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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Is it possible to be a good person who loves a man with all her heart to become a nasty cheat after a lot of hurt, but is it possible for the same person to be loving and faithful to the same man when they both realize they messed up? I know what society thinks about cheating, what I'm trying to say is, can a normally good and genuine person become a cheat or am I just not worth it cuz it's eating me up, I just can't explain what I was thinking or what happend to me. I want to make a new start. xxx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): Honey, you messed up and have seen the error of your ways,I cheated 1 year ago now on my husband,I have only now really forgiven myself for messing up his and my life,I was sweet talked and the way I see it now almost persauded by the other man into an affair, he chased me night and day and I was silly enough to believe all his stories of being lonely and having a bad marriage.I made the massive mistake of listening to another man, getting friendly and then taking pity, all the time as I found out later he was working on me.He treated me badly after he had used me for sex, and I was left in one hella mess. I confessed everything to my husband as the guilt of living with such a massive lie had ruined my life, I had changed for the worse, this affair that I had been coersded into had left me feeling dirty and so bad about myself,this man had persauded me not only to sleep with him he then got me to do things that I had never done in my life, at the time he made me feel so important in his life that I could do anything and was so sexy and special.After he had changed me into something else he got bored and stop all contact, I contacted him so many times but he ignored me as though he had never even known me.I have told my husband as I could not live with the guilt of lie'ing to him after been lied to so badly myself, I could not treat him my husband like this other man had treated me,it broke my husband,he wanted all the facts of the affair right down to time places and what happened.I told him everything as I could not live another day with more lies, skeletons in the closet, he could not beleive the way I had acted and the things the man had made me do and allowed to be done to me.It had taken so much of my life and his but after bit by bit I told him everything,at first I only confessed to certain things and held back, but then relised that try'ing to keep it from him was making it worse,we spent time try'ing to salvage our marriage, but the secrets I had in my head were always a problem,after about 9 months, I decided to finally for my sanity tell him the rest and not deny some off the missing bits, finally the whole thing blew up, we argued, he went mad, left for a couple of days but stayed in small contact,I knew I had lost the only person that I could ever love for the rest of my life and all down to lies and insanity. After about a week we sat down and told each other everything that we felt how it made is feel and the whole truth about our lives and marriage.He moved back home and from that day onwards I have never looked back. I have a wonderfull loving husband, our sex life is fantastic, I have changed for the better and make sure he is never in a position to want to go else where,I enjoy every moment with him because I let go and allowed myself to wipe the slate clean, he loves me all over again and says I am everything he ever wanted in a woman,I do things with him now that I could never imagined being into and I am free to love and be loved.Our marriage is rock solid.The reason I am telling you my story is to let you know that because you cheated once, does make you wrong and makes you feel horrible for not only what you do to your husband but yourself, but if you get rid off the guilt and lies by confessing everything, it is that and that alone that allows you to clear the memories and get that fresh start you and anyone else needs to move on from the misery of an affair. I recommend you tell him everything and don't do what I did for a while and hold on to bits as it doesn't allow you totally clear your mind as no matter how big or how small the lie is, it is still a lie.It will shake your marriage one way or another but at the end you will know once and for all where you stand in your marriage, if like me you stay with your husband at least you will be able to start over in a honest relationship, and that is important to all of us to know we can trust everything about the person we choose to live our lives with.Next point yes I did cheat, but I will NEVER cheat on my husband in my life again, I keep other men at a distance now, especially if they try chatting away to me, I discourage them and any situation and walk away with pride in myself knowing that I am a good person, that feels so much better than living with lies or any affair that is on offer. I am confident again and relaxed within myself knowing that I made that fresh start free off lies and secrets.I hope your life turns out the same way, but what ever the consequenses and outcome is at least you will feel like you can start agian free from this affair you had. Good Luck and please keep us posted.
A
female
reader, DIE-romantic.  +, writes (18 February 2009):
 It is possible, it happens with alot of people, you're not the only one that has probably been here before darling. He has a right to know, so it's probably best to tell him, and if he leaves you, you love him enough to let him go, then you can make a fresh start. Just learn from you're experience for the future.
Hope my advise has helped :)
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): will it do any good to tell him xxxx
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (18 February 2009):
 Let he among you who have not sinned cast the first stone! Hon, if you love him with all your heart and you made a mistake, the first thing was to CONFESS! If you have done this, live your life taking it one day at the time. If he loves you, it's possible that he can fogive and forget.....the forgetting part is most often the hardest part.
Making amends for the cheating, you vow to NEVER DO AGAIN! Yes it's possible for GOOD PEOPLE to make mistakes, It'c called HUMAN NATURE. Everyone is subjuct to make mistakes. For some it's easier than others but YOU HAVE SHOWN YOU WANT TO CHANGE.Now it's up to you to JUST DO IT! You have got to be strong enough to fight the temptations that lead you astray.
GOD'S WILL IS STRONGER THAN YOURS! The guilt you are feeling now proves it! Now do what is right and then forgive yourself. Both you and your man need to work on this together. Pray for GOD IS in your corner!
Spend time focusing upon the reasons you did cheat and find a way to change your attitude about the stimilus that caused it. Show this guy you mean what you say and make yourself believe it! It's up to you and except for GOD, you are the only one with the Power of yourself to make the change that is necessary.
I Wish you the best, I had a cheating husband. It's wasn't easy to forget but I forgave quickly over and over again. It was something I had to practice daily. I too loved him with all my heart but he finally left to be with another woman. That was many years ago but the pain in my heart was left and it never truely went away. I have learned to cope and most of the time I even forget.......but like I said that can be the hardest part. (Yes He was a Good man ....with bad habits.) His excuse for what he did..He didn't think I loved him anymore. He was Cheating over and over....almost drove me crazy....hmmmmmmmm My heart has never been the same again. Forgive and Forget! Let it go and move on. I pray you can work this out.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (18 February 2009):
 I am a good and genuine person who became a cheat. I don't plan on doing it again; actually never planned this time, yet it happened. You are worth whatever it is you want and can be faithful and loving.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): I agree with JustMe, also take the time to read the story of Mae5 "My paramour used me for sex" its listed on September 18th Cheatind section, she was a good person and like JustMe was lied to and deceived so it happens, forgive yourself a little and make a fresh start with your husband and learn that life can be cruel, the main thing is to learn by our mistakes and make sure we NEVER repeat them. Men say and do anything to keep us on the hook. Like so many we find out the hard way that affairs are never worth the time and emmotion we put into them. Men are just happy to get what they can out off it and we end up emmotionally drained and the losers in the long run.Like JustMe and Mae5 say men end up turning out to have one lie after another to keep it going. Good luck with your marriage and your future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): thanks for taking the time to reply to my question and im ashamed of myself. maybe one day i will be on the recieving end and thats what scares me the most. what goes around hey xxx
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A
female
reader, Just me...  +, writes (18 February 2009):
I have been dating a married man for 2 years now. Its awful. I am ending it. He tries to tell me he is a genuine good person who has never been through this or even thought of doing this to his wife. He says he has never felt this madly in love with another person - but he is still with her... so all I have realised is that he must just be either messed up, or a big selfish liar.
What i am trying to say is - I believe you are a good and geniune person if you put it behind you RIGHT NOW, dont drag it on, and start fresh.
Everyone makes mistakes babe, but they end up eating you up inside and ruining your life (and others) if you let it go too far beyond repair.
Do the right thing by you and your man.
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