A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice about 'settling down' Okay so I'm 25 and my whole life pretty much ive been single. This is because I live in a fantasy world. I believe in a romance with a guy I'm attracted to and wana share my most intimate life stories with. I've had a million crushes on guys but none of them have liked me back. I chase a fantasy with each one of these guys and the more i crave it the further away they drift away. You know how sometimes people say you look everywhere but theres someone great standing right in front of you? Well my friends brother and i have been talking more now. I always just saw him as the big brother but Im starting to realize that he might like me. I feel like he would take care of me, hes a guy that likes me knowing all my flaws, i feel comfortable talking to him and we've got the same core values. He's really laid back and cool and that's wat I love about him. He's sweet, genuine, and really smart. My family loves him and his family likes me. Theres just one problem....there's no spark. I am not attracted to him at all. Why can't I be with someone who DOES gives me butterflies and makes me wana kiss him AND loves and takes care of me? Everyone now is telling me to take it steady and just keep hanging out with him and that maybe I will feel a spark later. but w/all the crushes ive had, its an instant thing or Ill think about it for a couple days and say YES im so into this guy. But with him, I feel like im forcing myself to like him. To really settle down and be with someone whose so great i feel i need to just let go of this 'fantasy' in my head and be more intimate with him...maybe there WILL be a spark. Am I forcing this to settle or is this how true love happens? Why can't a guy I like, like me back? Am i liking these guys b/c they aren't a challenge or am i just attracted to the wrong people? Am I supposed to be attracted to this guy because he can take care of me and love me unconditionallly? Im trying to imagine us together and it's hard. What should I do?
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (31 July 2011):
 this is a shame and it happens a lot! that butterflies feeling you are looking for, does wear off when you have been with the guy for some time but in its place real love has (or hopefully) will have grown. why aren't you attracted to this nice man? do you prefer the 'bad boy' type?
as he sounds such a great guy, i would say give him a chance. go on a date and get intimate with him, some of the sexiest men i have been with have been the unattractive looking ones, the chemistry can take you by surprise when you kiss them (in my opinion anyway!)
don't lead him on and promise him anything though until you are sure about him coz if you disappoint and hurt him you will lose him as a friend
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