A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been sleeping with a guy whos one of my friends, its been going on for a few months now, most weekends that we go out together he ends up at my house. At first i was ok about it, because i had just come out of a long relationship and it was nice to have someone there and i get on with him well. Now i think i like him a lot more than friends, as i heard he kissed someone else the other night when he was out and i was really hurt about it. My friend thinks he must like me as he keeps coming bakc to me. I know if i had a 1 night stand with a guy and i didn't like him, i wouldn't keep going bakc to him, cos i couldn't just od that for sex.but can guys do that, can they just sleep with you and not care at all for you?? now our friendship is getting affected as now we won't talk as friends as much in the week and then i just see him on the weekend and we sleep together.I miss him loads as a good friend, and think i would rather go back to being good friends, or go out with him and have a relationship.He doesn't want a relationship...thats why i think he cant like me at all Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, x.Helpful.Cupid.x  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Hiya.
Im very intruiged by your letter. I think this is fine, as this guy is a close friend to you so you know you trust him and feelings wont get hurt as easily. But be careful, as he could (not saying he is) be using you. If he dosent want a relationship, and you do get hurt if he is with other people, maybe you should end it as you could develop feelings for him, and then if he ends the sex, you could get upset.
Good luck, and remember, girl power!
xx
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Unfortunately most guys can be in a sexual relationship without wanting anything more, just like some girls can but it's generally guys who fare better in this type of relationship. If you're getting attached you need to speak to him about it and if he sees you only for sex you need to break up with him before you get in too deep. Hope this helps.
CD
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 YES
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): not all guys can switch off their emotions but unfortunantly the minority give the rest of us a bad name by sleeping around and hurting women such as yourself.
fuck buddies are a convenience and a good idea if your both single as theyre safer than one nighters.
dont judge him if you havent spoken to him about it, he may of kissed the other girl because he didnt think you wanted a relationship and he does. if he acts like a jerk when your tlk to him HONESTLY about your feelings for him, then chuck him as far as you can.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): Hi Ponungalungb is exactly right. Unfortunately that is how some guys are. Not all. You don't deserve to be treat like this. Just keep him at arms length and get a bloke who is just for you.
Take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): OK , It depends on the persons beliefs and feelings on the subject. I personally dont think there is anything wrong with having a close friend that you sleep with when you feel like it (commonly known as a f**k buddy), as long as you are both single and use contraception. I mean its a lot better than having one night stands, but having said that some of the other agony aunts may not agree with me, and think that you might be seen as "slutty" or "easy". But as long as your happy doing it then wheres the harm?.
Ok and to answer your second question, yes men and women can sleep with someone without falling in love or having feelings for them. Your friend could just be physically attratcted to you.
So I think the best thing to do is tell your friend how you feel about him, and if hes not interested in a relationship then see if you can just stay freinds. But be warned its not always easy to cut out the sex when its been available on tap for a while. So just tell him how you feel and see where it goes.
But it does sound to me as if he thinks that you are just F**k buddies so dont get your hopes to high.
Sorry if I have been a bit frank but you asked for advice and I believe that honest frank advice is sometimes the best sort of advice to give.
So I hope everything works out for you whatever happens.
XX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): i've been in that exact same situation. and i'm sorry to say that when its all over and the dust has settled you'll look back on this and realise he was just using you for sex and because he knew he could get it any time he wanted just by calling you. you should stop it now and make him respect you because soon he'll get a new girlfriend and you'll just feel hurt so get out before you really fall for him.
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Hi Anon, Yes guys can sleep with woman without being emotionally attached but obviously this depends on the guy. If he has comes to terms with thinking like a man and not like a male then he would not do it! Off course people do have casual sex as we do have needs but going back to the same person without any commitment seems like a convenience thing to me. He's getting his cake and eating it so why change. You hold the cards here... tell him how you feel. Stop having sex with him, if he does not commit, move on. Hopefully you can be friends with him again but it might take some time. Maybe he'll wake up when you tell him and you can start the relationship you seem to want. Don't let him use you it's not good for your self esteem. Good luck and take care.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Sorry to be blunt, but you are a convenience. And yes, guys can sleep with women and not be emotionally attached.
If I were you, I'd tell him that you can remain friends but that's it. No fringe benefits. Find someone that appreciates you for you.
Don't settle for less.
Good luck!
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