A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was just wondering if anyone knows of any long distance relationships that worked out, and if yes, how did they/you make it work?.. I mean, long long long distance, as in, different countries. I'm in love with a guy who lives in Australia. He has a steady job and I am currently in grad school in America (and consequently, very broke.. as much as I would love to visit regularly), so neither of us will be moving any time soon.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007): yes i beleive so. ive been dating my boyfriend for 17 months, and its really hard, i only see my boyfriend a couple times a year. but when i see him, its totally worth it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): I am in a long distance relationship.. we have been together for 16 nearly 17 months now.. I will say it has been very hard at times.. We live in different countries.. and I have been over to the states a acouple of times staying for many weeks.. we are about to meet again in my country and we plan to be together next year.. it is hard as we both have children.. and the why we have to use Messsenger..webcam and the phone, emails and snail mail can be exhausting.. but I believe we know each other very well because we communitcate so regularly. It is very hard as my partner is ill at present,and because of the distance I have felt helpless.. the sickness due to lack of voice has prevented us from talking last few days.. but we have managed a few txts and a few emails. This has been the hardest time of all.. not being able to be there right now. In fairness .. probably would not have persued it had I have known how complex it would have become, someone local would be alot easier lol.. but I am in it now.. and I am deeply in Love... so there is no turning back for me!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): You have received some good feedback from other aunts and uncles.
In your case, there is a LOT of distance. I guess you know for starters, there's a huge time difference? For instance, if you live in California, then 12:00 am. Friday would be 6:00 a.m. Sat. in Sydney. Australia, like the U.S., has different time zones. Right now, on the East Coast here its 7:30 p.m., Thurs., which translates to 10:30 a.m. or thereabouts Fri., in Queensland!
How are you going to work out when you can both talk on IM or by phone, given that kind of difference and that he has a job and you're in grad school? Its possible, yes, but you'd have to think very carefully in order to be able to schedule a chat.
You can email and/or snail mail, yes, but that and even phone calls are no substitute for being together. You said you have no money to hop on a plane and go visit. What about him? Would he be able to take a vacation to the U.S.?
Even if you or he could visit, how often would you be able to meet? Every three months at best? But in more practical terms maybe once or twice a year!
Then what do you have? email, phone and IM? As BlueRat says, not much chance to develop closeness and really getting to know one another when you can't go out to lunch/dinner, movie, concerts, walks, just hanging out together! And being able to do these activities in person is essential to discover how much of a match you are and how much basis really exists for a long-term loving relationship to develop.
I'm sorry to rain on your parade, really I am! But perhaps your choice realistically, is to regard him as a penpal, rather than a boyfriend and not to get your hopes up for anything more than that. OR as a holiday romance if/when one or the other of you is able to visit, and figure that like most holiday romances it will be over when you return home.
The only other realistic chance to develop your relationship WOULD be if one of you were to move! But a lot is involved in that, and if you were to decide you want to go to Australia, I would STRONGLY recommend that you go for a holiday, first, and use your time there to reconnoitre and see whether you could envision yourself living there on a permanent basis (once you obtain a work permit).
But as you say, neither of you can move any time soon.
I do know you love him and its disappointing that you are both so far away. However, you really need to think about these practical issues and resolve them between you first if there is to be any hope at all of developing a good relationship!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): well....trust me they work,but only if ur willing to give it the best possible chance! im into my 5th month and we live in different country but there is only 60 miles ur so between them! the only thing i can suggest is save money cut out the things you dont need...holidays n stuff,becouse the holidays u will be having will be with him!! good luck :)
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A
female
reader, melschatbox +, writes (8 February 2007):
 Good advice, Jessie! :)
I do have to say though, that I agree with Blue Rat. I'm currently in a long distance relationship and it is not going well at all. We are married, btw. I agree, no amount of cards, phone calls, texts, gifts, etc. equate to actually experiencing life with your mate on a daily basis. I have resentments that he works so far away...he has resentments that I'm not supportive enough. Alot of our time communicating isn't about deep issues, either. We just scratch the surface with the standard "How was your day to day"...and never really delve into the deep stuff. HEy, maybe we aren't a strong enough couple to handle the long distance arrangement. We absolutely have trust in each other, but what we're losing everyday is that special connection. I would never advise a long distance relationship. But, I hope yours works out for you.
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (8 February 2007):
 I had a long distance relationship for 3 years. We were on different so we couldn't see each other more than 3-4 times a year. My friends told me it would never last.
In retrospect I can't really say how we kept things alive, except for that we both were very stubborn and had a huge amount of trust in each other. And also, when you meet so seldom you don't have a chance to get really annoyed with this person, so that helped.
Just like Jessie said, we used any means of technology to communicate: phone, online messaging, webcam. But the most important things to me, were the written snail mails I would get sometimes because I could hold them in my hands knowing that he had touched the same paper.
After 3 years we both got fed-up with the distance and I moved in with him. We're still together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): all i cansay its trust!! is the most important thing in a long distance relationship, if you rele love him and you trust him!
use MSN aswell im sure your be fine
im 19 incase you wanted 2 know im not 11 lol
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A
male
reader, Blue Rat  +, writes (8 February 2007):
I wouldn't hold out much hope. It can work, very very very occasionally, but the chances are pretty slim and the odds are against it. I don't see how you can build up any meaningful genuine closeness if you can't spend any time together.
A few texts, emails and calls? Hardly a relationship is it. You can get that on the internet.
One of you needs to move or both of you move on.
That's probably not what you wanted to hear, but there you have it. It's only my opinion after all.
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A
female
reader, ask jessie +, writes (8 February 2007):
well im only 11 and ive gone out with a boy whos in newzealand, when i livein eltham! we stayd together by using MSN messenger. its funny and a great way to keep contact. phone eachother, plan dates every so often andim sure you two will be fine!
good luck!
jessie
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