A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Really upset, i thought id found the man of my dreams now ive discovered him on fu##book and various other dating sites which were logged onto 2 weeks ago, the thing is we have been here before and he told me they were old sites which he couldn't log out of due to an old email account which is no longer active. Anyway sunday night he let me on his laptop and i typed in f for facebook and a profile dating site came up which was for adult friend finder and f##kbook he was sitting next to me and i was livid as you can imagine, he swore blind that he wasn't on them and he keeps getting emails from an old account to his new one and when he clicks them he ends up on the site i bit my tongue and gave him the benefit of the doubt, today i checked the same site again and it was the same info on it as before so i said to him he had better delete it and he said he would try, anyways i heard him on his laptop and a lil while later i retyped the details it came up on the same profile as logged in today but his age and location were changed, i asked him had he logged on yet to change it and he said no so i said that i had just checked it and all the details were changed he said he hadnt been on it yet and he knows i dont believe him... I dunno what to do, i asked to see his emails for reasurrance and he refused saying he has nothing to hide and its an invasion of privacy im so upset do i believe him and keep searching for clues like a paranoid looney or believe his word and risk getting hurt, Help :(
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): I wonder what he'll come up with next time you catch him...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): All emails have been checked and now i know exactly what he ment thank god we cleared up all him spam and filters and blocked the ip addresses we looked it up and it does happen it was junk mail from a previous email account and everytime he clicked a link it said logged on he is waiting to see if he gets another email from them but hopefully this has done the trick if not he is going to show me the email himself, anyways i do believe him because this is in no way in his character and if he were hiding something why would he let me go on his laptop without him deleting his history?? He has never ever given me any reason to doubt him before so im gonna trust him on this, ive been hurt in the past so seen this a serious red flag but now i can honestly see what hes talking about :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): One of the annoying things about liars is that they have an uncanny ability to confound and confuse and make you doubt yourself! Don't fall for it. He is definitely up to no good. If he wasn't he would be more than happy to show you his email account. Either make a fake account and catch him out online by chatting to him as someone else or install a key logger on the laptop. I don't normally agree with doing things like that. But if he is hooking up with other women for sex. As his partner, you have a right to know because he is risking your health. I would strongly advise you to go to a sexual health clinic and have a check up. Even if you used condoms with him it is still possible to contract certain things. So do go. I'm sorry you find yourself in this unhappy position.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): ok so we talked last night and he went trough several sites showing people that were complaining that their profile has been copied onto other sites and they cant get out of them even thou they are no longer on dating sites he got really upset and said that he will cancel his email account for me but first he wants to wait until he gets another email from that site just to show me what happens he was upset that i didnt believe him but said he can understand how bad it looks, i really hope this can be resolved because hes with me almost everynight so i cant see where hes getting the time to do this
...............................
A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 He is absolutely lying. Anyone who tries to keep their phone or email from you when you are in a serious relationship under the guise of "invasion of privacy" is hiding something. So that would be a red flag in itself. However, you already know he is on the site. I've been down this road... Run from him and fast. This is not the only thing he will keep from you and lie to you about. The trust is now broken and all hell breaks loose on your confidence and you no longer believe a damn thing he will say. F*ckbook and adult friend finder are sex dating sites. Why the hell would he be on them unless he was looking for someone else? Don't believe the excuse that it's old, or the one of the ones I heard- I just wanted to look at the pictures. You tend to believe them at first for the benefit of the doubt, but you start to see the little things (like hiding the email) and it gives you a really crappy feeling inside. I still don't believe there is anything worse than the feeling like you were lied to and betrayed. Then you say you want to break up. He promises he won't do it again, begs to stay together, says you can have all his info so you know what he's doing. So then you start to monitor his email, now you can tell yourself it's ok because he isn't doing it anymore, you check everything so you would know if he was. Well guess what? You are now so paranoid and lacking trust that you check his emails... It isn't a relationship. At the end of my relationship I didn't trust him to carry his own bank card on himself. He had no access to the internet in any capacity. I was his damn mom. And finally I left. Don't get to that point. The trust is gone already and he is a piece of shit for looking for other sexual partners, and especially for lying to you. Please get out before you waste a year of your life and lose something in yourself you can never get back.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 August 2011):
 trust your gut. he's lying. ONE of the things that killed my last marriage was lack of trust. he was a liar. about stupid stuff but I could never trust him for anything....
trust is critical.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): He's a liar and you caught him. What you do with the information is up to you.
Best of luck to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (23 August 2011):
 People who have nothing to hide...hide nothing.
Of course you are invading his privacy if he has something he does not want you to see. Unless he is in government or some highly sensitive business deals that would compromise others private information, he is dismissing your feelings and the solidarity of the relationship.
You are not being paranoid. You talked to him about behaviors that upset you and make you question his integrity.
Since he will not change his ways, change your location in his life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (23 August 2011):
 A paranoid looney you are not.
You have good reason not to trust him.
Now it's up to you what you do with "the man of my dreams."
...............................
A
female
reader, KathrynM  +, writes (23 August 2011):
After all of that it sounds like it is definately time to give him an ultimatum, he has to prove that it isn't him on those sites or you two are over, if he really wants to be with you he will really try if he tells you that you don't trust him, tell him that you have no reason to trust him when he is trying to avoid letting you know the truth. i know it is difficult when you think you have found the perfect guy, but if he's really that perfect why is he making you so suspicious. xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (23 August 2011):
 There's a reason for your paranoia. Don't ignore it.
...............................
|
