A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Question- can a man truly love 2 women at the same time? A little history- I am married so is he. We work for the same company but live in different states. We have fallen in love which is crazy I know. We have never been physical but have hung out together in meetings and there was a insane attraction between us that neither have ever experienced before. We talk every day for hours email and text. We have kids so there is no way for us to be together right now and who knows what the future will bring. My husband is a very nice man but I meant him very young and we have been married for 15 years. We have different personalities and it just isn't there for me like it is for this other guy. The other guy says he is still in love with his wife. I just don't get how a man can love his wife and have such a deep emoational affair. He tells me he loves me and I have his heart more than his wife. He also has begin to complain about her mo and more. He went from saying that he will never leave her even in the future to...I wouldn't be this deeply involved with u if I didn't see a future in us. I already know that I am prepared to leave my husband when the kids are older for this man. If his wife new the things he says to me and the hours he talks to me and the gifts he buys me- she would be crushed. I just don't understand why he would choose her over me if his feelings are so deep. So is it possible he truly loves us both and his relationship is as good as he says it is with her.
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female
reader, amber jarvey  +, writes (26 April 2011):
i dont believe you can truly be inlove with two people, if someone else has told you they love you, then either they do or they are lying but they do not love the other person either! its easy to fall out of love but i believe if you fall out of love it was never really love in the first place x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): Does becoming a home wrecker not faze you?What about not being a good role model to your kids?How about your insecurities? Because in essence this is what you are all about. You seem selfish and shallow and THINK your affair is just so special. But honey it is not.Please understand the 'emotional whore' concept and this is what you are doing.This man DOES love his wife. He loves his kids and his family life. He will NEVER leave his wife for you, afterall, why would a man leave the love, stability and faithfulness of his wife for a cheater.Bottom line: you are heading for a rude awakening. You will never get your married man: his life and heart belongs to his wife.I feel sorry for your husband, he doesn't deserve your betrayal.LoveGirl
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): Iv been in this situation twice,and i really dont think so. my boyfriend admitted to me he loved another girl but yet im still with him? some men/boys just go through a phase which will then gradually over time become a fact or just a pack of lies,just give the boy some space and juts let him think.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): To be straight forward and honest, don't you feel like you're being a little selfish. I mean no offense intended , it's just you said "I just don't understand why he would choose her over me if his feelings are so deep". He made a commitment to her, for the rest of his life , and they had kids together. He can't just drop all of that for you. Maybe people can love more than one person , but be realistic. Don't forget you have a husband who loves you, and you have kids who look up to you. Do you want your kids growing up being able to say that you left their dad for another man who was married as well?You are definitely not setting a very good example if/when they find out what has happened. I am truly sorry to be so honest, but it's the truth. Could you imagine if you had never met this man in your life, and found out that your husband had the same thing happening with another woman? You would be crushed , I'm sure. Think about the man you're now in love with and how his wife and kids would feel if they found this out.. Don't do something you'll regret!
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 The emotional bond you have created is made up of chemistry and unrequited love. The two most dangerous things to base any of lifes major decisions on.Once you have done the deed and the oxytocin is spent, there will be clarity. Not telling you to have an affair.Only letting you know, that it is biology at work, not true love. Scary thought eh.. whoa.. we're all like ..animals.True love is actually created from care and respect.Love doesn't take your breath away, it feeds it.As far as men or women loving 2 people at the same time.Why oh my god, I would hope that they "we" are capable of loving thousands of people. Not sexually, but lovingly.Look back on your 15 years of marriage and spell out the times where you two were there for each other. So many people too willing to abandon their relationships for good times. No.. it is the tuff times, the hellish times that spell respect and care. More people should look on what they got through as a couple rather than what they feel they missed out on. Read up on Nelson Mandela's life and think of what devotion really is. Don't take chemistry and carelessly mistake it for a life of fulfillment. It is the wrong path PERIOD!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): He probably can love two women but only in a shallow way after all he's deceiving you both. Plus your deceiving your husbandYour a temporary distraction perhaps, pull away and invest in your marriage. Take responsibility for this situation and leave him aloneLife's not all about you
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): "If his wife new the things he says to me and the hours he talks to me and the gifts he buys me- she would be crushed."And you would be as well, if you knew what he did for her, with her, and what he says to her. You would be crushed to find out.Your husband would be crushed to find out as well, more likely than not.Read the book, After the Affair, and find out what you are headed for.Find out what your kids are headed for, even if they are grown, because you are teaching them what relationships are like.If you have boys, you will teach them to cheat on their wives and gf's and not to trust women.If you have girls, you will teach them that they are unable to be faithful and dependable spouses and gf's and that men will cheat when given the chance and they will be attracted to men who will cheat on them just like their mother's bf did on his wife and will marry men they think are not so great after a few years.Want to find out what life is really like outside the fairy tale? Then, stop the affair before it becomes physical, separate from and divorce your husband, move out, and then see how interested the other guy is in leaving his wife and moving in with your and getting married (commitment).
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): 2 women at once? easily! I can love more than just 2.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 April 2011):
 Yes ANYONE can love more than one at a time. I did. My husband could not deal with it and he left... but i was madly in love with my then husband and the man I was having a FWB relationship with. AND both of them knew it. I still love my husband and would have glady stayed married to him and kept my FWB as my secondary relationship but this is was not an option for him.Now I am with my former FWB as my primary partner. Thankfully HE UNDERSTANDS that a person can love more than one and require more than one in their lives and we talk about eventually adding a third to our relationship...Don't be so sure his wife will be crazed or upset or that somewhere down inside she does not already know...AND do NOT think that he will leave his wife for you.I never would have left my husband for BF... I did NOT STOP him when he left (and I could have) but I would NOT have ended my marriage for my affair partner.
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female
reader, TEM +, writes (6 April 2011):
 There is a quote by Iris Murdoch that I really like on this topic - "He led a double life. Did that make him a liar? He did not feel himself a liar. He was a man of two truths."Yes, a man, or a woman for that matter, can love more than one person, but the act of "being in love" is exclusive to one. He has love for his wife. He once had passionate love for her, but that state cannot be maintained. If that were possible, not much would get done in the world.He is "in love" with you. The state of being in love is sometimes also called "limerance." Google it and you will understand what it is to be in limerance. It's been called other things - infatuation, a crush, passion, etc. Experts say this state rarely lasts more than two years.Here's the tough part, 95% of married men, in an otherwise good marriage, that fall in love with another woman never leave their wife. What stops them is something called DHC (duty, honor, and commitment) I have been researching this topic for a long time, and I think you should start. Women also file for divorce 70% of the time. Most of the time it is because they find out that their husband is in love with another women and they cannot live with it. Just like you said, "if his wife knew...she would be crushed." It's pretty easy to find out about affairs these days. If his wife becomes suspicious and starts snooping, it won't take her long to uncover the electronic trail your emotional affair is leaving behind.I am not judging you here, but I implore you to find out more about emotional affairs. There is plenty of research and there are lots of online forums. My advice is to make yourself aware of what lies ahead. Learn from the stories of others. The Internet is rife with tales of emotional affairs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): Before you ask if a man can love two people, you should double check if what he feels for you is love at all. It could be a dramatic distraction from his regular life. Or it could be a personal "mistress" fantasy he feels he needs to live out...Or he could be doing this with the hopes that one day you cave and willingly have sex with him. That way YOU will be responsible for the affair rather than him.Can a man be in love with two women at once? Perhaps, but if his love causes him to lie to a woman he's promised to love, then he's not really loving her as he promised is he? He might love two people, but I doubt he can love either of them very well.A person who speaks out of both sides of his mouth tends not to know what he wants ultimately...
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A
male
reader, yesno +, writes (6 April 2011):
Maybe because he has kids. Don't tell yourself that unhappy parents make unhappy kids, it's bullshit. Grow up! Life is about sacrifice.
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