A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 3 years just threw a chair across the room because he got mad that I was questioning him about an online account he has. We live together now for 6 months and in the entire 3 years he has NEVER throw anything, let alone a chair!!! It's 2 in the morning and we have downstairs neighbors. He has apologized and said he had slot of pent up anger-frustration from work but I am FREAKED out. I've never seen him fly into this sort of rage and I didn't grow up around physical displays of anger. Should I chalk this up to a one time rage fest, or clearly what is going thru my mind that this is just the beginning of a bad path? Up until now I never worried about him hitting me, but I've never seen this anger before. Thoughts ? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your responses.
Lazyguy, to answer your question, the chair was aimed at me. He was facing me and threw the chair to the side. It wasn't aimed at me.
As for the fight, in the broader sense, it was about me not believing him, and I guess him feeling "accused". Specifially, we are both on Facebook, but the other day, it suggested I become friends with another account with another name linked to his email. So basically, he has another account with a fake name.
So, I rather calmly asked him about it. (I can yell but wasn't here). Didn't raise my voice, but was saying " how would you feel if you found out I had a fake account?" he said he created it years ago to see a friends pictures, and now doesn't remember the password to delete it.
The back story here is that he has online accounts on porn websites to download porn and I've told him I think it's disgusting and wish he wouldn't do it. He agreed not to ( clearly I don't believe that- but I'm not going to snoop on his computer). But now of course, you have to wonder why the calm to rage response over the fake FB account?
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (28 June 2009):
Abusers generally start showing signs of abusive behaviour towards other things and other people, but not you! At least at first...eventually it will be your turn.
Sure, he threw a chair, no one got hurt, but that doesnt matter. Someone could of got hurt. And the main point is, that he chose to deal with anger through violence, even if it was taken out on just a chair, its the principal behind it. He obviously lacks self control and has violence problems.
This is not healthy.
You are right to be worried.
My ex bf was abusive emotionally and physically. At first, he would just drive fast, and punch holes in the wall and throw things around the room, not aimed at me though. Yet even though an abuser might not aim the items thrown at you, it is a form of intimidation. Its there way of saying they will hurt you, in a less direct way. Eventualy he started to become physically abusive towards me. I never thought it would happen. I thought he wouldnt hurt me because he loved me. But I was wrong. Someone who will hurt others or shwo violence towards anything else, will not stop at only that.
I suggest you do a google search on relationship warning signs, abuse warning signs etc. You might find he matchs alot of the charactristics.
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A
male
reader, Your friend +, writes (28 June 2009):
 There is no excuse for extreme physical responses that put you at risk either physically or emotionally. If this is the way he reacts to 'work stress' then what does the future hold if work stress gets more stressful as may other stresses that will come into his life. Is it possible that he almost got caught out on a chat site he should not have been on?
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A
male
reader, citic101  +, writes (28 June 2009):
 "chalk it up" ive been with my wonderful girlfriend for 6 yrs and she is great in every way but sometimes she gets angry and we fight and she might throw goats cheese against the wall ! people get angry
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (28 June 2009):
 Was the chair aimed at you? Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft is rather famous for throwing a chair at the news of an employee leaving for Google. Wouldn't automatically assume that makes him a wife beater. Men are physical creatures. Women might make a hurtful comment they wish they never made. Men vent frustration in a different way. It ain't always right but lets not get to alarmist yet.What was the argument about. And I don't mean the account. At times in a relationship people make the mistake of becoming to controlling or to independent. A relationship means two people agreeing to share their lives together. This means neither that they own/control each other completly but neither that they remain two seperate people with their own lives.Why did it become a fight? Were you intruding in the privacy even a partner has, or was he creating a private life beyond that which can exist in a relationship.Adultfriendfinder is often mentioned on this site. There is a difference between an account to dearcupid and an account for a site meant only for finding sex.What was the fight about, without knowing that, it is impossible to say what his reaction meant. Abusers don't suddenly start. If he never shown the slightest form of controlling behaviour before, then this probably is nothing to serious. Maybe. You are right to worry, but sometimes things happen.
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