A
female
age
30-35,
*udeDesert
writes:Why does my boyfriend watch porn before having sex with me?He gave me a vague response, it was "I just like to be hard already so we can have sex." Then i explained how that could be interpreted wrong, if he didn't try to explain it to me. He then shrugged off as an insecurity of mine.
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female
reader, Haviette +, writes (10 September 2019):
If he uses porn to get turned on before sex, you, or any other woman, are merely a way for him to get his orgasm. Sorry, but you are merely convenient to him sexually. Time to move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2018): Don't be afraid to confront your lover about things that he does that hurts or frustrates you. His being dismissive doesn't make what he's doing right. It's obviously painful for you, and you should not be hesitant to let him know it.
He is in the habit of using porn as a warmup-tool prior to sex; and he has joined the two as his way of satisfying himself. Which leaves you choices and options. You choose to keep him as a boyfriend, in spite of everything.
If every attempt to correct the problem fails, your option is to end the relationship.
Love is not a reason to cling to people who make us unhappy and continuously hurt us. It's the reason to leave them; because they don't value us, as much as we value them. Taking our love away to give it to someone who values it more, and understands us, is the best option. Pleading with someone to change who refuses to, is wasting your time.
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A
female
reader, NudeDesert +, writes (30 July 2018):
NudeDesert is verified as being by the original poster of the question WiseOwlE, I would not have asked had I known enough to keep okay. I asked because I have tried communicating to him on several accounts. Some where teary, some where full of promises.
Since this keeps going on, and he shrugs it off as "All guys do it, girls are just so sensitive." That is not a response, that is a false accusation. So I asked on here.
I'm going to talk to him again, and hopefully this time he'll telll me the truth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2018): Most men have no concept how much being desired is part of what turns most women on. To many women being the one turning on is as important as it is for them to get hard and knowing they need other women to get aroused completely kills any chance of our arousal We live in a world that respect men's sexuality and ignores women's . Instead it promotes porn which is where women mimic having the same turn ons and sexuality as men so most men have no idea of how being the object of a mans desire is part of our turn on switch and which porn kills thatperhqps try explaining this and that there won't actually be any sex if he continues. Why should you have sex if your feeling hurt and not aroused . If porn is what turns him on so much let porn finish the jobFind someone who understands and knows how to meet your needs not just hos own
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2018): We couldn't tell you what's going on in your boyfriend's head, we've never met him. It's not a single thought or reason that all men share together. He has his own reason(s).
What's wrong with the reason he gave you? If you don't trust him, and you know him; how can you trust what someone here suggests? Like you, we can only guess what his reasons are.
You apparently have your own suspicions why. Maybe you should tell him why it makes you feel insecure; and be honest that you wish he didn't do it.
Maybe he would stop watching porn as a warmup before sex; because you asked him to. Tell him straight-out, you would rather be the reason he got hard. Only you! So why can't you just tell him that? It's an old habit. So it might take awhile to break. Will you be patient?
How will you ever know what he'd do, if you won't say what you think? Come right-out and say it; so he can actually hear the words coming out of your mouth. If he does what you ask, are you afraid you can't make him hard?
You don't have a penis, so it's not easy to make you understand.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (27 July 2018):
My guess would be that he has viewed porn for a long time and it has helped shape his perceptions of sex, what constitutes good sex and what pleases a woman. IT sounds like his idea of good sex is to go in, fully prepared, and get straight down to business. He probably doesn’t realise how important the foreplay and working up to the main event (if there is going to be one as foreplay can be fine on its own) really is. It creates the intimacy and closeness, builds up the tension and, yes, the arousal. Try explaining the importance of working up to it together and why it matt5ers that both of you make an effort to build up the mood.
I wish you all the very best.
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