A
male
age
30-35,
*eaceboy
writes:So, I am 20 and gay and my best friend is 21 and straight. We started chillin in high school and never thought much of it but we spent almost every day together and as a result we have fallen in love with eachother. At first I thought I just had a gay crush on him, but then he had told me that he had some very strong feelings for me as well. We cuddle sometimes and he says he doesnt mind that and I have sucked his dick before but he said it was just to make sure he isnt gay. He tells me he wishes he was gay so he could be with me but he is just very much attracted to women. He has also fooled around with a fair amount of other boys as a child but started being more attracted to women as puberty came along. He no longer fools around with men. We now live far apart from eachother but still stay very close. He recently broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years, whom he had sex with often, and is now playing with the idea of us having a relationship or having me move in with him... but neither of us can realistically see a way of making it work because I would be sexually attracted to him and he would be more into girls. We mentioned an open relationship, but I still am very attracted to him and want to have sex with him. He also said that he would almost be willing to go through the motions of me giving him hand jobs or a BJ every now and then to fufill it but it would be awkward for him and he says he would also feel guilty for me not getting off. And the worse thing is that I could see myself being in an open-relationship with him where we have our sexual boundries.. but I think I would need the right to be able to touch him as I please and not feel bad about it. He is worried that he is just having these thoughts because he loves our intimacy and comfortness so much.. but I cant help but think and hope that he is just confused about himself. These arent high school crushes, we are in love with eachother... Should I throw all my eggs in one basket and try to pursue us or should I work towards tearing us apart.
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, crush, hand-job Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chocogirl  +, writes (25 October 2011):
it sounds like he could be bi. obviously the way he feels about women is different from the way he feels about men, but i'm bi and it's the same way for me. you two sound like you could be cute together, but only if he lets you into his life romantically, not just sexually. good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011): AvgGuy speaks the truth (as ever) but I DO see plenty of hope here. As Sammi points out 'he is just a bit scared to come out of the closet a he is worried about what people may think'.
Basically you're fully sure of your sexual identity and this guy isn't yet, he's still trying to work it out, he is attracted to girls and he's entitled to be. This doesn't mean there's no hope for you to be lovers, it sounds like a very intense friendship and you've already fooled around and enjoyed it.
It can be really painful and hurtful to fall in love with straight men, but on the other hand, I've known LOTS of so-called, self-professed 'straight' men whose sexuality turns out to be quite flexible when you put it to the test. Without being too nosey, I'm curious about how it went when you sucked him. Did he resist at all or go with the flow? Did he get hard for you, or did he come? If he was hard then he's lying if he says he has no gay feelings. A truly straight man wouldn't do that 'just to make sure he isnt gay'. It sounds to me like he's potentially very gay but still struggling internally with the idea that he might be, I'm sure you can remember a time when you were traumatised by the idea before you learned to accept it.
I think if you can handle the prospect of an 'open relationship' and be aware of the hurt and jealousy it can bring but feel that the sexual benefits are worth it, you should do it, and try not to think about what happens when he goes off with girls. Definitely since you're getting mixed-to-favourable signals about whether he fancies you, I think it's worth you going for it again: don't sit around and discuss it, just do it, choose your moment carefully and hop his bones, give him the best bj he's ever had and see if he's more comfortable with gay sex the second time around. It's worth a try, and if it all goes well maybe you can be full-time gay lovers, and if it doesn't work out that way at least you can know you tried your best and gave it everything you had.
I wish you every success. Take care
...............................
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (28 July 2011):
 Missy_Musk pretty much nailed it. Your friend is PROBABLY bisexual and until he's fully comfortable with full physical contact then it's really not fair to you... at all. You'll feel USED if you move in and things go fine for a while, and you develop even stronger feelings... and then he gets a girlfriend and stops 'being' with you.
I would say... that if he wants to come over to your place... or vice versa... on an occasional basis for some NSA type fun and you are comfortable with limited physical contact with him then continue on with that.
I wouldn't move in with him, at this point, it could totally ruin your relationship in the long run.
...............................
A
female
reader, missy_musk +, writes (28 July 2011):
 babe i think he is definatly bisexual, he just has stronger feelings for women then he does men. he probably has been struggling with these feelings but its not fair to allow you to do sexual favours for him when he wont for you. i know its hard and in the current situation im in i have no right to say this but you need to try to sexually move on from him and find a new love. if you do both get together and it fall apart and does not work, you may well end up losing eachothers friendship forever. however, if you agree to just be very close friends (and there is nothing wrong with that!) then no matter what happens, you will allways have each others friendship! xx
...............................
|
