A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:need help from femalesAfter several years with the same man it appears the relationship is not going to move forward in any way.Id like to know if its is normal for a woman to date several guys at one time and how do I go about doing this.Also, should I tell my ex who I am still seeing (taking a break) that this is what I plan to do....or just end it with him?How can I end it with him in a way that wont be so hurtful?any suggestions....im desperate....My family and friends say that If I still love him I should try to work things out with him???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011): FYI
The guy I am taking a break from says he wants friends with bennies....he walked out on me. I had not quite made a decision as to whether I was willing to do this...I want an exclusive relationship that will lead to marriage. I have no intentions of having sex or starting a new relationship with any one as of yet. just coffee or lunch or something like that. I appreciated all of the advice, and to the guys that responded I agree that men can be territorial however, he wants a F***buddy not a wife so I cant see how or why I would have to tell him I was going for coffee or what not. I really did not specify in the question because I wanted a wide variety of responses. If he wanted me all to himself he should a put a ring on it! as far as ending things with the ex goes, we still have financial obligations with each other, & I do really enjoy his company and love him , but feel as if he is using me as a cushion.I have a good friend that told me she dated (not seriously ) 5 guys at the same time.I was just curious if other woman did this and how to go about doing it so I was not hurting men left and right. Thanks for all of the responses.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): It has always seemed to me that it is very easy to have "the agreement" to not be exclusive, but the second it is found out that the other is with another partner, the relationship changes...sometimes for the worse, sometimes not much. But it is rarely accepted fully...there is always some territoriality, jealousy or mild feelings of dissapointment or betrayal. We all want to be special to whom we are with, and the second you know you arent't the only one, it is a bit of an ego mind-f*ck. This is coming from a guy though, so I'm sure it is different for women.
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A
male
reader, starguy +, writes (24 August 2011):
I would not advise it, men can become extremely territorial, possessive, and jealous. If you did such a thing, even though your connection with him has waned, he may feel betrayed and as if you backstabbed him behind his back. Men are far more sensitive and ready to label a decision 'against them' as treachery. And if he finds out, there may be plenty of rather nasty name calling, which is not a place you really want to go.
You're best bet is to break it off before you start anything new (unless both you and he are polygamous, which I assume is not the case). It will cause you a lot of trouble covering your tracks and making up lies to do so, and its not worth all the headaches involved. If you are looking somewhere else, then your relationships with him is not enough to satisfy your needs.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 August 2011):
 yes you can but you must be honest and you must be safe... so if you sleep with them you need to use condoms and birth control and you need to be honest with them about it...
as for the current bf, you should tell him you want to see others and he should do the same.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): Yeah, there's nothing wrong in dating a few people at once. If anything it's better to do this, there's more of a chance of you finding someone special if there's a variety of people.
If you are going to do this though and you really do think you and your ex aren't going anywhere, then I would call it quits with your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (23 August 2011):
 If you know the relationship is not going anywhere it is a lot like making an investment with no return.
Sit down with the man and tell him with no ultimatums what you want from the relationship and you do not feel that can be with him. Let him know that because that is what you want, you will be dating others.
That is all you need to say.
Be open and honest with all the people you date that you are going to date more than one person-unless there is an exclusive relationship. Let others know where you stand.
There is a great website called datingwithoutdrama.com that gives advice and encourages dating mutliple people.
I am personally ok with dating more than one person at a time, but I only have sex in a relationship. Since I want a monagamous, long term relationship, that choice weeds out the guys just looking for JUST a sexual partner.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 Yeah, sure you can, just don't call it dates. Call it "meeting up for coffee", just as you would if you were meeting up with friends. That way no one is any wiser and you get to meet plenty of guys without offending anyone. Just don't get serious with anyone, as soon as you're somewhat serious with anyone it'd be wrong to "date" anyone else.
But yes, casually meeting someone for coffee, or lunch, and getting to know new people, isn't serious, and can be done with several at the same time. There's no rule saying you aren't allowed to meet several new people at the same time.
But then again, what do you mean by "dating", do you mean starting a relationship with several at the same time? The moment you hold hands/kiss/get intimate with one person, you must not lead anyone else on. That's the only rule.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (23 August 2011):
 I agree that you need to be honest with your ex and let him know you'll be dating other men. You should let the other guys know you're not planning to be exclusive with them, as well.
It's fine to "play the field". Just don't get sexually involved with any of them unless and until you get to know one man enough that you and he prefer each other's company to that of other men (in his case, other women). Even then don't rush into anything.......
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 I think that it is perfectly reasonable to date multiple people at the same time. The biggest thing is that they all have to know that those are just dates and that it is not an exclusive thing. Maybe seeing other people will help you appreciate what you have with him or show you what else there is in the world.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): i would end all ties with your ex if this is the way you feel, and no its not right in my eyes to date more than one man when you have stis out there waht if you got pregnant is it fair on the child to have what could be out of 7 fathers, its sounds to me like your being greedy and think of the hurt you could cause these man if you did go ahead seriously reconsider
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 just be honest with all the men you get involved with, and accept that it is fair that they will date other women to and not just be exclusive to you. as for your ex who you want to break up with but you don't want to hurt, i think you should be honest with him too, which may hurt him but at least he will know your true reasons for the break up instead of leaving him doubting himself
x
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (23 August 2011):
 You can do what you like as long as (a) it's not against the law and (b) your actions won't hurt anyone else. If you dating other men is going to hurt your ex and you really CAN'T resolve your issues, then you should end things properly before dating other men.
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