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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years, but for the last six months I've been torturing myself over whether he's having an affair. Deep down I actually really don't think he's the type, or has the time, to have an affair, but since one night last year when he went away for the night on business and (uncharacteristically) turned his phone off the whole time, I've been suspecting him for every little thing. I'm sure I'm finding 'evidence' where there is none, but I can't seem to stop the horrible, suspicious thoughts. Broaching the subject with him would be as good as ending the relationship, because he'd never forgive me for such an accusation if I'm wrong, so how can I stop driving myself crazy without actually talking to him about it?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006): I'm the person who originally wrote this post and I'm writing in response to the very kind answers I've had so far. Thanks so much for your advice. I can definitely sympathise with the last post - I haven't found anything concrete like condoms myself, but if I did I would definitely finish it because I am on the Pill. Does this apply to you too?
It's such a difficult situation, because your happy side wants to tell you to ignore things and let it be in case you're wrong. Those answers telling me to talk to my boyfriend about it are extremely sensible, but I know for an absolute fact that, despite how long we've been together, we'd fall apart if I told him how I felt and I were wrong. I doubted his love for me once in the past and we've never recovered from my mistrust. Things have never been the same since, and I'm too afraid I'm wrong to make same 'mistake' again.
A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (21 June 2006):
 I am going through a similar dilemma myself. My boyfriend is the best thing that has ever happened to me, in every way but this.
However, he had a condom in a washbag which he only ever uses for his business overnight trips to London. He dismissed it as an old one which he now has no use for, but recently returned from a lads' holiday with a stash of different ones, all presumably from vending machines. He also had one in his bedside drawer, and in the wallet which he uses when on holiday... too much co-incidence, but how, after only eight months together, do I broach this with him without him getting angry about me looking through his private things?? It's a tricky one, isn't it??
I also found an adult contact mag. which he used to subscribe to, but doesn't anymore - there is a letter inviting him to renew), so I am hoping it's a step in the right direction! Good luck anyway...
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A
female
reader, Hot (Advice) +, writes (21 June 2006):
 I agree with Dr Pete. Honey, if you have been in the relationship as long as you have, you should be able to voice your concerns. I appreciate it is a bit of a delicate issue, if he has anything to hide he will be uncomfortable about talking about such things. Has your trust been broken in any previous relationships? Does your boyfriend compliment/appreciate you enough? Maybe just start by saying to him the concerns you have, maybe mention any times where your trust has been broken in the past and that your afraid because of the depth of your feelings that your trust could be broken wih him. Don't accuse him of anything, just say that you do have an issue, and together you hope to work through it. Honey, I wish you all the best, feel positive, I'm sure you will feel so much better when it's out in the open. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006): There's a difference between accusing someone and asking them and explaining your feelings.
You really need to communicate with your partner about this. You've spent two years of your life with him, shouldn't you be able to talk about your fears and worries by now?
If what you say does turn out to be "as good as ending the relationship" it probably shows one thing: He is guilty.
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