A
female
age
36-40,
*niston85
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months. He has a lot of an amazing qualities but then there are some characteristics that I can't get past. He isn't emotionally supportive and I feel like he doesn't "get me" like he should. I told him about my painful past that he knows has caused me a lot of issues. Yet, when my issues come up, he makes remarks that hurt my feelings. His remarks aren't mean, but they are clueless. For example...lets say I was hit as a kid. If he were to raise his arm near me for any reason, I might cringe and pull back. He would tell me it isn't normal even though he should know it is from my past because I have talked to him about it before and have told him that is why I do it. I feel like he should get to know me and know why I do that when it happens rather than act clueless about it and act like he doesn't know about my past. That is just one example out of many. He isn't sensitive about it. I don't want him to say a lot or act like my counselor, but I would like him to have the wits and heart to understand me a bit better. He also knew that I wanted to go to counseling and that it is a big step for me. I have struggled about it for a very long time but was scared to go. I mentioned last week that I am going to finally go and even set up and appointment. He asked me a couple questions about it, but when the day came, he never asked me how my session went and I decided to not bring it up if it wasn't a big enough deal for him to remember. I am starting to question if he is really the guy for me or if he is just plain lazy when it comes to paying attention and making an effort. I know guys aren't emotional as women, but with him he is sensitive when it comes to a lot of things. The thing that really bothers me is that he didn't seem too upset or sensitive when I finally broke down and told him about my past, yet when he talks about a movie character that endures similar pain in a movie as I have or even someone else that he knows of, he acts a lot more concerned. I don't think I can be happy with someone who isn't more supportive in the way I need it most. I have tried talking about it and he apologized about it and said he didn't realize he was doing these things...yet it went right back to the same old crap. Is this the end of our relationship? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 April 2013):
 Sooo, he's boorish, insensitive and intimidating.....
Those are NOT the three adjectives that I'd recommend that my Sister start out seeking in a (her) man-friend..... So, I'll say the same to you.... Look for a nicer guy. It's hard to imagine that you would find one who is even EQUALLY boorish, insensitive or intimidating....
Where DID you find this creature??????
Good luck....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013): To begin with I too have been through a lot of things as a child, mostly sexual abuse by a relative, however I have learnt that if we let it eat us it will consume us.. So I shall not be or play the victim role, I shall not be that scared and lonely little girl and I am not.. I'm a confident mother, parent sister, but I will not be a victim .. And neither should you.. So good on you for getting counselling .. But I know what you you mean by he may do something that triggers you to react like in your past. I don't like being cuddled after being intimate, I'm like thanks that was great, see you for tea.. My husband thinks its hilarious really but sometimes I wish I could be different .. Now maybe your boyfriend just doesn't know what to say without getting emotional over what happened to you ,,, men are supposed to be strong .. And maybe he frightened he might breakdown .However he is not psychic either ... So explain to him that you really need him to be more supportive.. To be honest I don't talk to my husband about my past, as I feel I need to own it and sort it., it is very mind blowing and emotional stuff and I feel I shouldn't mar our relationship with bringing my baggage into our house.. That doesn't mean we haven't discussed it, and that he was/is very supportive ., I just personally think its better of out of our relationship.. That's just my view though honey, and you need to do what's good for you both .. Take care.. And your not alone...
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