A
female
age
41-50,
*winkletoes30
writes:Ive been with my boyf for 4 years today. We moved in together last Sept, and starting planning to build our house, discussed having a baby, getting married... we were so happy and content. About a month ago, he went quiet. He was working really long hours. He started staying out late when he went out on his own, just to the quiet local. Last night, he told me he needed space. He said he loved me, but wanted to be single, he couldnt see a future for us, even though he wanted to. Is our relationship over? Hes sleeping in the spare room, I couldnt let him leave. There is no one else involved, and im dying here. What should I do to save our relationship?Please help. Im 30, and hes 25.
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (25 May 2008):
 Hello, Twinkletoes.
I was in a relationship for 4 years with an ex. We were contemplating buying a house and planning a future, but to be honest I felt something was just wrong. Not that there was anything wong with my partner. He was perfectly wonderful. We never really argued we got along with eachother we gave eachother plenty of space and spent plenty of time with eachother. There was no money issues and he was very faithful. Everything a woman would want in a man. I just missed something. That spark. So I left him. It was very simple and there was no reason I could give him other than I loved him, but I didn't think we were right. It could be as simple as that. A few weeks later I met my husband to be and whatever was missing in my ex was what my husband has. Even my parents noted the complete change in me.
It could also just be that you two are on completely different wave legnths. This whole thing about him going out and staying out late. That to me indicates he thinks he is too young for these serious commitments and wants to be young and single and in his prime. Not tide down. You never know he may get whatever is eating him now out of his system and drift back to you. It is up to you though to do the right thing and let him go though it may hurt. dont try and trap him because he will just feel caged.
I am glad you haven't jumped to conclusions about your partners fidelity, but if he does find another partner or sleeps with another, yes it may hurt, but dont accuse him of never loving you. He probably did try very hard, but in the end you cannot know how someone else feels really. I still cared about my ex, but at that point it wasn't him I was ment to be with and it hurt to hear him accuse me of infidelity and never loving him(about something I did after our break up), because I was faithful through out the relationship and respectably let him go when I first started noticing I was wasting his time. I know its human nature, but I would implore you to consider his feelings as well.
A
female
reader, Deema  +, writes (25 May 2008):
 Oh Darling, I'm so sorry for you, I can feel your pain. Its a very tough thing to happen to you, but sometimes it just happens. Sometimes its that the guy or person is more immature than you. We all change at times in our lives, that just happens too. We can't help that. And that seems to happen when we are younger. I notice that he is younger than you, not a great deal, but sometimes people do change at those points in their life where they suddenly grow up. Its tough but I remember after I got engaged to my fiance, about a year later I really just went off him and the whole idea of getting married. Problem was the invites were printed and the wedding all arranged and I knew my father would kill if I let the family down, so I married him, knowing full well I was doing the wrong thing. We stayed together a long time and had two lovely daughters from the marriage. We had our happy times but there were a lot of dreadful times too and my instincts were right, I should have let him go when I felt that was the thing to do. I guess what I'm saying is that though this is tough, it may be that in time you will see that he did you a favour. Better to let him go and find the person who is right for you, than to spend years with a person who is putting on a front, and may even have affairs to cover that. Get support from whoever you can at this time - even if its on here - it is a tough time for you darling. You will get through this though, plenty of us on here have, not that it makes it any better. Sending lots of love.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (25 May 2008):
 You deserve an explaination as to why all of a sudden he wants his space. I think I need more insight, I mean have you been having quarrels?
Also do you have proof that there is no one else? You say he stays out all night, he could have met someone else. It just seems iffy to me that one minute you are planning a fairytale future and then for a month he gives you the cold shoulder. I would get him to go along with you to see a relationship councellor to get to the bottom of all this mess. Please keep me posted. Dusky xxx.
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A
female
reader, GuardianAngel +, writes (25 May 2008):
 Hello TwinkleToes I am your new Guardian Angel if you have been together for four years and discussed marriage and children and now he wants to be single there is a big problem he says there is no one else I think he is lying to you swwetheart talk to him ask him what you have done wrong if anything and why he doesn't want you any more if he says there's nothing wrong then tell him you want to know who else he has been seeing behind your back because I think there is a big prblem and he is cheating on you.
Yours Sincerely
Guardian Angel
P.S Reply back to me and tell me how it goes ok! xx
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