A
male
age
51-59,
*att-in-need
writes:Please someone help me, I don’t know what to do. I was married for 14 years with 2 beautiful girls and I had everything. I thought I had it all.... I worked with this woman who was a really good person and we just clicked, we had so much in common. She also is married with 2 girls. I never wanted anything to happen but by the time I realized I was falling in love with her it was too late to stop myself. She felt the same. I tried to stop so many times but I couldn’t. I felt a connection with her that I had never felt before.We saw each other every chance we could. The guilt was killing me but my love for her was stronger and continued to get stronger.About 1 year into the affair my wife was getting worried with me. She didn’t think that I would ever do something like this and so did I...She would ask me questions like "so was there a particular day when you stopped loving me or did it happen over time?” the guilt was unbearable. On day she asked "are you having an affair?" then straight away she said "sorry, it’s a stupid question, I know you would not do that" I told her yes. I just could not lie anymore, I did not love her. I was lying to everyone and even myself.So I left her. Not only because I was in love with another woman but I could not stay just for the kids.Someone once said to me "kids grow up better from a broken marriage than kids that grow up in a broken marriage". I did not want my kids to see me fighting with my wife and just not happy. the other woman who I love so very much is still in her marriage, she has moved out 5 times and moved back every time. She said that she does not love him, she is disgusted by him. He knows this, he knows about us. He said he just wants to keep the family together. She is in such confusion because of the kids. She is scared to leave because of the kids. One of them is old enough to choose and she wants to stay with her father. The other is too young to really understand everything.She said to me that she wants to be with me but she does not know how. I have been waiting for 18 months now. We were still seeing each other every chance we could get but I need more. I need her.I love her more than anything in this world and I just don’t know what to do....I have told her that we need time apart, 1 month and this will be the first time that we have been apart with no contact for the last 2 and half years.I said that she needs to feel what it would be like to live without me.My question is, did I do the right thing by saying we need time apart???? Can this push her to get over her fears???? Or do I just say no and move on or is their hope for me? Can she leave him?Do I wait for her??????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): I agree with one answer, now you are in a situation, deep in not good, repentace is the answer, please visit a church, talk with a pastor, join a church, there you can meet a good lovable woman that does not have a husband and need love and is ready to love. you are in the wrong path, put yourself together, adultery is a mortal sin, the road to eternal damnation.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 October 2008):
 It seems she is not a prepared as you were to give up her marriage. Why do you trust her? You love her but why do you trust her? What will happen the next time that either of you become attracted to another person. Will either of you cheat again?
As usual, my rule is this. Fix your marriage if possible. At least try. If it doesn't work, end it. Then, when it's over, begin looking for a new mate. It's impossible to be honest with everyone involve when the issues are cloudy.
Should you wait for her? Get on with your life. If things at her house are as bad as you say, she'll leave. If she loves you like you say, she'll come to you. You chose a messy path and these are the consequences. If you can't deal with this you should try and talk to a therapist.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (11 October 2008):
 She has a family, she has a life. For women, its gonna take a whole lot to get us to change it. Her kids love you so much yet one wants to stay with the dad? Thats atleast one reason this woman will stay put probably.
The other one wanting to go home after being moved out for a month is another. The fact she doesnt particularly like her hubby is a minor detail to be honest. The children are the most important thing. Because she is a woman. And by the sounds of it she is using booze to cover the cracks rather than face the facts.
I would put money on her not leaving him for good, and I expect he knows that too now. Left 5 times and gone back? Its not going to happen really is it, and I expect deep down you know that and just want to hear it from others too?
C xxxx
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A
male
reader, matt-in-need +, writes (11 October 2008):
matt-in-need is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the input, but it’s hard to describe everything that is going on in just a few words. She is miserable, drinking allot, yelling at the kids. She threw cat food into her husbands face... she said that she can’t live without me. I do believe her, I trust her. We both have a mutual friend who spends allot of time at her home, she has told me that she is miserable and that all she ever talks about is me.. I love her kids so much and she said that they love me so much too. We were together for 1 month with her youngest, but she does not understand. She was everyday in her mums ear saying I want to go home, I want to stay here. I miss daddy, I miss my sister....
I don't even know if the advice i get will help because nobody knows all the facts..
what do you think?
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A
female
reader, mylonleyself  +, writes (11 October 2008):
 Many women rather stay with their husbands for their kids sake. If she has left several times and always comes back to him, doesn't that tell you something? You did wrong by falling in love with a married woman to begin with, you were married too... but, yeah. Back to your question, I don't think she will leave him unless she has something secure to go to and if she feels like that will make her happy and her kids.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): If she hasn't left already, as you have, she likely isn't ever going to.No. You don't wait for her. If she isn't willing to bite the bullet, you have no reason to stick around, regardless of how you feel for her.Those feelings are not truely returned.I suggest you either patch things up with your wife, before it's too late, or find someone else worthy of your time.Flynn 24
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