A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am feeling really hurt and down. My bf and I broke up and it was my fault because I lied and probably hurt him. I guess as a result ppl started choosing sides. He is fun, and 'cool' and very popular. He is outgoing and I am shy and kind of quiet.This girl who is his friend came up to me and attacked me calling me ugly etc and told me she liked him. The whole time we were together she'd act weird and do things to try and get attention or make me jealous and now I guess I know why. The thing that annoys me is that she pretended like she wanted to be my friend. After the break up she started nasty rumors about me that weren't true.I had someone else who I thought was my friend gossip about me online telling my ex things I told them as a friend, in confidence and basically betrayed me. I thought this person was my friendI can go online right now and look up my name on the site and see the nasty comments him and his friends have said about me. I just feel so sad and lonely since I spent so much of my time and energy with him and recently moved here. Now I feel as if I'm having to start all over again.However I feel really cautious and scared to open up to ppl again in fear that I will get hurt and they will betray me. I feel so lonely! How do I break through this feeling of sadness and betrayal? I don't even know how I will act or deal with these ppl at school. The sad thing is I feel bad for what I did to the guy. There's a part of me that hopes he will forgive me and we will still somehow be friends.
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broke up, confidence, jealous, my ex, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Hey, its me again :-)
Forgot to mention about this girl that started the rumors?
Well, let me tell you.. She's doing all this because she's jealous of you.. Not talking about physically, but she likes your ex-boyfriend and she's doing whatever it takes to get what she wants. Shows no class, because a good person, that have confidence don't need to behave this way, oh well..
Like I said before, don't be sad, that's exactly what she wants, so don't give her the pleasure. Don't avoid places and people and continue with your daily activities. The good will always win at the end.
Ok I am done now :-)
Hope this help? Take care
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (24 June 2011):
Hi,
Sorry that you had to go through a horrible experience in such a young age. Specially at your age, you feel vulnerable, because this is when you're becoming a young adult.
Unfortunately, betrayal at your age group happens often, because you are all very young and have no experience is deal with certain situations and sometimes you make the wrong decisions. This is called being immature. I am not trying to be offensive, but its true and its ok to make mistakes, because this is how you learn and its part of growing up.
At your age group, there's a lot of bulling, taking sides and its all very common, so don't feel that you're the only one. We all have been through and as you get old you'll understand.
Right now things might seem overwhelming, its only natural and normal to feel this way, but I assure you that things will get better and you'll make lots of new friends. Anyways, think of as a good experience and, be glad that you know who are your real friends. I guarantee you that is good that this happened and believe me, you don't want to be friends with a person that betrayal a friend. These people that have betrayed you are immature, weak, coward, have no respect, integrity and is good that you never have to deal with these people again.
This will make you a better person, stronger and wiser. Don't let these people affect you and with time the truth will come out and people will start to see what a great girl you're. Don't ever change, keep doing well at your studies and show these people that you're a great, amazing girl. Its not time to panic and show weakness, ok?
As for your ex-boyfriend, when the time is right, I'll suggest if you have a honest, friendly talk. Tell him how you feel, how sorry you're for hurting his feelings and tell him that you never had any bad intensions. Answer all the questions he asks you honestly and tell him that you'll love to be friends again and would love to have another chance to re-build friendship and trust.
Don't let this experience affect your ability to trust people. Not all people are fake or bad. I just don't want you to change. I don't want you to loose oppurtunities to make and meet new friends. People that deserve your friendship and can become life time friends.
You're not alone! Don't cry anymore, don't feel sad anymore, be strong, eat well, make yourself look pretty everyday. Think positive and people will see your positive energy and will want to become your friend.
This is only the beginning, you'll have so many wonderful great memories :-). The most important thing right now is to keep in school and do well. Boys and friends will come and go, be confident, love yourself and its up to you to decide how you want to live your life and how happy and successful you want to be. People don't control your life, but you do!!!
Good luck!
Hope you feel better soon and things will get better, promise you..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): You should apologize to the guy. And try your best to be friends with him again. Then everyone else will stop harrasing you. Spend time with the guy and tell him you feel terrible that you lied to him.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (24 June 2011):
 I know exactly what you are going through, and I think this experience is much more common than we realize.
It will not last, and I can promise you that. When two people break up, there are always two very different stories about what the causes were and who did what when. Understandably, some friends (especially those you met through your significant other) will choose a side. And the more contentious the split, the nastier those friends can become.
You are the "bad guy" now, and the one who hurt their friend. It can result in a very sudden change in how they act toward you!
But in reality most people barely have enough energy to maintain an active dislike for someone else that they weren't directly involved with, and the intensity of their behavior tends to dissipate about as fast as the intensity between you and your ex.
As weeks and months go by, and you are no longer around your ex as much, his friends are going to lose steam for "getting you back" or spending much energy on maintaining a grudge.
It may seem like you are very alone for now, but that will pass. You will meet new people, make new friends, and move on with your life. Those obviously were not true friends anyway, so you aren't losing that much in the end.
I encourage you to instead focus on being gracious to them, and not give them any further fuel to dislike or discuss you.
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A
male
reader, Lobsang Kalden +, writes (24 June 2011):
My friend. Do this experiment:
Concentrate on the loving feelings you have had with every man you have ever been with. Imagine re-living those moments over and over again and concentrate on those feeling of love.
Once you tap into this feeling, try to magnify it and make it clearer and clearer every time. Then transfer the feeling to all of those who betray you. Look at them as the greatest friends you could ever have. Imagine all of them fulfiled and happy. Then apply this very feeling to everything around you. Keep steadfast to this feeling and do not let it go.
At first, do this for about five to ten minutes when you go to bed. Then try to do it more frequently. Your whole life will change. It is simple and it works.
I got rid of delusional jealousy by picturing my girlfriend having sex with those it would hurt me the most and then I imagining myself being very happy for all of them. I picture them as gods and goddesses embraced in an eternal dance of love. My mind turned into itself and I have not had a episode since. This was about 3 years ago.
But if you want something even simpler, try this:
Every evening. before you fall sleep, repeat with conviction in your mind, "Tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life". Repeat this thought until you fall sleep and do it every night. It will work. I promise you
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