A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this man for 5 months, everything is so great and perfect-except for the bedroom. He has a problem keeping it up. Sometimes it works and everything is wonderful, but there are a lot of times when it just dies before we even really get started. He is 42, I am wondering why this happens. He gets really upset and down on himself, says it's not me but I sit back wondering why didn't this ever happen with him and his other ex wives. I don't know if a long term use of drugs can do that or not. Can anyone out there help me?????
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (30 March 2009):
 There are many more reasons why a 42 year old would have erectile disfunction besides drugs, unfortunately. And you were a bit evasive about drugs - do you know for a fact that he uses drugs? There are many different drugs that long term use of could possibly cause erectile disfunction, all depending on what they are...
(of course, if you know if he IS using drugs currently, you shouldn't be dating the guy...)
MOST likely, and considering his age, any kind of circulatory problem can contribute to erectile disfunction. He is old enough to have started having health issues at age 42. He should get himself checked out by a Physician, and also, in this case, a Urologist.
Unfortunately, erectile disfunction can be simply age related, because erections become slightly less instant and less firm as a man ages. An 18 year olds erection is quite different from a 45 year olds (but then, neither are a 45 year old woman's boobs like an 18 year old girls are!).
The challenge is also between the ears, because once a man starts questioning his ability, he starts psyching himself out.
I can assure you, if you start getting personally offended by his disfunction and questioning how you compare to his ex's and his performance ability with them, he will be even MORE pressured and put upon when you both want sex again.
PLEASE, Please, try to limit any comparisons and questions and try to put yourself in his shoes.
The very first thing that I would do is get him in to see a GP. If you really care about this guy and his health, then I would be most concerned that it might be related to a larger health issue!!! First, Ask your sweetie to see a GP, and then a Urologist. Even if he is a bit upset at your reason for asking, I'm sure that he will also appreciate that you are concerned about his health and looking out for him. That's what partners do...
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (30 March 2009):
 Well, I do not think that marijuana would have much effect - more likely an asset. But certainly, there are high blood pressure medications which have been proven to cause erectile dysfunction. Even high-blood pressure alone may affect erection, but beta blockers like atenolol are notorious causes. While I have no personal experience with drugs such as cocaine, heroin, meth and all that obviously dangerous stuff, you simply must assume that the substances may wreck everything. Lack of erection may be the lesser problem that a longtime heavy drug user may suffer, along with any woman who attempts to be his mate.
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A
male
reader, WhiteKnight  +, writes (30 March 2009):
 Yes, long term drug use can cause such symptoms, depending on the drugs used of course.
However, I wonder if there is more going on here. The fact that sometimes it works, and other times doesn't - being a guy, I'm inclined to think there is perhaps something psychological going on, as bars any real physiological problems, its more likely that its psychological in nature.
Its a natural response for the woman to ask - is it me? Do you not find me attractive? I understand that response, however focus for a moment about him. Does he suffer from depression? Is there anything going on in his world at the moment that would cause stress? Hows his self esteem? If you find he's depressed at the moment, or generally down, then thats more likely to be the origin of his problems.
There are a 1001 things that could cause him to work sometimes and not other times. Speak to him, reassure him he has your support, encourage him. If all else fails, tell him to speak to your family doctor about it, reminding him its nothing to be ashamed of.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (30 March 2009):
 It depends on the drug, but the answer is yes. What kind of drug are we talking about? Prescription? Illegal narcotics? Need more info since every drug works differently and causes different physiological changes to the brain and body.
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