A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I split 14 months ago, his choice not mine. I still love him so much and even though he has made it quite clear he is happier without me I cannot let him go and still spend my days thinking about him, who he is with and what I can do to get him back. As awful as it seems I think I could cope better if he died. Can anyone help or is it just a question of time. I feel I am just existing and going through the motions of living.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (10 March 2008):
 You can either keep looking back or start to look ahead. Decide now what you could be doing in May, July, October and December.
A
female
reader, Arcada +, writes (9 March 2008):
I am also going through a break-up and needed anti-depressants like the anonymous aunt. I have been taking them for 2 months now and they have definately helped. Also I can recommend the book by Paul Mckenna, I can mend your broken heart.
You need to grieve and cry, rent a sad movie if you need to, once you start you won't be able to stop, it really helps. Cry when you need to cry!
I can also understand when you said it would be better if he had died, this is a known fact.
Please dont beg him or pester him, this will push him further away. Give him some space. I hope it all works out for you.
Message me anytime!
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008): Hi there,I am going through exactly the same thing and it is about 14 months since my husband and I split. I think about what he is up to all the time too and wonder who he is with etc, who he's having fun with and sharing things with etc. It is driving me insane. I am interested in your comment about the fact that you wish he had died as it would be easier and I feel that too. I have found that nothing really helps and at night when I am not busy I go into this massive loop and it goes round and round in my head. The only thing that has helped me is that I went to the doctors and got some anti depressants and this has helped as it has made me feel more positive about everything. Although this is difficult for me to say I know it is not the end of the world and that things will improve. I look back on myself 6 months ago and I would be ringing at 4am and leaving messages on his voicemail and things like that - now I hardy ever call. I wanted my husand back so much that I changed everything about myself but still it did not work. He just lauged at me and played me with no intention of ever returning. In hindsight I would have left him alone and stopped looking desperate and needy and just given it some time. I wish I had come across as an in control dignified woman but I didn't - I came across as fearful and pathetic and this pushed him further away.I hope he comes back to you and all I can say is if you want him back just always be pleasant, totally non controlling in anyway- never suggest doing anything leave the onus to him. Make yourself attractive physically and come across as strong and independent. Do not call him if you can help it and do not text all the time.I realise that I would have stood more of a chance if I had behaved like that but I didn't, I was needy, desperate and pathetic and from my recent experience I know this does not work.Be friendly, dignified and keep your decorum at all times. Fingers x for you , I hope he comes backAll the best,
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (9 March 2008):
 Sweetheart the thing is you never ended it and by the sounds of things he never truly gave you an explanation as to why.
You say he is your ex-husband so I presume you are divorced? Did things come out during the divorce so you had something to go on as to why the relationship had broken down?
How long were you together?
When we become dependent on another person it is very hard to let go so I do understand.
I was with my ex for 19 and a half years and we originally split up in June 2005 but as we have a business together I continued to see him daily and so did our daughter who is now 7. He then moved back into the family home last February and 9 days before my dad died. He was here for me and my daughter at the time but the last year has been filled with lots of tension and arguments.
We were never destined to get back together as it was merely a living arrangement. Well he again moved out last Thursday and will now only see our daughter on alternate weekends but I am in touch with him via email, text and he phoned our daughter after 1 week as he didn't want to upset her as he won't see her till next weekend. He has moved 2 hours away and it is strange but also good as well as the arguments have stopped but it is seeing my daughter upset that makes me think.
I couldn't go back with him but it is hard to let go as he has been under the same roof as me.
The thing is we did both go through counselling during our time of trying to see if there was anything left for us and I encouraged him to do this for the sake of our daughter.
Have you ever had any counselling at all since your break-up? As personally I feel that this does help and it allows you to move forward. I have chosen right now to not be avidly looking for someone new as I am still trying to rediscover me and I don't just want anyone and especially around my daughter.
Do you have any hobbies or interests at all?
Do you want to have someone special in your life?
Time is really the essence but making yourself positive about your life is also the key.
I am here for you anytime OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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