A
female
age
30-35,
*atinqueen57
writes:Recently my boyfriend told me that he wants to experience having sex with other girls..quick info about us we've been dating for about 6 years now I was 15 he was 16 now (20 and 21) and we were each others first. I knew it would happen but didn't really want to think about him having these feelings. He barely like to have sex with me bacause he says its kind of boring. I've tried spicing things up but he still feels curious, he says he would rather get it out of his system now then when we get married he ends up cheating on me. I know he really loves me and wants to be with me we've been happy but this still makes me sad. I don't know what to do because he applied for a government job and might have to move soon, he wants me to move with him once he is stable but that could be 6 months to a year later and I wonder what if he becomes emotionally attached to someone who was a one night stand and totally forgets about me! I feel soo confused please help ?!?! =/
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female
reader, poetrygoddess +, writes (5 December 2009):
No, no, and absolutely NO! this guy has cheater and trouble written all over him! And frankly, he's a douche bag! If he loved you, no matter how boring the sex was, he wouldn't even consider such a thing! Case closed. Respect yourself, girl! My boyfriend and I spice things up but never has he had the gall to ask such a thing!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): wow this scenario is eerily familiar.My girlfriend recently did the same thing to me about 3 months ago. we were together for almost 6 years, been together since we were 16, just like you two. I had bought a ring to propose to her with because I was ready to make a commitment and didn't want to be with anyone but her. we were both each other's first and only sexual partners and I loved that. it made it really special, and I never got bored of the sex like your boyfriend did because I love her so much and her body was always exciting to explore. so when she told me that she wanted to experience other men I was devesated. It happened because I kinda hinted that I might propose and she said she didn't want to settle down, which was confusing to me because we were planning on moving in together next summer, I thought we were going somewhere. but yeah, like your boyfriend turns out she was bored of me and had the itch for other men. Since she dumped me I haven't bothered trying to date anyone else, I only want her and I'm torn apart inside. she has dated two other guys that I know of, I heard through mutual friends that she's slept with at least 2 others (1 night stands) as well. so she's certainly wasting no time in getting over me. I can only assume that she was out of love with me for a long time before she ended it. I'm pretty lost now. What I'm trying to say is that if your boyfriend is telling you this stuff, he is not in love with you anymore. he may say he is, but he's probably saying it in order to keep you in his back pocket while he goes out to see how many other girls want to sleep with him. I'm not sure if my girlfriend (ex now I guess) will ever come back to me... sadly I think if she decided to, I would take her back in a heartbeat.. but I am miserable every day, very lonely... Please don't do what I have done... I am aware that my girlfriend has almost no respect for me anymore because I have become a doormat. when she told me she wanted to sleep with other guys and go on a break and all that I didn't know what to say, I just ended up crying. but I let her go. I had to, she was miserable, she thought she was missing out. You have to let him go too. what you do afterwards is up to you, but try to move on if you can, he has already moved on, he's not really in the relationship with you any more. He's thinking of all these other girls, putting them in your place, next to him in bed. he doesn't see you there anymore. I'm sorry, I know how painful it is. But you have to let go
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): Let him go and don't look back. You can find somebody WAY better that will actually care about you and not have to go sleep with a bunch of other girls. That's ridiculous. If he really loved you and wanted to be with you, he'd work on your sex life instead of heading out for greener pastures. What a jerk!
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A
female
reader, FleexNicanor  +, writes (4 December 2009):
dudeidk what to sayim young but not dumband if i were u ill break up with him cause he might be already cheatin on uu said tht to have sex with u is boring and all tht kinda stuff he is not interested and maybe the magic tht was one day when u were together is not the same 6 yrs later. u kno?ORu also said about movin together if he wants u to move with him it would b ridiculous tht he is cheatin on u.My Advisekno where his goin but dont act like a police cause thts hesitatinif theres like a party ask him if u can go with himand all tht kind of stuffif he says no kno where he is at.i wish u the bestmaybe this thing of movin together might help ur relationship
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A
female
reader, FleexNicanor +, writes (4 December 2009):
dudeidk what to sayim young but not dumband if i were u ill break up with him cause he might be already cheatin on uu said tht to have sex with u is boring and all tht kinda stuff he is not interested and maybe the magic tht was one day when u were together is not the same 6 yrs later. u kno?ORu also said about movin together if he wants u to move with him it would b ridiculous tht he is cheatin on u.My Advisekno where his goin but dont act like a police cause thts hesitatinif theres like a party ask him if u can go with himand all tht kind of stuffif he says no kno where he is at.i wish u the bestmaybe this thing of movin together might help ur relationship
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A
female
reader, Lovely Sweet Laura  +, writes (4 December 2009):
 You are better off without him if he doesn't even consider your feelings darling....if he was really committed to you it wouldn't be so important for him to have to "spread his wings" You are letting his actions create self-doubt about yourself. Don't, you deserve more and if he ain't willing to be faithful send him packing. If he moves, and you aren't there, you can almost for certain know that he will take that opportunity to do the things he has already told you he wanted to do or you will go crazy thinking he is! This is a quote That may help "If you love something, set it free.If it comes back, It will always be yours.If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. I think you already know that you are more invested in this than he is~ you wouldn't do the same thing to him...Take care!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 December 2009):
 He has already ended the relationship, but guys are guys so he trying to squeeze the last bits out of it. Maybe a three-some or two, whatever you are willing to do, to try to save something that can't be saved.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (4 December 2009):
 I think at 20 & 21, you're both too young to be tied down to someone or start planning a future together. You're both going to grow and change so much over the next several years and you both deserve to have different experiences--including dating other people. I can understand your boyfriend wanting to go out and sow his oats; you should do the same. Break up, remain friends and go out an explore the world.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (4 December 2009):
 This sounds like the age-old problem that befalls many relationships, even in marriages. Unfortunately men, and many women as well, are not really inclined to be monogamous. In order to overcome the temptations for the sake of a relationship and the benefit of the individuals involved, often including children, there must be commitment.
Commitment is not an easy thing to embrace. There are many facets to commitment, but it essentially takes love and devotion on the part of two people who are of high standards, moral character and selflessness. Your boyfriend seems to be weak in one or more of those attributes. Ultimately, you will likely have have to act for you own self interest.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 December 2009):
 It sounds like your relationship is heading for some changes now; things are not going to go back to normal from here on out. Even if he decides not to check out sex with other girls "officially", you are not going to trust him while he's gone.
I'm curious, did the two of you discuss what the expectations surrounding YOUR sex life would be while he's out there having intercourse with other women? Are you encouraged to go out and find out what other men are like? Or is this a one-sided, "men will be men" kind of thing?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 December 2009):
I'm sorry, but your boyfriend is full of himself. A decent guy who loves his girlfriend doesn't say the sex is boring, he works at it, and he doesn't say that he would like to have sex with other girls to 'get it out of his system' so he can then marry you. I'm sorry, but he doesn't love you enough and he's using you as a safety blanket in case it all goes wrong. He will really hurt you if you allow this. So either he accepts you as you are and works at your relationship, or you will have to let him go and move on. don't fall for the old male trick of him saying he'll come back and he just needs to experience it with other girls. That's rubbish. A man who loves you will commit to you and you only. End of.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): You KNEW this would happen? How? Usually when people commit they don't want to be fooling around with others. Your boyfriend needs to mature. If the sex is boring he should get into it and spice it up. If he wants to experiment now, he'll want to experiment next time he gets bored with you to.
Im sorry, but this doesn't look good. Do you like the idea of him being with others? No. Then leave him unless he's able to stay with you the way YOU need him to be there for you.
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