A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Let's skip the safe sex talk cause, yeah I know better but anyway...I've had a friends with benefits relationship with this guy for the past 5 months. He's overall a decent and respectful guy and we used to see each other at least once a week when we were home in the same town and a couple times a month when we were at different universities.Basically, for the first 3/4 months we'd use a condom most of the time, but not always and we did have an agreement that if we were to sleep with someone else we would let the other person know (Which he admitted he did ONCE at the very beginning). Recently, he's been really diligent about condom usage and ALWAYS uses one. It's not a problem, just that it makes be wonder whether he suddenly got really serious about preventing pregnancy (cause he knows I'm not on the pill) or he slept/is sleeping with someone else and not telling me.So the question is, is it ok/normal for me to ask WHY he's suddenly become consistent with the condoms or is it "out of bounds" for a friends with benefits to ask that ...?
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condom, friend with benefits, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Share Bear  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 To my mind, being 'friends with benefits' with someone should give you the comfort and freedom to be able to ask exactly where you stand, without fear of less than romantic truths!
However, do be careful not to appear accusatory, or to give any impression that you are interested in becoming exclusive if this isn't what either of you want. But I think it'd bug me not to be able to clear something as important as this up as soon as it had occurred to me- mainly so as not to build it up into an issue that isn't there. Just subtly ask him if one of his friends has had a pregnancy scare to all of a sudden make him- impressively! -more conscientious about using protection. See where the conversation goes. If he closes up about it, it might tell you as much as you need to walk away.
A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love  +, writes (29 December 2009):
I disagree with caring guy. Agree with the first one. The state of your relationship has nothing to do with your curiosities. You have a right to know about the past and current sexual history of anyone you are sleeping with. I would casually bring it up. What caring guy didn't understand I think is that the use of a condom doesn't bother you it just makes you wonder if he is now sleeping with someone else which again is your business.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): It does seem that hes had a scare somewhere down the line, it might not be another girl though.
He could have watched a friend of his get an std or even pregnant and simply doesnt want you both to have a hard time.
I do think you should definately talk to him about it though as since he is sleeping with you you are at risk for whatever he does.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): I dont think you can ask as theres no relationship with him. It could be hes with someone and having unprotected sex with them, so hes being more careful with you now. He wont want to get you pregnant and if hes not sure how exclusive you are, he could be doing it to protect himself and a partner. Either way its not really your place to ask as you are only a FWB.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): If you are only a FWB and no more, the fact that you arent using any contraception would be a good reeason for him to use condoms with you. As you arent in a relationship with him he may not want an unwanted child with you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): maybe he has become wiser and more prudent and doesn't want to get you pregnent.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 December 2009):
It could be either. Maybe he's worried, or maybe he has slept with someone else. But I would say don't ask. You are only a friend's with benefits, not his girlfriend. So I'm afraid you kind of have to accept it.
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