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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi I'm a girl, nearly 18,and I've been with my boyfriend for a year now (who is the same age as me), I love him to bits and we have been engaged for ages now, and everything's just perfect.But there's a problem, last week my mum invited round a boy she works with from work, he's 21 and proper fit. We got on really well, and we've been texting each other, and he's told me he wants to be more than just friends, and I'm really tempted, because sometimes I feel like I really want him (if i was single I definitely wouldn't say no). He's Italian, and only staying until September, then he's going back home.He wants to meet me on Monday, and I want to as well, but the thing is, I know we'll end up kissing or doing somethin I'll regret, even if I say to myself I just wanna be friends.What shall I do? I can't leave my boyfriend, but I think I have feelings for this other boy, I did think of having a short term affair, but is that a good/bad idea?please help me, thanx. xx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 If you want to stay with your fiance then don't meet this guy. Cheating on your partner isn't fair. You want to have fun with this other guy then end things with your partner first!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2006): Have you ever been cheated on girl?If you knew how absolutely destroying it is, how sick and worthless it makes you feel for literally months, then you would not wish this for your boyfriend, even if you just cared for his as a decent person, let alone friend, or boyfriend!By the way if you think you're anything more than a potential notch on the bedpost for this Italian then you're very much mistaken!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006): You are kidding yourself. This relationship ISN'T perfect if you are thinking about cheating.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (21 June 2006):
 Affairs are never good, and you always get caught out in the end. If you dont get caught its you that has to live with the guilt and this would drive a wedge between you and your boyfriend anyway. If you really cared for your boyfriend this thought would not even enter your head. You obvisously dont care about him, so my advice is dump the poor sod he deserves better than you... that way he can find someone new that isnt a cheater, and you can have your affair!!
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A
female
reader, sez +, writes (21 June 2006):
Imagine your boyfriend had a affair with someone think how it would make you feel even if it was a short term affair. You will never have anything with this italian guy because he won't be with you all the time as he's going back to italy.
why ruin a perfectly good relationship??If you feel like this mabey your boyfriend isn't spending enough time with you or even if he is just have a romantic day out to talk and make sure things last, because if you loose your boyfriend you may never get a second chance or find someone as good as him--the italian may turn out to hae millions of girlfriends!!
meet him on Monday and tell the italian that you don't want to ruin things wih your boyfriend and leave it at that.
luv sez xxx
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (21 June 2006):
 Have you considered your boyfriends feelings at all in any of this?
Imagine if some sexy foreign girl was staying at his house and he was considering having a fling with her? Imagine how hurt and betrayed you would feel?
When you are in a steady relationship sometimes you get tempted by another person. A sexy co worker or old friend or ex who turns up but the key is fighting it. It's ok to think someone else is attractive but jumping into bed with them when you are in a relationship with someone else is not good. It's all about resisting temptation for your relationship.
Maybe its time to re-think your relationship with your boyfriend, if things are that perfect why are you seeking flings with other people? Maybe you need to work through some of these issues or consider the fact that maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship at the moment if you want to sleep with other people.
I would read your post back to yourself and imagine it was your boyfriend's post about another girl. That should give you some insight into his part in all of this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2006): The word "affair" is bad. Enough said.
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A
female
reader, aunty butterfly +, writes (20 June 2006):
 OH DEAR!
I totally agree with bonym,and i feel that you do not have what i would regard as any staying power until you realise exactly how you sound to yourself and others around you,i am a stranger to you,yet i feel that you can't be trusted with your feelings right now,so i would say to you that you need to make some proper decisions in your life,and hopefully make the right choice...do you think you could live with the guilt too? you will of course,have ruined your relationship,if you take a ride on the stallion,you might find that you could fall off....
good luck girl
Aunty B xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2006): Firstly, break off the engagement, as you clearly arent mature enough for such a commitment. Secondly, if your relationship with your boyfriend is sooooo perfect, why would you want to cheat. Your poor guy is probably pooring his heart and soul into the relationship, and there you are asking strangers permission to sleep with some Italian guy. I'm glad my girlfriend ain't you, thats all I can say.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2006): Stop the engagement. It's plainly obvious if you are considering a 'short term' affair, you are not mature enough, nor committed enough to be having a relationship with your fiancee. Dear, you know full well that an affair with this italian guy, will cause more pain than virtually any aspect of our relationships because of the feelings of betrayal around what is the most intimate part of your relationship, with your fiancee.. It appears you want to stray because you are finding a lack of excitement in your relationship with your bf. So these excited feelings you crave, are just about 'you' and what 'you' want. Kind of selfish, don't you think? If you want to mess around, then don't take your bf's 'life' down with you. Affairs are often a cry for love and if you can find the courage to re-connect with your fiancee, you both can find that renewal and re-committment. Or..if you insist on having this affair, then save your bf the indignity of your infidelity by allowing yourself to go through a process of letting go before you can move on and successfully bring a new partner into your life. In other words, hun...do the hard work of either saying goodbye to your italian friend or breaking up with your bf and carry on in any way, you want.
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (20 June 2006):
 "..............I love him to bits and we have been engaged for ages now, and everything's just perfect"
"...............I did think of having a short term affair, but is that a good/bad idea?"
ARE YOU CRAZY?
Why do you need to ask if having an affair is good or bad? My dear, you said that everthing is just perfect. This is one definition of perfect:
"Being complete of its kind and without defect or blemish"
If your relationship is perfect as you say, why are you even considering an affair? It just sounds to me that you are in lust with this Italian guy. I mean, why have you mentioned that he is Italian? It just sounds that you want to have a fling with a hot, Mediterranean guy and my dear if you have a good bloke, why are you thinking of cheating.
Dont do it. Why change a winning formula. You will only regret it. xXx
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