A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband is starting up a business and is very excited. He dedicated his life to it and we seldom get quality time as a newly married couple.If he is busy with his own job, i can understand. I know certainly what his business is. But this morning i found out after peeking at his phone that he is in debt. Yesterday he ask for our "envelope money"from his relatives and family that are given on our wedding day. He said he will use it for capital of the business. Because he lost some on the business and need some money to get trough this situation. His customer run out his money and he cant find him. in the other side, he need to pay for his debt from which he borrowed some money from.The first thing i do when i know it is i asked him whats happening with him lately and he answered me everythings going fine. I asked him does he owes money to somebody? He said yes. I grown up in a stable and weatlhy family never face or experience of lending or owing money to somebody. we are told that it is prohibited and such a shame to have a debt. i know i cant compare my parents financial situation with him. my dad is used to be starting his own business from 0 but he never withdraw or being rushed to pay the debt.he borrowed some money from his dad to start this business. and his money is being run out by his customer. i suggest him to ask for more money from his dad to close this debt. he withdraw from his friend ( collector ) and said pity things like he got no money to pay and will do anything to cover it and will try to pay on time in a desperate way. honestly his parent will cover his debt if he want to. he is very stubborn and in his mind he wont get help from his parent and will succeed by himself. he lend money once from his dad and he wont ask for more. as a newly married couple. all my needs is being provided by him. i know he got really pressured. i cant understand why he is so stubborn and try to be overindependent like that. he said if we want to do and have anything we must try to find and get it ourself. i dont understand why he keeps his pride too much.i asked him is it normal to lend some money and get difficult in paying it when starting business? do you worry about it because im damn worry about it. he said that he got no choice except borrow money from friends as he need it for the business. he asked me to calm down and dont mind his problem and let him solve it himself. he said all he did now is for 1 thing. he wants to be succesful and when it comes im the one who enjoy it in the end he said. i know he mean it but i dont want him to go through such a difficult time himself.he said eventhough he looks relax from the outside, his mind is keep thinking what else can he do for expanding the business all the time. what i want to ask is:1. will he breaks his reputation for having debt that cant be paid ontime? plus he said things like he promised that after the end of the month he will pay all the debt as his parent business is now on their busy season. i dont like he links his debt with his parent business.2. im afraid that he will got any trouble in the future and wont open to me 3. why he is being over dependent while he has his parent to support him on his difficult timei dont know why i feel so uneasy eventhough he explained that its normal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2017): Don't compare your father's situation with that of what your husband is going through. Different eras and different economics. A few decades ago, people started businesses on a shoestring; and they flourished into money-making enterprises.
Nowadays, they come and go; sometimes they start-out making tons of cash, or they flop the first year. If you show worry and confront your husband with the attitude that you always knew he would fail, exactly what type of response were you expecting? Getting into tons of debt is self-defeating, and heading for a financial calamity.
He does have some pride, and he would expect his bride to trust and believe in him. He doesn't want you to worry nor criticize him. So naturally he pretended he wasn't having any trouble.
As for borrowing from his parents? That should be the last resort. If he is falling into debt, he is placing his marriage in peril. It's not a good idea to take risky business endeavors very early on in a new marriage. It places too much pressure and stress on him, and his marriage.
His stubbornness may pay-off someday, but it is foolish to start something new without a Plan B. Always have something to fallback on. If he's going to be stupid and proud; and not use every resource at his disposal, it's spinning your wheels until you spiral into bankruptcy.
Try to show a little faith, even if you have to fake it. The last thing anyone needs is their own spouse to piss on their dreams. All new businesses struggle at first, including the one your father started. Ask him. Your husband needs to speak to his father-in-law for business advice; and he should attend every start-up business seminar available for entrepreneurs. I think he's trying to prove something to everyone; but his pride is making him take foolish risks, and he's trusting clients who are taking advantage of his inexperience.
Ask your father to offer him some business-advice. Do not go telling your father he is in trouble and cause a rift between your dad and your husband. That would be a terrible thing to do. He might have some suggestions and advice; but don't get arrogant and tell him what to do. No one likes a pompous-ass putting him down or criticizing him like he's chasing a pipe-dream. Most new businesses begin from struggle.
Whether he likes it or not, he needs help. If he refuses good advice, he is sure to fail; because only a fool would refuse good advice from a successful source who could mentor him and show him the ropes.
Perhaps it is his own capitalistic-pursuit; but if he is using funds that belong to the both of you, he is inviting your input and concern. If the business is taking him away from his duties as a husband, his pride and arrogance will not only make him fail as a businessman, but also as a husband.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2017): Ofcourse if he fails to pay his depts the deptors can take him to court and if they find he is unable to pay the depts then he will have to declare bankccrupcy and the laws of bankcrrupcy differ from one country to another and the type of company he has established. Therefore it is important that you know the bankcrrupcy laws in your Country. Also another important factor to success in business is the support of the family. That is your support and active participation in decision making and running of the company. Also your husband needs a mentor to guide him, in this case his father can be the best mentor for him and you should encourage him to seek his fathers help. Another important point is that he should learn everything about running a business by enrolling in a university course if he doesn't have a qualification in business and accounting or commerce.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2017): Running a business is a risk and it's not unusual for businesses to borrow money from time to time. While some businesses are very successful and make the owners very rich, a proportion also fail and land the owners into a lot of debt. You and your husband are in this together as husband and wife and he should not hide the businesses debt from you. Maybe you should set a certain level of debt that you are both comfortable piling on this business venture. If you are able to make the business work within this budget then that's great but if you can't then you need to have a point where you call it quits, accept the debt and find an alternative path (such as being employed in another persons business)
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (16 September 2017):
This is a difficult situation for you to be in especially as you are not very long married.However i can understand how you are worried after finding out your husband is in debt.First of all there is no point in your husband telling you not to worry and that this is the normal way.He must understand that he is married and all his business deals involve you.As his wife you have the right know everything and the amount of debt he is in.No it is not normal to be in debt so early in his business.Both of you must decide HOW to deal and clear this debt,otherwise it could ruin his business start-up.So have an indept firm chat with your husband and also telling him that this is causing you stress.It is most important that you both have TIME together and this must be also discussed .Kind Wishes .NORA B.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2017): The financial gap is the potential barrier. A large amount of small business go bankrupt owing about £65000 within the first ten years.This gets written off when the company liquidates and the owner declares it bankrupt.Its more common than not and not significantly shameful.Its just disappointing that's all.The £65 thousand has gone round the money market and still has its initial value.People don't go to jail for civic debt anymore. They don't get hung, drawn and quartered for it or bits cut off their person.The money tree tends to be top heavy with all the money in one tier only and occasionally a bit comes the poor mans way or not as the case may be.This is the philosophy behind commercial gain so forget the shame thing as it doesn't apply in real life.In real life it is shameful to bomb oceans and countries and people.Its shameful to destroy the planet with greedy avarice so that the planet can no longer orbit effectively and gets tousseled by intergalactic forces beyond human control.Every atomic bomb has a cataclysmic effect on the planet causing radiation pollution, shock damage, tsunamis and hurricanes coupled with temperature extremes from holes in the ozone layer but no one is ashamed or culpable in our world and everyone is happy to pass the grief on.Your husband is trying to live up to your parents standards but we are in different times.I feel that you love him but you believe you should naively trust him.Your intuition is telling you to be prepared.Its good in this situation to always have backup plans.Talk to him about this.Don't let him think its all or nothing!Is the business ethical?Does he aspire to more than climbing the money tree?If it all went wrong how would you cope as a couple?Would you be able to walk away from the business as a stronger couple if it didn't bring forth the projected profits?Is your love or his love for you conditional on the success of the business?Would he still want to be with you if you had nothing but some pots and pans and the clothes you stand up in?Suggest different scenarios and figure out if you are important enough to him to live through the uncontrollable knocks that life can throw at you.You don't want to be with anyone who hides their debts and then decides to annihilate the family because they cant afford to keep them in the style to which they have become accustomed.And think of training for a job for yourself as you may need it one day.You don't want to become "her indoors who mustn't know what really goes on in the world today."You have a chance to take this marriage into happy waters if you stay closely linked and don't let him shroud your understanding in bland secrecy.Many a good woman lost her way because husband blindfolded her about his liquid capital and how he was dealing with it.If it is his baby and he doesn't want you too involved because he doesn't want to bring work home then let it be.But enrol on a law course or something because you sound like a smart cookie and your life is a blank canvas for you to fill with your own achievements.You can be a strong and assertive woman without going into his business as long as you have a direction of your own.
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