A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a girlfriend who I love with all my heart. We are both honest and we trust each other. We are both people who have been burned by love before. We are both people who take their time before we trust another person. Somehow we seem to be like kindred spirits. One of my problems however is that I'm a "shy" guy and she was basically the "most popular" girl in high school. I'm insecure enough to know that ordinarily I'm not the type of guy someone like her might go for. I've made jokes before about how did I get so lucky. But she didn't see them as jokes. I think she saw the insecurity that goes along with them. As we got closer she would tell me how much I mean to her and vice versa. But when she said it, like a dummy I would later ask her if she meant it. We had an argument recently and she said the one thing that bothers, even insults her a little, is the way I don't seem to trust her answers. And as much as it scared me, I realized she's right. I want to believe her with all my heart but I guess it's the insecurity that's preventing me from believing. Please someone tell me what can I do? I do trust and believe her but I know words will only convince her so much.
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male
reader, WhiteKnight  +, writes (30 March 2009):
 Hey bro,Firstly, I understand your problem - in my life I've had a couple of good girlfriends who I felt were way out of my league. The kind you expect to be with some big strong rarely handsome guy - or at least a very popular guy. Thats what the media and TV has us believe is the norm.Listen carefully however, many attractive women end up with guys YOU may think are under their radar. You know why? Because the pretty popular guys who get all the pretty girls often lack substance. A good woman, regardless of her looks, will ultimately in time (if she ever grows up and learns) realise that they want more from a guy. Sounds to me its not her that doesn't like you, it sounds more like its you who doesn't like you.Please don't manifest your own insecurities unto her. Talking is good yes, but don't put yourself down dude. There is a reason she is with you, and remember she CHOOSES to be with you. The problem here isn't that you're with a gorgeous lady (woo hoo!), but that you refuse to believe a gorgeous woman would ever be interested in you.Trust is something that takes time to build and earn, but can be shattered in seconds. One thing that always frustrates me in relationships is when I know I am trustable 100%, yet that trust is questioned. So in many ways I can understand her response, it can be offensive.Her response also encourages me to believe that she means what she says. So, stop putting yourself down, stop thinking she deserves better than you, stop finding reasons to question why she's with you and not someone better looking or more popular.She's with you dude, its her choice, and regardless of how you see yourself in the mirror, there must be something good about you before she is at YOUR side, not some popular jock type.I was a shy guy for many years - its not easy. But confidence in a guy is something women find appealing, but they also find insecurity within a guy a turn off. Step up, and enjoy what you have.You sound like a nice man. Nice guys deserve nice women. You have one. Don't question why, and accept that its right.
A
male
reader, MyDestiny +, writes (30 March 2009):
 well you need to talk to her and apoligize for deeming that you dont trust her..and you need to get over your insecurities, whoever you are, what you look like, or whatever your personality's like you're perfectly capable of having the most poular girl in school as a girl....you need to be proud of who you are.....and since she's in love with you, there's no reason for you to be insecure...gudd luck
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