A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfried but I met a married man in my company and we are quite close. Very soon after this married man knows me, he told me he have feelings for me. Like he just realize I am his true love, the one he wants to protect and pamper with his best. To be frank, my relationship with my boyfriend is unstable due to his lack of motivation to work and some unstable financial issue I feel like my boyfriend couldnt give me a good future. But I couldnt just leave him like that as he is going to some job searching states and need motivation so much. On the other hand, the married who said he loves me, he has a wife and young daughter. This man really bought me all kind of stuffs which I need, not just providing financial support but also technical and emotional when i really need help. He never rejected a single request of mine. But everytime when i think of his daughter I just couldnt forgive myself. We are still not into an affair but I am so worried it gonna be. I dont know what to do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (28 July 2018):
 I think you know EXACTLY what you need to do but you just don't WANT to do it.
Firstly, you need to get rid of the boyfriend who you don't love, and with whom you see no future. What is the point of staying with him? His job searching is not your problem or responsibility. Then you need to find yourself a boyfriend who is free to love you and with whom you CAN see a future.
Secondly, you need to stop messing around with a married man. He MAY have feelings for you. However, he is NOT FREE. Being married does not stop you having feelings for other people. However, how you handle those feelings says everything about your morals. He has a WIFE who he probably says "I love you" to every day. He has a daughter who I HOPE he says "I love you" to many times a day. If he has TRUE feelings for you, he needs to end his marriage, spend some time on his own to clear his head and then he will be free to date you. Until such time as that happens, you two should stay away from each other. Sadly I doubt you will actually take any notice of this advice so you will probably be back, sometime down the line, asking for more advice about feeling used and asking us if we think he will ever leave his wife.
You can do anything you want in this life but always remember that everything comes with a price. I hope he is worth it, because the price will not only be YOUR pain but also the pain of his innocent wife and even more innocent child.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2018): As the mistress of an older married man for 5 years, I wish I could turn back time to where you are right now. I could have stopped all the pain and emotional turmoil I have been through. I could have stopped the feelings of worthlessness and anxiety. Once the fun has worn off, all you are left with is the reality that you're some immoral cheater's sex toy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2018): [EDIT]:
Corrections:
That's hush-money to keep you content while he uses your body."
Post script:
Married-men who have mistresses know they have to keep her happy, legs open, and her mouth shut. So they buy her things, and treat her nice, while they use her body.
He showers her with sweet-talk and flattery. He says "I love you;" because he knows a lot of women will fall for that. They just like hearing it.
If you're cheating on his wife, you want something in exchange. So he's going to make you happy. He's just not going to leave his wife. That's not part of the arrangement.
Saying he loves you and will leave his wife, is how they seal the deal. YOU'LL NEVER CASH THAT CHECK, OR IT WILL BOUNCE!
He doesn't have to mean it. Just say it, if it will shut you up; and you'll continuously offer him sex. So far, everything he has given you is a down-payment.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2018): Yes, the married-man can have feelings for you, mostly in the groin area.
What about the fact he has a wife, does that have any particular impact on this situation?
Now about your boyfriend. So if he's lazy and lacks ambition; and a good future is more important than finding love. I gather you have no feelings for him. So what prevents you from just breaking-up with him?
What makes you so absolutely certain that cheating bastard loves you? Well, you don't love him; you just love what he can provide for you. You are a girl he took a fancy to at work, and I guarantee he'd be happy just having sex with you, and he will never leave his wife and kids.
He's giving you things like he would give a prostitute. That doesn't mean he loves you. He wants you to agree to have sex with him; while he's still married. He throws in some phony emotional-support for good-measure. Anybody can pretend and put on an act as though they're concerned about your problems. It's easy, especially if you're naive. He's cunning and shifty!
He's cheating on his wife, while you're cheating on your boyfriend; because he buys and gives you stuff. That's real love. Material things and money!
Why do you feel so guilty about his daughter, and not his wife? Why are you hanging-on to your boyfriend while taking gifts and help from a married-man?
Married-men who cheat do whatever it takes to get consensual-sex on regular demand from any woman willing to cheat on his wife, and accept his gifts in payment. That hush-money and to keep your content while he uses your body. He can just tell you he loves you; because stupid women easily believe it. They don't really need much proof, or for him to leave his wife first.
He does not love you, but he needs a willing and cooperative courtesan. He will supply your needs, while you supply the sex. His wife may find-out. If he has a history of cheating; she is always checking his phone and his underwear. If it's somebody at his job, anybody who doesn't like you will tip her off. Some people really hate cheaters and will expose you.
Dump your boyfriend, leave the other lady's husband alone; and go find yourself a single and ambitious boyfriend. Don't roll the dice on some married-guy who cheats, and think you can trust him. Obviously his wife and daughter can't!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (27 July 2018):
Yes, you do know what to do. You just find the idea of doing it difficult. It’s not appropriate for him to show this level of interest in you, not whilst he is still married to his wife. Whether he is looking to exit his marriage or not (and I very much doubt he is), it is very simple: he’s not available, so don’t let things go further.
I wish you all the very best.
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