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female
,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend of 9 months has recently lied to me, telling me a girl was not at his house when she was!! I want to get over him and let him go but I can't; it hurts so much! What can I do to ease the pain of been lied to by someone that I love with all my heart? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (21 June 2006):
 Did you ask why this girl was there ? Is it conceivable that it was just as freinds and he knew you would flip out so told a white lie so that you wouldnt feel bad ? Lying is never good, but he may have only did he so as not to hurt you and make you cross. Yeah dumb thing to do but you need to ask yourself did you react the way he thought you would and that why he kept it from you. If it was innocent then maybe let him know that you understand a bit but would rather in future be told the truth no matter how you might take it.. If he was cheating then its unlikely that you will be able to trust him again and you may just have to move on... Hard yes, but if hes cheating now, he may well do it again.. but not knowing if he was cheating or not its hard to advise you on what way to go.
Take care x
A
female
reader, Chelesea16 +, writes (21 June 2006):
First off, i know how you feel..but i think your boy deserves a second chance..Guys will lie to get themselves out of situations that will make you mad at him..he might not have told you that a girl was over because he didnt want you to be mad at him..he made the common mistake most guys do..they lie to get themselves out of something and dont even realize it will be alot worse if you found out he was liying. He found out the hard way i guess:) but if u think he's worth it then i think he deserves a 2nd chance..but if he lies again, i wouldnt put up with it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006): You need to gain more self confidence, self respect, and self reassurance if you intend to cope with this situation.
Be positive, Be in control, Be motivated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2006): If you love him as much as you say,than give him another chance,If he does it again you might have to let go!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2006): Depending on what happened with this girl..you have two choices, dear. You can walk away forever or... you can forgive him. If you forgive him, he will have to work very hard at regaining your trust. Remember, it is human instinct to be cautious. You know him best and it's likely he's not a bad person, he lied because he feared your reaction at the truth. If this girl was simply visiting with him-have a little faith in the relationship you do love him and I think you want the relationship to work. If he 'lies' again after you forgive him than why be with him? Walk away. But if this was his first and only time that you are aware of, realize that everyone makes mistakes.It was wrong of him and he made a real big, boneheaded, bad judgement call. To regain trust in him, please learn to trust yourself and have faith in your your own decisions and choices. Self-trust comes from emotional awareness and genuine confidence in your ability to join with another person in an open-hearted and honest way that leads to healing. Take this negative incident and learn to communicate with him , your relationshiup values and boundries. It sounds like he needs reminding. Time is a great healer, and over time you may trust him fully, again. But it's possible that trust will never be with the same intensity as before. Things could be different from now on. You will be a bit wiser and you will be diligent in watching his behaviours for awhile. It could be a long, long process..so hunker down and get ready for a long haul. If you can't trust him again..then you'll know what to do.
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A
female
reader, AshyTay +, writes (20 June 2006):
 I'd reccommend getting rid of things like, letters, photographs, messages on your phone the lot. Anything that will run the risk of reminding you of him. Don't see him or speak to him and allow yourself only two weeks of 'tear time'.
Meet up with the girls and remember how good it felt to be single and not having a man around to tell you what to do.
Elenor Roosevelt once said "If they cheat on you once, it's their fault, if they cheat on you twice, it's your fault."
Do you want to give him the chance to make a mug of you again?
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