A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I broke it off with my boyfriend because sex with him was extremely painful. It was my first time and i felt he was not as gentle as i would have liked him to be. We never even kissed for he said he hates kissing and there was no fore play. what got me so upset was that i told him i would like just a cuddle or kiss before we have sex and he said no just lie back and trust me,i will use lubricant. I threw up afterwards because i have not seen so much bleeding . It was a horrid site. He said he was sorry and did not mean to hurt me. He wants us back together, am afraid. I do not want to go through another nightmare like that. Is it always that way, can anything be done to improve things and should i give him another chance.
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (6 July 2007):
 Please remember this: Your body, your rules. If he doesn't want to kiss and you do, then dump his ass and find someone who wants to treat you better! The way you deserve. Please don't go back to him ever.
And if you struggled and he said he "couldn't stop" then that's rape. You should report him. I don't care if you're screwing like rabbits, if you say "stop" he should get the f--- out.
Your body, your rules. From now on. Take care of yourself hon.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2007): ohhh my gosh!! That is not normal. Don't let any boy ever tell you NO to a single kiss or anything! Sex should not be just fun for him, and you won't get any fun at all if he doesn't do anything to get you aroused first. It's sad that he doesn't even try...or care. He is very selfish and is only interested in getting off himself, using your body to do so. There are many boys out there who are more than willing to please you and give you what you want and need to enjoy everything as much as they do. Be strong and don't settle for less. Sex is so much more than just getting off anyway. It's about being as close as you can be to someone that you really care about. Even for those who fool around, sex is SO much more than getting to the grand finale!! Foreplay is UNDERrated---don't ever skip it! And cuddling after is also important to!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): if you struggled and he wouldn't stop, that's rape.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): Thanks for all your advise. i will stick with my decision and not go back. I will check with my gp but i guess there was so much bleeding since i struggled half way when it became painful and he said he could not stop.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (26 June 2007):
 Definitely ditch him. Foreplay is supposed to be a requirement, especially during your first time. If you were bleeding that much, and he continued, he has SERIOUS problems!! If he's not willing to put his own satisfaction aside, then you shouldn't be with him. I would find someone more mature, because it sounds like he's just looking to have sex with you again.
DV1
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 I think it's time to leave him hun.
I believe that every relationship should be about a little bit of physical contact without it being sexual.
Every girl and most guys love just a little cuddle on the sofa or something, if you leave him, you can meet someone who will give you that respect and that affection unlike this guy who is wreckless and doesn't treat you as a human being - more like something to have his way with and do what ever the hell he wants.
You're worth more than that! He's not even TRYING to see how you feel or how you felt. As yummymummy said - I would go to see your gp about the bleeding.
Get a man who'll respect you and show you affection, not just have his way with you with no care in the world.
Take care lovely, do what's right for you, not him.
xx
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A
female
reader, towapa +, writes (26 June 2007):
 If you really must get back with him, then you should have a serious talk about what he did and how much he had hurt you. But in the end, it's up to you whether you should get back with him or not. Do you really want to be in a relationship where there's no cuddling or kissing?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): Are you sure this guy has any respect for you? It doesn't sound like it to me. It sounds more like he was using you as an object for his gratification rather than giving your feelings or thoughts any consideration. How terrible for you that your first time was so harsh.
When a guy says things like they don't like kissing, or foreplay, but then goes on to have unemotional sex with you, be very careful - is there much difference between that and having sex with a prostitute? No.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): Honey,
I don't like the sound of him. I'm sure he's a great guy outside the bedroom but the way he treated you is extremely selfish, unconsiderate and I'm sorry your first time was with him. He didn't mean to hurt you? So what exactly was he meaning to do? Giving you a good time was definitely not in his agenda, that's for sure. Not kissing, and saying things like "just lie there and give me pleasure", sorry sweetie but he's treating you like a "lady of the night" if you know what I mean.
I think he needs to respect you, but he's not going to if you don't respect yourself first. Don't sleep with him again. Go and get yourself a nice guy that treats you like the lady you are.
Please, you deserve better.
xoxo
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (26 June 2007):
 Sit down and chat with him. A girl needs foreplay to loosen up and its not fair just because he doesn't like it that he shouldn't give any. Tell him you don't want sex like that again.
If there was a lot of blood I would get checked out at your doctors just incase. Girls can bleed slightly after their first time, but its normally only a little bit.
This guy needs to open his eyes to not just what he likes and dislikes but to what you want aswell.
xxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (26 June 2007):
 i personally don't think you should give him another chance, yes things do improve but he did not even have the decency to cuddle or kiss you first, he had absolutely no respect for you at all and when you are with someone they should take into consideration your feelings as well and he cleary did not.
Find yourself someone that does have respect for you and tell this guy where to get off.
Take care.xx.
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