A
male
age
41-50,
*oolishsage
writes:Back story: Was in a marriage for 7 yrs and it ended a little over two years ago. Neither one of us was getting what we needed and we were each cheating (yeah, I suck). I fell hard for a co-worker and things didn't end up working out (I got dumped). So, ended up playing the field for all of like 2 months when this other girl that I had been on a couple dates with started liking me a lot and I thought I'd give it a go at a relationship. She ended up falling for me in a very big way and we've been together now for over a year...Dilemma: While I still think that my current girlfriend is great and sweet and she is ridiculously in love with me, I just don't feel it any more and I think that I just need to be alone for a while - I don't think I want a relationship and I don't feel like chasing skirts either. I just think I want to be alone for a while (by choice). I feel like I should break up with her, but I don't want to lose her if this is just some dumb phase. Anyone have any insights here?
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 January 2011):
 Glad to help. I don't envy the position you're in, but as someone who made the mistake of staying in a relationship like this for far too long, I can tell you from experience that waiting doesn't work. My feelings never improved, and I gave it 3 years. Best of luck.
A
male
reader, foolishsage +, writes (4 January 2011):
foolishsage is verified as being by the original poster of the question And thank you as well, windbreeze - I was on the rebound for sure. I agree with both you and dirtball for sure - thank you both for the input.
I know what I need to do- you guys have both echoed what I already knew deep down and was running from. I just need to man up and do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): yeah...pretty much...just tell her the truth...it's not you are leaving her for someone else right? or you think there is someone better right? you just want to be left alone...believe me, I totally understand how you feel...I was like this for years (wish I could be this way now...lol...lol).
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A
male
reader, foolishsage +, writes (4 January 2011):
foolishsage is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks db - that's pretty much what I'm thinking, but needed a third party sounding board. I totally agree - just sucks pulling the trigger...
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A
female
reader, Windbreeze62 +, writes (4 January 2011):
 Even though she's a great girl. She's not enough to stop you from wanting to be alone. It's hurtful to tell someone that you want to be alone but you like being with them. It would be wise to break it off. It appears that you was on the rebound. A year is enough time to know that you really want to be alone.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 January 2011):
I tend to think it's not just a dumb phase as you put it. Even if it is a phase, it may be necessary for you. The fact is that you're not really feeling the relationship anymore. One sided relationships are extremely unfair, and even if you're not showing it with your actions this moment, you will be soon enough.
I think you should talk to her about it. She deserves to know. Tell her what you're feeling about both being single and not wanting to hurt her and feeling very conflicted over the whole thing. It's best if she hears the truth from you as you're feeling it rather than as some half assed explanation later on.
Ultimately if things continue as they are, you're going to hurt her and take time away from her. You would minimize damage by breaking things off now. Hurt her badly now, or worse later. Your choice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): If your heart is not in it you would do both of you a big favor by breaking it off. If the spark remains you can rekindle it. If she runs wild and starts screwing around you might be glad she shows youwhat she is really made of.
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