A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm with my current boyfriend for about 2 years and yest was hia bday. He thinks bdays are overrated, but I still got him gift card and since he didn't want cake, got him a small cake and went to see him. I was hungry by the time I reached his place, asked whether we can have food. He didn't want to, but came with me. He was moody the whole time and when we came so restaurant asked him whats wrong and it's his bday hw should cheer up, got angry and walked out of me and when I brought that up, he was really pissed and slept the entire night in couch. How much I ask him he won't come to bed, he is angry because I keep asking why he is mad or moody and won't leave him alone. Don't know what to do. I didn't sleep the entire night.Btw he didn't cut his cake also, he refuses.ro talk to.me. tells me that I didn't answer his question in returant, so walked out and waited for me in car. Also angry because I took fifteen minutes to come back. I didn't want to waste the food, so i finished my food and came back. What did i do wrong here.Please help me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2017): Rule number one:
NEVER EVER chase a man. Let him get that tantrum out and discuss his issue with you like a grown up.
Honestly. If he didn't want to celebrate his birthday because it might feel like a dread that he's getting older maybe you guys should have had dinner at home. But still that whole attitude he had was not called for.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2017): Everybody is all over you for doing a nice thing!
Your heart was in the right place, sweetie! You owe nobody an apology for this!
And he is lucky to have a girlfriend like you!
If he doesn't appreciate you, then maybe he's the one who needs to find a woman who doesn't give a shit about him or his birthday!
And then, believe you me, he would be sulking cause she didn't care or make any fuss at all!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2017): When people are brooding and not talking, you leave them alone. What does it matter if they don't want to tell you what's wrong? You ignore a man-child having a tantrum.
Carrying on so rudely was a bit melodramatic over a birthday cake.
Some people just hate aging, and would rather just not be reminded they're growing older. They don't like the fuss, and sometimes they would just rather do what they want to do on their birthday. Which may be absolutely nothing.
Learn how to soldier through the silent-treatment. Stay busy. Stop pestering him. Passive-aggressiveness, brooding, and pouting is how people pile guilt on you. It is also how they punish you when you don't bother listening when they've told you something over and over.
You did something sweet. Unfortunately, it's not appreciated; so it wasn't worth the trouble.
If you manage to keep that hothead around until yet another birthday; plan your vacation out of town that week, and shutoff your phone while you're gone.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (18 September 2017):
If there's one day you should be able to do what you want, it is your birthday. It is a bummer to have a birthday and then have someone demand that you spend it how they think you should spend it, even though it is contrary to how you want to spend your birthday.
You should apologize, especially if you want to rescue this relationship. Second, you should work on not be so pushy with other people. This is probably not the first time you've done such a thing. I once had a girlfriend who constantly wanted me to join her while she did this, that and the other thing. She expected me to go along with her, which I nearly always did. I respected her space and rarely ever asked her to do anything. One time I asked for rare, very small favor and she just went on talking about what she wanted, as though I hadn't said a thing. That was the end of that relationship. Are you that girl? It might be time to do some self-training.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 September 2017):
 I agree fully with Cindy.
He is a tool and he was cruising for a fight. You, on the other hand, weren't exactly being respectful to his wishes.
I think when someone says, I don't believe in birthdays it means nothing to me, then RESPECT that. It's OK to say Happy Birthday or even find a funny card but leave it at that.
And if someone is upset why keep poking them? Some people (me included) rather be left alone till we have mulled over whatever is pissing us off instead of being nagged about it.
And lastly, if my partner is in a shitty mood I do NOT suggest we go out to eat and then keep nagging him about being moody. EVERYONE gets moody. It's allowed. It's OK to have days where we sulk. If he is acting like that, GIVE him space. Tell him:" Honey I can sense you aren't in a mood for my company so I'm going to head out - I love you and if you want to talk, give me a call".
You both need to improve on your communication skills.
And he DID act like a tool. He could have said: Honey, I'm not in the mood today to hang out with you - I hope that's OK. I just need a little peace and quiet." Instead, he acted like a 5-year-old throwing a fit in a restaurant.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (17 September 2017):
Leave him alone, permanently. Giving someone the silent treatment as he is doing to you is cruel and childish and you did nothing to deserve it. So stop contacting him and stop seeing him until he is willing to behave like an adult.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2017): ". . . he is angry because I keep asking why he is mad or moody and won't leave him alone. Don't know what to do."
Stop asking why he is mad or moody and leave him alone. Duh.
Not only did you completely disrespect his feelings by ignoring his expressed wishes, but you also incessantly nagged him about it.
While I believe that making a scene in a public place is incredibly rude, I'm inclined to give him a pass for putting up with your insensitive, inconsiderate, selfish behavior for as long as he did.
If you have to ask what you did wrong then you're the one who has issues, not him.
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A
male
reader, SScooter43 +, writes (17 September 2017):
"He thinks bdays are overrated, but I still got him gift card and since he didn't want cake, got him a small cake and went to see him."
So if he completely ignores you, how would that make you feel? That is what you did to him on his birthday.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2017): Basically you are totally insensitive and did not consider his feelings whatsoever. He could have very valid reasons why he doesn't celebrate his birthday, not everyone likes birthdays/Christmas for personal reasons and you totally disregarded what he told you.
I suggest you apologise to your boyfriend and if you genuinely care about him you listen to what he tells you and respect how he feels, he is entitled to spend his birthday as he pleases, it's not your place to force him to do somethinghe clearly told you he wasn't comfortable doing.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 September 2017):
 Proviso : your boyfriend is a tool anyway. You do not get up and storm out of a restaurant, planting your companion there either to eat alone, or to chase after you. That's having awful manners and personally I would have zero tolerance for this kind of behaviour .
BUT : I must say that you sort of had it coming upon you, or at least gave him extenuating circumstances.
He does not celebrate birthdays, and you insist in celebrating. He does not want a cake, and you bring him one. He does not want to go eating out, and you nag until he accepts. He is in a bad mood, .. tells you repeatedly that he needs to be left alone, does not want to be cheered up,... and you keep pestering to make him talk.
Plus, he asked you a question and you did not answer ; what question, and why didn't you answer ?
He is still a tool, IMHO, but I can see how he would find it very annoying that you make it all about you . You celebrate birthdays- so, big fuss about his birthday. You like cake- so he must have a cake, whether he wants one or not. You are hungry-so he must come out and eat . He does not want to talk about his mood at that time- and you give him no respite.
Do you really not see anything wrong in all this ?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (17 September 2017):
 If you get back together, I would advise you to stop nagging him. If someone is a bit down, one of the worst things you can do is to tell them to cheer up. Next time try asking him if he needs to be alone - and then listen to what he says.
You completely did things YOUR way, then expected him to be happy? Is that the way your relationship is normally?
If you two don't make each other happy normally, then call it a day and find people who make you both happier. If this was a rare occurrence, then learn to listen to him and take note of what he says, rather than doing what YOU want.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (17 September 2017):
 I'm with aunty bim bim.
You literally ignored everything he said and went against everything. What were you expecting? You sounded like you nagged at him a lot that day. Listen to what he is telling you in future and you will avoid unnecessary fall outs.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 September 2017):
 He didn't want cake so you got him a small one, he wasn't hungry but went to eat with you anyway, he thinks birthday's are over rated but you kept telling him to cheer up because it was his birthday.
Maybe he was pissed as you put it because you demonstrated an insensitivity about how he feels about birthdays and cakes and kept harping on at him.
Maybe he slept all night on the couch to get some peace and quiet.
I advise you think about how you communicate, and work on your listening skills.
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