A
male
age
30-35,
*anAfterChrist
writes:I've come here a few times.. usually to answer questions but I've asked a few as well. I've found this to be a very caring site and I trust the advice here.I've had a fairly long-term struggle with pornography throughout my life. Ever since an old friend of mine gave me a password to a site years ago, it's been an on-and-off addiction. I've had the addiction to a crazy dangerous level before, and also been out of it, but overall it's been a looming presence.I don't like pornography. I think it's gross and quite honestly just disrespectful. But I still find myself once every two or three days visiting a site and masturbating to it. I've had filters, and they get me to not watch it, but as soon as I take the filter off, I'm right back into it. Therefore, I know the problem isn't being solved. I want to change my thoughts so that I don't experience such strong sexual thoughts. It's unhealthy and I don't wish to bring that into my relationship with my girlfriend.Does anyone out there have any advice on how to overcome pornography addiction? I don't want to pay the outrageous fees some sites will charge for something like this, but am willing to pay a one-time fee for a program if anyone has personal experience to say it works.I know the question is a bit awkward, and I apologize for that. I just want to find a solution before the problem seeps into my relationships in life.Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, TrustyFriend +, writes (13 July 2011):
The blunt truth is that the people who have responded to you thus far are wrong. Pornography is addictive! Fortunately, you have recognized that you are caught in that addiction and that is the first step. Studies show actual brain function changes in someone who is addicted to any substance. Those changes are the same whether it’s an addiction to alcohol, drugs or pornography. When sex is separated from love and care, it can become addictive. Healthy relationships, work, play and peace of mind slip away as you slowly build a wall around yourself due to the shame you feel from your addiction and you become difficult to reach. Eventually it will be difficult to have meaningful relationships with real people as you begin to see other people as objects, not as human beings.This is not something that you will “grow out of” it is an addiction that needs to be treated just as you would any other addiction. But don’t get discouraged. You can overcome this!Asking for support is not easy, but recovery requires absolute honesty and the courage to ask for help. Recovery is possible! It takes work but if you follow the five steps to recovery (explained below), you will defeat your addiction. I am a volunteer for SA Lifeline Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping people like you find the resources and support you need to overcome your addiction. Don’t despair! We can help you overcome this. For help in following the 5 steps visit salifeline.org. 5 Steps to Recovery1.) Desire to Recover and Come Out of Hiding - You have to stop for you and no one else and be willing to talk openly about your problem with porn. (Congrats you’ve done this!)2.) Education - As you learn more about your addiction, why it is so harmful and how it has changed you, you will be armed with the power to overcome it.3.) Therapy - Sex and porn addictions require therapists with special training in these areas.4.) 12 Step Program - In addition to having a competent qualified sex addiction therapist you will also need to regularly attend weekly meetings of Sexaholics Anonymous or other similar 12-step support group programs. These meetings will allow you to talk openly about your problems and gain insight and support from recovered addicts who have gone through what you are facing.5.) Church/Religious Leader - Spirituality is an important part of the recovery process. Working with a religious leader will help you feel God’s love in your life and help you overcome your feelings of worthlessness.Visit salifeline.org for more help getting in contact with therapists and free 12 step program groups. Please don’t give up. You are not alone.
A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (24 June 2011):
If you're logging onto a particular site to feed a specific preference, as long as it involves consenting adults and can be done without harming anyone permanently, I suggest you share your prefence with your girlfriend. To give a purposely non-specific example: For instance, if you are logging onto 'www.BroccoliLust.com'(no, it doesn't exist!) because you get off on broccoli maybe your girlfriend might either secretly like broccoli as well, but was ashamed to tell you, or might be happy to indulge you because it's basically harmless and she loves you. If you're doing the real thing, you will not be tempted to go online as much any more.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Hi,
Honestly, I don't think you actually have an addiction to porn.
You're in that age that you're very hormonial, don't you think so? Isn't normal for a guy your age to think about sex frequently? This is all new to you and I am sure you have lots of questions, want to learn and watching porn is for pleasure, but also curiosity...
When I was your age, early 20's I used to have a group of girlfriends and we used to go out drink and clubbing every weekend. I had a girlfriend that used to have sex w/different guys every week? One week she slept with 3 different guys? I was a virgin and didn't understand her. I never said anything to her, but I thought she was a slut? She was my friend, I respect her, she was a good person, but when it came to men? Sex? I didn't understand.
Now, I am older :-), and understand that people have different taste, preferences, etc. Every individual are different and some people are more sexual than others? Some people enjoy sex and need to everyday? Some, not so much and once a month is good enough :-)
Now I understand my friend, she was not a slut, but just enjoy sex too much...
My point is, I agree that 3 times a week is a bit much, but I guess in your age is quite normal. I think, because you're young, you're in your peak and eventually this urges will decrease...
Don't panic yet, maybe is something in your head? The fact that you keep thinking about it, make you believe that you have urges and force you to do so?
My opinion: stop thinking about it... Spend time with friends, be happy that you"re a young, healthy, normal young man. How about, go exercise, do fun things.. Stop struggling about it and accept the fact that you enjoy sex and are more sexual than others.
Stop worrying about it, being so judgmental of yourself. You mentioned disgusting, yeah, I agree, but some like it that way, some are romantic, some are aggressive, but its all preferences, don't think of as wrong or bad...
Enjoy life, your family, friends, think positive and be happy...
Lastly, take day by day, we cannot ignore the fact that it might be serious, and I believe you, but let's start with working on your thoughts, accepting the facts, your attitude and trying to understand. If you feel as though its not helping you or getting any better, then you can seek professional help.. Why don't you go to bookstores and read about the subject. Its free and good way of spending time alone.
If you feel this is a problem and wants to fix, 1st step is to understand the problem in order to solve, right?
Don't feel ashamed, don't feel sad and overwheled.
Hope this help and
Good luck :-)
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