love someone you overlook all the negative point and coming to your question I have seen must of my friends who very cahin smoker and drikers.Leave all of it beacuse Se di not liked the smell of it.
"Now that is what I call the power of love."
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 December 2008):
 It is difficult to answer this question.
When I was in high school, I met a guy who would go to the prostitutes every week, didn't do homework, always arrived late, was often drunk and was a trickster. When he married (and people asked him who he had married "AGAINST"), he wouldn't go the prostitutes, didn't drink, was punctual, and worked hard. You would think he had "changed", but he didn't; his family had taught him these were the ways of a decent, married man, so he had spent his teen years in this way, under the impression that he could no longer do that in only a few years and there was "no time to waste".
The casual observer would say he "changed". He hasn't.
I have another friend who was also a drunk (the man would drink two liters in one sitting), had two women at the same time (he was trying to find himself, you know?) and didn't really work. However, once he married, he gave up all that and worked hard. Now he drinks, once in a while, but he says he doesn't want to go back to "that life".
And finally, I have a cousin who did change after he met his girl. He didn't go out much, you know, so she took him to parties, gave him his first drinks, and was the cause of his long, muddy (and wonderful) sliding into concupiscence and sins of the flesh. They are not together anymore, but he is the same man she left. Did she change him? Was it, simply, that he got to do things he never did, and she just happened to be there?
My point is, it is very difficult to agree on what "changing" a person really means. There would need to be a clear "cause-and-effect" relationship, and sometimes it is difficult to agree there is one.
Another difficulty is the meaning of "living up to your potential". What does this really mean? Does it mean, for example, the man working so hard that he becomes the CEO in two years, and has no time for his wife and kids? Or does it mean "helping with the house chores"? Before anyone makes my life miserable, I DO THINK YOU NEED TO HELP WITH THE HOUSE CHORES. I'm just trying to show that words mean different things to different people.
I also think that it's generally a bad idea to try to change a person. It sounds a lot like "do things my way, er, the right way, or else". It would be easier to see this point if we reversed the question: can a man change a girl to live up to her potential?
What is the meaning of "fault"? My mother thinks that I have the big flaw of screaming when Arsenal scores a goal. My friends don't find that unreasonable. What's more, they find it very, extremely reasonable.
That said, I do believe that you can do some things for your girl if you really love her. It happens all the time.
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A
male
reader, Phsyciatrist-to-be  +, writes (8 December 2008):
 If a guy loves a girl, and that love is strong enough, then the simple answer is yes. Any man, deeply in love, would want to change to support, impress and demonstrate how much they love their partner.
Perhaps I am young. Perhaps I'm being a bit niave. But I dont think this is a question of statistics.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): I'm going go by my dad. He managed to change, he used to be very cold and quite controlling, he wasn't a great father/husband but he loved my mum a lot. He knew he would lose her if he didn't change. He's not perfect (who is) but yes people can change for their loved ones. If it makes them a better person, why wouldn't they want to change?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 December 2008):
 At least 50% of a man's (or woman's)personality is due to their gender. You can't change that, and you probably don't want to. Another 30% comes from their upbringing and past experience. It's too late to change that. The remaining 15- 20 % are made up of how he (or she) relates to you. That you can do something about.In short, many women have the romantic notion that if they love a man enough they can change them. They end up in sad and frustrated relationships.FA
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